I hope your child fails this year… Failure leads to Success By Esteemed Speaker Mike Russell For Bridge House Parents Forum, February 2013

Integrity Integrity Love and compassion Love and compassion Health and Vitality Health and Vitality Positivity (a Can Do attitude) Positivity (a Can Do attitude) Learning for Life Learning for Life Ends Values (Values wed want to see in Bridge House people)

Means Values (How we must act for this to come about) Honesty in all our dealings Honesty in all our dealings Demonstrate forgiveness Demonstrate forgiveness Knowing self Knowing self Setting others free Setting others free Openness to new ideas Openness to new ideas

I hate swimming … and maths and science

Middle-distance running, cricket and soccer … and languages … and languages But love(d)

Moments, words, and the sub- conscious

Statements we dont even know we make: Dont get your hopes up… Dont get your hopes up… You havent been here long enough yet… You havent been here long enough yet… Good idea, but… Good idea, but… Yes, but youll need something to fall back on Yes, but youll need something to fall back on Of course you can! …But… Of course you can! …But… Let me sort this out for you/ Dad or Mom or Uncle or Aunt so-and-so will help you… Let me sort this out for you/ Dad or Mom or Uncle or Aunt so-and-so will help you… Youre going to have to find work overseas… Youre going to have to find work overseas…

Statements we could make if we paid more attention to what we say: I think you can… I think you can… I think youre ready for this… I think youre ready for this… Go with what youre passionate about… Go with what youre passionate about… Im looking forward to that… Im looking forward to that… Go for it! Go for it! You can handle this. You can handle this. Suck it up – own it, fix it. Suck it up – own it, fix it. …let me know how its going. …let me know how its going. Do your best… Do your best… Well done!! Well done!! So what did you learn? So what did you learn? …and then? What will you do after that? …and then? What will you do after that?

At the heart of all relationships…

Energy and trust Energy required for survival Energy available for performance Effectiveness Perceived organisational tone Adversarial Adversarial Neutral Supportive

Coveys Emotional Bank Account DepositsWithdrawals KindnessUnkindness Keeping promisesBreaking promises Honouring expectationsViolating expectations LoyaltyDuplicity ApologiesArrogance

If you love your kids, and place value in their futures, bringing them up requires caring, nurturing, providing and selflessness And taking risks…

But also great courage; sometimes toughness – if you place value in their futures

Butterflies

The path

Do you know who I am?

Set high expectations and build self-esteem in others Low Expectations HighLow Self esteem High Drop-out Failure Smart- alec Success story

School and parents Its a partnership, not a confrontation

Stewarts Law of Crisis There is no issue so small that it cannot be turned into a crisis. Only one willing party is needed.

Its a partnership Its OK for your child to get into trouble sometimes… Its OK for your child to get into trouble sometimes… Its OK for your child to face disappointment sometimes… Its OK for your child to face disappointment sometimes… In fact, its vital! In fact, its vital! Be a partner, not a prosecutor Be a partner, not a prosecutor The helicopter parent The helicopter parent

Stimulus & Response Freedom to choose Self awareness Imagination Conscience Independent will

Stimulus / /Response Breathe deeply… count to 10… Breathe deeply… count to 10… Find the facts and deal with them… Find the facts and deal with them… Deal with all sides of the story… Deal with all sides of the story… Deal with negative situations with perspective, short, medium and long-term thinking… they are opportunities for growth Deal with negative situations with perspective, short, medium and long-term thinking… they are opportunities for growth Be a PARTNER in seeking the solution… Be a PARTNER in seeking the solution… Trust the good intentions and integrity of the other party Trust the good intentions and integrity of the other party Dont press send until another re-read later… Dont press send until another re-read later… Tone: Since when does Bridge House think it can… Tone: Since when does Bridge House think it can… vs Ive heard that theres been a decision to (whatever). If thats true, can I talk to someone about it? vs Ive heard that theres been a decision to (whatever). If thats true, can I talk to someone about it? Remember: We care about your kids too… Remember: We care about your kids too…

One should never forget the main aim in a debate… is that we should emerge from that debate, however sharp our differences might have been, stronger, closer and more united than ever before. The removal of differences and mutual suspicion… should always be our guiding principle. Nelson Mandela Conversations with Myself

In the US, new teachers last an average of 4,5 years… They list issues with parents as a major reason for leaving the profession. … thats shooting our kids in the foot! … thats shooting our kids in the foot!

C. Day Lewis Walking away for Sean It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day – A sunny day with the leaves just turning, The touch-lines new-ruled – since I watched you play Your first game of football, then, like a satellite Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away

Behind a scatter of boys. I can see You walking away from me towards the school With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free Into a wilderness, the gait of one should be. Who finds no path where the path should be. That hesitant figure, eddying away Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem, Has something I never quite grasp to convey About natures give-and-take – the small, the scorching Ordeals which fire ones irresolute clay

I have had worse partings, but none that so Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly Saying what God alone could perfectly show – How selfhood begins with a walking away, And love is proved in the letting go.

Finally Thanks for your time! Laugh as much as you can: …because theres no scientific proof that life is meant to be serious!