Warm Up Write ONE or TWO phrases that come to your mind as you read the following words: background - identity- interest- talent- failure- Finish the following sentences: I profoundly disagree with ….. Something that happened in my life that made me grow up was…. A big problem I’d like to fix is….

How to write a knock-out college essay

What do we know? What do you think college admission officers are looking for? Write down some of the most important advice you’ve heard about what to do and what NOT to do in your college essay.

Let’s hear it from the people who are going to be admitting you: “What I’m looking for is a student whose story I can see walking onto campus.”

Re-read it and think about it. “What I’m looking for is a student whose story I can see walking onto campus.”

Let’s hear it from the people who are going to be admitting you: “What I’m looking for is a student whose story I can see walking onto campus.” Tuft’s College Admissions Officers on What Makes a Good Essay

Dos and Don’ts

Don’t …….tell them what you think they want to hear. Most admissions officers read plenty of essays about the charms of their university, the evils of terrorism, and the personal commitment involved in being a doctor. Bring something new to the table, not just what you think they want to hear.

Don’t ……write a resume. If you include information that can be found elsewhere in the application, your essay will end up sounding like an autobiography, travelogue, or laundry list. Yawn. Example: "During my junior year, I played first singles on the tennis team, served on the student council, maintained a B+ average, traveled to France, and worked at a cheese factory.

Don’t …..use 50 Words when five will do. Eliminate unnecessary words. Okay: "Over the years it has been pointed out to me by my parents, friends, and teachers—and I have even noticed this about myself, as well—that I am not the neatest person in the world. "Better: "I'm a slob."

Don’t …..forget to proofread. Typos and spelling or grammatical errors can be interpreted as carelessness or just bad writing. Don't rely on your computer's spell check. It can miss spelling errors like the ones below. “ Example: “After I graduate form high school, I plan to work for a nonprofit organization during the summer.” "From that day on, Daniel was my best fried."

Don’t …..describe yourself directly. Tell about yourself indirectly. These are thinking people. Make them use their critical thinking/ inference skills. Okay:  “I want to help people. I have gotten so much out of life through the love and guidance of my family, I feel that many individuals have not been as fortunate; therefore, I would like to expand the lives of others. "Better: "My Mom and Dad stood on plenty of sidelines 'til their shoes filled with water or their fingers turned white, or somebody's golden retriever signed his name on their coats in mud. I think that kind of commitment is what I'd like to bring to working with fourth-graders."

Write about the 5% of your life as opposed to the 95% of your life. Do Write about the 5% of your life as opposed to the 95% of your life. Write about something obscure.

Do …..be creative. Example: I thought my son's essay was cute, but it fit in with the rest of his application which screamed, “I am a computer geek, take me anyway.” (They did.) He started off with a bunch of nonsense sentences and then explained that they were compiled using a computer program that took exemplary essays from the web. Then he talked about how he'd rather write a computer program than an essay.

Finally…. Writing a college essay is about showing them who you are, what you care about, and how you think. This is your 5 minutes to wow someone who is reading hundreds of applications. Make yours stand out!!!

Part of seeing that “story” walking onto campus” is finding out something memorable about a student. Think of a story that makes you stand out from others Focus on choosing something small that may at first seem like it might not be that interesting—usually these are the things that show off our personality the most.

Focus on choosing something small: Instead of “Learning to drive,” how about the time you got hopelessly lost in the city and how that changed you. Instead of “winning the championship game,” how about that strange thing your coach said to you during the game that kicked everyone into gear? Instead of taking a mission trip, how about the moment you knew a person in the village understood you for the first time.

2) Show off your personality and VOICE Your essay should not read like an on-demand for school Your essay should show off your humor, your humility, your creativity—whatever unique personality trait you have—through your word choice. Your essay should Use varied sentence structures to do this.

ZZZ “How to lose an admissions counselor in 8 seconds…” NOT: “Everyone has someone in their life they look up to. My mother has always been the most inspiring person in my life because she puts others before herself, has unwavering patience, and has the ability to keep going even when everything is against her.” ZZZ

How about this instead? “’Sleep is for the weak—and people who don’t have children.’ Winking and flicking me on the nose like she did when she wanted to show me she loved me but I was annoying her, my mother went back to stirring the chicken salad. But really, 3 a.m.? On a Monday? It wasn’t until I was chowing down on a 3-course lunch the next day and noticed all my friends with their bland, grocery-store lunchables, that I realized how lucky I was to have a mother who sacrificed her sleep, personal time, and comfort to give others a better life.” Ask students to look at word choice and sentence structure to identify where they hear this applicant’s voice.

3) Use VIVID imagery when describing your story. SHOW. Don’t tell.

SHOW. Don’t tell. NOT: “I fell off the school bus the first day of high school.” INSTEAD: “THUD. I opened my eyes and through the blur of pain and concrete dust, I saw the mud-covered school bus stairs and the belly-laughing students hovering above me.”

SHOW, don’t tell. On your notes, write a better sentence to SHOW the idea rather than tell it. NOT: “My mother is an amazing woman.”

SHOW. Don’t tell. On your notes, write a better sentence to SHOW the idea rather than tell it. 1) NOT: “My dog was my dad’s best friend.”

SHOW. Don’t tell. On your notes, write a better sentence to SHOW the idea rather than tell it. 1) NOT: “I’m a terrible cook.”

4) Don’t overshare You are trying to make the admissions director want you. They want people who work hard, who work well with others, etc. It is hard to write well about issues like fighting, drug addiction, mental health struggles, slacking, etc. If you are going the write about these, focus on what you learned from these things, not the incident itself.

Academic vocab word of the day: Anecdote- A brief story, often personal in nature, that demonstrates your main point. e.g. If your main point is your love for your mother, write an anecdote about the time you chose to skip a trip to Disney World with friends because your mom needed someone to take her to the airport.

ACTIVITY In partners, you will read 3 brief stories.​ All 3 stories have the same main subject, but they all use VOICE, SENTENCE STRUCTURE, and ANECDOTE differently. ​ ​ Award a gold, silver, and bronze medal to the stories based on their use of these 3 elements. Then, justify your decision with evidence from the texts.​

ACTIVITY Read the sample college essay. This is a real college essay that a real admissions officer has made comments about.​

​After you read it, give the author comments and suggestions (both positive and negative) and explain why you would or would not admit this person. I will read you the real admissions officer comments when you are finished.​

Exit Slip Exit Slip Make a list of three ideas you have for writing your college essay.

Day 2

Analyzing college essays In groups, you will read three sample essays. Answer the following questions and be ready to discuss with the class: What do we learn about the person that his or her resume does not tell us? How does he or she “show” us instead of “telling” us? Why would a college admissions counselor want to admit this student?