Spiritual Resources in Families and Family Therapy Samaritan Institute Annual Conference August 6, 2011 Morning Part 1 Froma Walsh, PhD Mose & Sylvia Firestone Professor Emerita, School of Social Service Administration, The University of Chicago fwalsh@uchicago.edu www.ccfhchicago.org

Bio-Psycho-Social-Spiritual Beings Holistic Orientation to Practice Spirituality: Involves streams of experience that flow through all aspects of life: --- family and cultural heritage -- personal belief systems and practices Influences beliefs about suffering and pathways in healing and resilience Can nourish and heal; can be harmful

Religion Organized, institutionalized belief system:  Shared moral values, codes for living  Contemplative Practices (e.g. Prayer, meditation)  Rituals, sacred texts, music  Faith Community, Clergy  Belief in God, Higher Power, Universal Spirit  Belief in Afterlife - Spiritual passage

Spirituality Transcendent, personal beliefs and practices Active investment in daily life and relationships Fosters meaning, wholeness, harmony Deep Connection with all others, nature, universe Most experience within organized religion: The heart and soul of religion (Pargament) Religious or not, can find spiritual nourishment: Humanistic Values - Contemplative Practices Communion with Nature Creative / Expressive Arts Service to others; Social Activism - Intimate Bonds, Kinship, Fellowship

Where the spirit does not work with the hands There is no art -- Leonardo DaVinci

Connection, Compassion, Service, Activism

Religious / Spiritual Trends in U.S.  Spiritual Diversity; non-Christian faiths  Formal Affiliation, Membership, Attendance  Personal spiritual values, practices 44% do not follow religion of family upbringing  Conversion  Interfaith couples – Multi-faith families  Seekers vs. accepters: search for meaning, purpose, harmony, connection  Choose, combine varied beliefs & practices to fit lives & relationships: “Religious linguini” “Spiritual Smorgasbord”

Multi-faith Perspective: The God of our many understandings Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson

Beliefs & Practices in U.S. 90% Report religion/spirituality is important in their lives 1/3 : Most important part of their lives 95% Believe in God; higher power--varied conceptions 90% Pray at least weekly; 3/4 pray daily 75% Relationships are strengthened by religion in the home 93% of homes have a bible, but: 58% didn’t know 5 of Ten Commandments 10% thought Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife

Spirituality Across the Family Life Cycle: Rituals, Rites of Passage: e.g. Baptism, Bar/bat mitzvah Marriage / Commitment Vows Raising children Young Adulthood Middle, Later life Death and Dying

Raising Children Value of shared spiritual experiences In the home; daily life; rituals, practices Holidays, rites of passage, remembrance Involvement in faith community--spiritual home In nature; community service; activism Discussion of ethical, spiritual issues Parenting: Practice what you preach! Congruence Spare the rod: Nurture, Protect, Guide Changing Gender Roles

Traditional Family Model & Gender Roles

Later Life --Deepening Spirituality Striving for Family Integrity

Death, Loss, & Spiritual Connection Patzquaro, Michuacan, Day of the Dead.

Rituals that Connect with loved Ones

Spiritual Inquiry in Clinical Practice Explore meaning, salience of spirituality in clients’ lives and relationships. Religious Identification, Affiliation “Lived Experience” of Religion / Spirituality -- In Everyday life - Expressed in couple / parent-child bonds -- In Facing Adversity -- Family of Origin - "chosen family" -- Cultural - Spiritual Roots Marginalization, discrimination? -- Spiritual Journey – future direction ?

Concerns about sin, punishment, afterlife / karma II. Explore: Have religious/spiritual issues contributed to suffering, relational conflict or cut-off? Concerns about sin, punishment, afterlife / karma Non-observance: religious precepts, rituals E.g. Baptism; Funeral, burial rites Justifying Denigration, Abuse of women; children Condemnation of homosexuality, abortion, suicide Non-acceptance of interfaith marriage Spiritual void; alienation from family, cultural roots Anger at God for injustice (e.g. death of a child) Assumptions, homilies offered by others

Religious & Spiritual Concerns and Conflicts in Family Relations Spiritual superiority Triangling God into conflicts Patriarchal Precepts used to justify Gender-based Denigration, Abuse Heterosexist Orthodoxy LGBTQ Sexual Orientation, Same-sex Couples Raising children

Interfaith Couples, Multi-faith Families Complications & Conflicts Opening Communication, Mutual Understanding Appreciating Commonalities and Honoring Differences Vs. Righteous, one way, condemnation of other Finding Ways to Incorporate Valued Elements of Varied Faith Traditions in Shared Life “Spiritual Linguini” – Creating New Recipes

III. Potential Resources for Healing, Resilience: Deep faith: for comfort, courage, strength, hope, perseverance Relationship with God, Higher Power, Guiding Spirit Transcendent Values to guide path Contemplative Practices: prayer, meditation; rituals Faith community: “Spiritual home” – involvement, support Spiritual counsel, guidance - pastoral advisors, faith healers Spiritual connection with nature Spiritual nourishment, expression through the arts Deepen relational bonds; heal wounds Possibilities for Reconciliation; Forgiveness Compassion and commitment to Social action

Healing Power of Prayer, Meditation in Relationships Reducing stress, anxiety Facing death, dying; bereavement Healing relational conflicts In couple and family sessions Coaching relational change between sessions; repair family-of-origin wounds  emotional reactivity  centered focus; listening; genuine relating  compassion for the other; mutuality

Facilitating Efforts for Forgiveness and Reconciliation in Wounded Relationships By making peace with our parents, we have a chance to make real peace within ourselves. -- Thich Nhat Hahn If you want to see the brave Look at those who can forgive Bhavagat Gita Hindu Song of God

Clinical Guidelines (1) Appreciative Inquiry: the meaning & significance of spiritual beliefs and practices in clients’ lives; related to presenting problems, coping, & resilience. Explore spiritual concerns that may contribute to suffering or block healing, adaptation (e.g. guilt, anger at God for injustice; worry about punishment for sins). Facilitate communication, understanding, and mutual respect on religious / spiritual differences, relational conflicts (e.g. interfaith marriage or conversion). Facilitate compassion and possibilities for reconciliation / forgiveness in wounded relationships

Clinical Guidelines (2) Identify clients’ spiritual resources (current, past, & potential) that might support healing and resilience. Multi-faith Perspective: Respect for clients’ varied spiritual pathways; non-religious views: Explore, encourage resources fiting their beliefs & preferences Therapists: Examine own religious/spiritual roots; spiritual journey; awareness of own issues or biases. Caution not to impose spiritual values or assumptions on clients. Build links between clinical and pastoral resources for referral, consultation, & collaboration

-- Indigenous tribal perspective Spirituality: Deep connection within the self and with all others All of nature is in me; and a bit of myself is in all nature. -- Indigenous tribal perspective

Families are Sanctuaries of Life and Love