5.10 Revising the Narrative Portion of a Memoir

CONNECTION Lots of choices in Memoir Structure—one story, a necklace or related mini-stories, an essay, a collection or poems Topic Theme The point is to make a statement about yourself—what kind of person are you? You need to write the external story of what happened but also the internal story of what you thought, wondered, remembered, and felt.

TEACHING POINT Today I want to teach you that in a memoir you need to write both the external events and internal feelings as they happen across a timeline. Each event in the external timeline needs to affect the character on the inside, creating a parallel timeline!

TEACHING In “Mama Sewing” by Eloise Greenfield, the external story affects Eloise and the effects that the events create are a big part of the memoir. We have the external timeline, which creates the internal timeline. As you read, think “What is the first external event? What is the internal response?” Then think, “What is the next external event? What is the next internal response?”

TEACHING Mama Sewing I don’t know why Mama ever sewed for me. She sewed for other people, made beautiful dresses and suits and blouses, and got paid for doing it. But I don’t know why she ever sewed for me. I was so mean. It was all right in the days when she had to make my dresses a little longer in the front than in the back to make up for the way I stood, with my legs pushed back and my stomach stuck out. I was little then, and I trusted Mama. But as I got older, I worried. Mama would turn the dress on the wrong side and slide it over my head, being careful not to let the pins stick me. She’d kneel on the floor with her pin cushion fitting the dress on me, and I’d look down at the dress, at that lopsided, raw-edged, half-basted, half-pinned thing—and I’d know it was never going to look like anything. So, I’d pout while Mama frowned and sighed and kept on pinning. Sometimes she would sew all night, and in the morning I’d have a perfectly beautiful dress, just right for the school program or party. I’d put it on, and I’d be so ashamed of the way I acted. I’d be too ashamed to say I was sorry. But Mama knew.

TEACHING Jot two timelines—the external and internal one.

TIMELINES IN “MAMA SEWING” TEACHING Jot two timelines—the external and internal one. TIMELINES IN “MAMA SEWING” EXTERNAL TIMELINE INTERNAL TIMELINE Mama sewed for me when I was little My response was this made me happy Mama sewed for me when I was older My response was this made me irritable Mama made me a beautiful dress for the school dance My response was that I was ashamed of my earlier behavior toward her

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT Listen to Tyler’s draft and how he is recording external events and then his internal response to that event. As you listen, pay attention to the evolving internal story line. How does Tyler feel at the beginning? After a bit? Later?

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT I stand in line, my eyes drawn to the roller coaster as if it were the strongest magnet in the world. I follow the cart as it swoops and swirls. It jets along the tracks over my head. “I can’t wait,” I think. I count how many people are ahead of me in line. Nothing is going to stop me from getting on the ride! “The Intimidator,” my grandmother reads from the sign. I look at her and see that she is clutching her pocketbook in her hands and brushing the dust off her vest. I start to worry. The roller coaster cranks to a stop near us. And the people get off. As they flood past us, I hear someone say, “That was awesome.” And, “Let’s do it again.” Out of the corner of my eyes I see my grandmother sigh with a scared face. I worry more. We step into the cart. “Grandma, you don’t have to go on. It’s a pretty big ride,” I say, wanting to get her off the ride. I hear a click click as the handlebar locks against our stomachs. I feel like my grandma is trapped in her worst fear. “This is our last chance. Do you want to get off?”

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT Turn and talk to your partner about the places where Tyler shows the external event and then the internal response. How does it help you learn about Tyler as a person?

LINK Newbery author Jack Gantos says that for every draft he writes, he rewrites it at least 50 times. This doesn’t mean crossing out a few lines here and adding a word there. It means setting aside your first draft and writing a whole brand new version. Then you compare drafts and make choices.

MIDWORKSHOP Many of you are showing internal stories through your thinking. You can also show your internal responses through actions! For example: if you were writing about how you feel embarrassed and out of place in dance class, you might write about walking into the dance studio, pulling out your ballet shoes, and then quickly shoving them back into your bag because you don’t want anyone else to see them. This tiny action shows your feelings!

SHARE It can be hard to write down our feelings. Novice writers will often write “I felt sad” but you know you have to write more to capture the feeling. For example “It was hard, smelling the fresh Spring air, and thinking that a part of me had just died.” With your partner, find where you’ve tried to put in a feeling. See if you found a way to capture the precise experience or if your partner can help you.