Biggs – English II Honors, 2015 Summer Essay Feedback Biggs – English II Honors, 2015

Six Major Issues Prose Issues - EXCESS WORDS NON-ACTIVE VERB USAGE REPETITION OF WORDS/PHRASES/SYNTAX Structural Issues - LACK OF TRANSITIONS OR LOGICAL FLOW INSUFFICIENT ANALYSIS AFTER QUOTING WEAK FIRST AND CONCLUDING LINES

Cutting Excessive Wordiness “In the society of today”  “In modern society” “In the novel by Ray Bradbury titled F451”  “In Ray Bradbury’s novel F451” Basically / Perhaps / Just So as to/in order to.  Really / Literally / Quite / Very / A Lot Additionally / In addition to Seem / Might Be / Got / Has / IS WORKSHEET: Purdue OWL Practice

Using Active Verbs The verb “to be” is not your friend … IS / ARE / WAS / WERE are weak verbs! They lead to the use of passive voice. You need to use ACTIVE verbs – not being, but DOING: “This is similar to”  “This reflects/echoes…” WORKSHEET: Active/Passive Practice

Avoiding Repetition Some general guidelines: -Have synonyms for all key terms -Notice the phrases you overuse -Vary your sentence patterns Suggestions: http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/5-ways-to-deal-with-word-repetition WORKSHEET: 9 Sentence Patterns

Transitions and Flow How does each sentence follow the last? How does each paragraph follow the last? It’s up to you to make this clear w. words…

How to Use Quotations The Misfit is trapped in nihilism, but actively wishes for a faith that could define good and evil. Describing the miracles in the Gospel, the Misfit laments, “‘It ain't right I wasn't there because if I had of been there I would of known… I would of known and I wouldn't be like I am now“ (O’Connor 11). These tortured words reveal a soul at war with itself, unable to believe in anything but desperate for something to redeem him and give his life meaning. He even phrases his misery in terms of right and wrong, seeming to blame God for denying him the knowledge of good and evil. But when the Grandmother touches him moments later, he springs back “as if struck by a snake,” in a possible allusion to the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil” that the Biblical Eve eats from under the influence of the serpent. Taken together, these elements can suggest God grants him the knowledge of right and wrong through the woman’s touch, and that this murder may be his last (a conclusion further supported by the Misfit’s final denial that killing is any sort of “pleasure”).

First Lines: Don’t start with a single word or definition. Don’t start with something vague or obvious. Don’t start with a quote unless you have a reason to do so (i.e. it sets up your thesis) BANNED: -Since the dawn of humanity/time/history… -For hundreds/thousands of years… -Everyone knows/agrees/has/is… -In modern society/modern life/this day and age… -Have you ever/do you ever/are you…? -All A’s are B. As an A, [book/author] is totally B. INSTEAD: -Drop knowledge (author, time, plot) -Relate an attention-grabbing detail/ -Thought-provoking statement -Open with a line that introduces the lens (Sigmund Freud’s model of the mind has…)

Strong Conclusions Summarize thesis, reworded, briefly. Go through your points. Recap, simply. Then answer: SO WHAT? Why’s it MATTER? Try to leave them with a concept or image You don’t have to change their life, you just have to give them something to think about