Parenting in Grace Grace We can’t but God does! Focus: Our children’s decision to receive Christ Parenting out of God’s resources Representing God accurately I The topic is parenting in God’s grace: this does not mean… Grace is basically the message of we can’t but God does. So our discussion today will address the aspects of parenting that we are incapable of doing and our children are incapable of doing and yet the bible says are the key to a successful fulfilling life We are talking about their spiritual development. As Christian parents the most important thing we want for our children is their own personal and vital relationship with Christ. This is something we can’t make happen for them and the Bible says they will not by their own initiative but it takes God working in them. Since we can’t make this happen for our kids we will focus on: how to better work out of God’s resources and leading. Represent God accurately to them.

Parenting in Grace Our Design God-dependent Grateful Givers Our Problem Alienated Needy Takers To understand the message of grace we must understand the message of the Bible. We were made in God’s Image…. Our design was GGG and it was very good. First man and woman decided they wanted to be like God deciding for themselves what was good and evil so they choose independence rather than dependence. This resulted in them being ANT The Bible tells us that this is the problem with all humans, with you and our children and that life will not be really satisfying until we become GGG because that is the way God designed us to live the abundant life.

Parenting in Grace The Law Rules to obey You must God judges Grace Result: guilt, blame, denial Grace Rules to obey You can’t God empowers The bible says to solve our problem we must first be reunited with God which requires us to be perfect. There are two ways to do that. Religion offers laws, rituals and duty. This way measures performance and depends on self effort. This is not God’s way. He gives us his law, it needs to be perfectly obeyed but we can’t so he does. People will live one way or another. the result will obviously guilt, blame shifting and or denial.

God- dependent, grateful givers Parenting in Grace We Can’t Earn forgiveness Be acceptable Obey God God Does Paid for our sin Adopts Us Empowers us God- dependent, grateful givers When Christians understand and accept this message we: Understand God gave the law to make us aware we are sinful and inadequate so that we would see our need for Christ and the forgiveness he offers. Want to become God-dependent, grateful (to Jesus) givers and we can through God’s grace. This is good news, we love to share it with neighbors, family, friends who know something is wrong with their lives and are searching for God. Put in the gospel: This is the most the key to the fulfilling life Do we apply grace in our parenting? Do our children hear this message loud and clear in all our interactions with them? Do we parent out of grace “we can’t” or the law “we must”?

Parenting in Grace How do you define “good parent”? Mark 10: 17-18 …”good teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life? And Jesus said to him “why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone” How do we define good? Law mindset evaluates your performance and when you feel good about success you conclude I am good. When we compare to people who… Grace accepts God’s verdict of man that no one is good. Mark 10 Jesus says if you parents who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more… Do you strive to be good within your own power or do you accept “you can’t” so you learn to depend on God and His promises. How do you know? Result: guilt, blame shift or denial. Able to admit when wrong, thank Christ for His forgiveness and trust His promise to redeem. (Angry, Gary showed redemption) Under Grace I can admit I did some good things and I made huge mistakes and realize They do not need my perfection to live well they need Christ’s perfection!

Parenting in Grace What is your responsibility in your child becoming a God-dependent, grateful giver” Your response to disobedience? Your response to obedience? Responsibility to bring child to Christ law says “you must” grace says “you can’t” so we will look to how God is drawing them to Himself. Too many of you are taking on too much responsibility here because you are anxious and guilt ridden when they go astray or worse yet if they don’t some believe their right formula worked. If we communicate this to our children we could be teach them to be man dependent rather than God dependent and then they will put the same expectation on themselves. Disobedience? Law says we become embarrassed and concern, grace says of course they can not help but be sinners. It is a teaching moment Obedience: Law says “you are good because you obeyed” God is good because he gives us such wise laws to obeys and gives us the grace to obey. Be careful to trust that you cooperation makes you good. I think we can see that we tend to parent from the law. What prevents us from operating in grace?

Parenting in Grace Obstacles to Grace Confusion about obedience: should I expect obedience or not? Reasons we love parenting under the law

Parenting in Grace Obedience that leads to being right with people and society (Human Law) Obedience that leads to being right with God (God’s perfect moral law) There are two kinds of obedience Remember our focus is on the kind of obedience that makes them right with God so when we think about where we can’t expect our children to obey we are talking about the second. But there is an obedience we better expect from our children that we might call human law.

Parenting in Grace Obedience to human law: Safety commands Social norms Civil law Faith instruction All children must have rules in these areas. These laws address external behavior that help our children get along with people and society. All children can and should be expected to obey these rules. But grace is still important to apply because we do not want them concluding they are good when they obey and bad when they disobey. Our message to them should be gratitude to God for giving us such wise commands that help us get along with others not our children are morally good because they obey. The bible is clear that morality that leads to self praise rather than God praise is worse for the soul than immorality. It could lead them to believe they do not need God and his forgiveness!

Parenting in Grace Obedience to God’s law: “love the Lord with all your heart soul and your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is … Love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole law and the Prophets. Matthew 22:36-40 God-dependent, grateful givers Pure unadulterated, consistent love for God and pure, unadulterated, consistent love for others is the summation of all of God’s law. This is what God requires for moral goodness and this is His design for a successful, fulfilling life. This is important but we can’t do this and neither can our children. As we remember this it should drive us to see our need for Christ’s power to teach our children this and our children’s need for Christ to want to do this and succeed at But it doesn’t. it didn’t drive My Husband and I to our knees and many of you have not given up parenting by the law either. There is a part of us that want to parent with the law.

Parenting in Grace Reasons we like the law: Rules seem to be measurable We want to be competent We want our children to be good We want what is best for them We want them to make us look good We want control Measurable: My daughter said parenting was the most important work that she will do, we all want to know how we are doing. No one wants to have the attitude of “I can’t” We want what is best for them. It is hard to trust God with this, he does not promise the kind of protection from bad things happening to them that we would if we were God. We are also brainwashed by our culture that they are the by product of our input. Good parenting in = good children out! It gives us an allusion of control. It doesn’t work! God wants us to be really good parents! He wants us to be empowered to be like him. Grace does not give us the freedom to be lax or irresponsible parents. Grace will help us raise the bar and empower us to be more sacrificial, more able to face our own crap and able to love our children like He loves us.

Parenting in Grace Correct our goals: Accept we can’t make them God-dependent, grateful givers Our goal as parents: to become God-dependent, grateful givers of God’s love Drop wrong goal we can’t make our children Right Goal, not only towards our children but more generally as well. This will be an accurate model. We will be able to confess our own sins to them, forgive their sins. We will find joy in parenting In this church we only lose 10% of our kids who are raised by parents who are GGG serving in the church and community.

Parenting in Grace Pray Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God and the peace that surpasses all comprehension shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7 Pray without ceasing 1Thessalonians 5:17 I wish I would have prayed more! Not just telling him what he should do with my child but listening to what He wants me to do under his lead.

Parenting in Grace Parent in God’s truth Against accusation: Against pride Romans 8:28 John 5:44 Ephesians 3:20 1Cor. 15:10 1Peter 4:8 Philippians 4:13 Replace comparing with God’s Truth Replace accusation with promises God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think according to the power that works within us Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another because love covers a multitude of sins I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Replace pride with sanity How can you believe when you receive the glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God? 1Cor. But by the grace of God I am what I am and His grace toward me did not prove to be vain; but I labor even more than all of them, yet not I but the grace of God with me.

Parenting in Grace Parent in Gratitude In everything give thanks; for you this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus 1Thessalonians 5:18 Gratitude for our children, for their struggles and sins, Gratitude for God’s faithfulness to us and them throughout this journey Gratitude to God’s power when we do something

Parenting in Grace Parent in Community: 1 Corinthians 12: 20-22

Parenting in Grace Putting Grace into practice: Talking back: Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. James 1:19 Human Law, make a firm clear statement Explain trying to justify self never gives us the justification we are looking for. Offer to pray.

Parenting in Grace Self-righteousness Matthew 22:37 Romans 2: 1 Gratitude for our children, for their struggles and sins, Gratitude for God’s faithfulness to us and them throughout this journey

Parenting in Grace Teach grace in every situation Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall in bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Deut. 6:6,7