The Value of Friendships for Women in Leadership The Art of Friendship Friendship Research Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend & Befriend Dr. Twyla A. Williams-Damond

Hmmmmmm. What do friendships have to do with my productivity?

The Art of Friendship Dr. Twyla A. Williams-Damond

Principle of Friendship The principle of friendship is found in Amos. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 (KJV) Friends are of like mind. Friendship is a relationship that is entered into by individuals, and it is only as good or as close as those individuals choose to make it. A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never fear that he or she will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide in with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that respects you.

Women’s Friendship Research

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 1 LONGEVITY – Married men live longer than single men, yet women who marry have the same life expectancy as those who don't. Women with strong female friendships live longer than those without them. (+ 8 to 10 years)

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 2 In one study, researchers found that women who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those women who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 3 One of the biggest stressors for a woman is the death of a spouse. When studying widows, scientists found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend and confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those widows without close friends usually died soon after their husbands or suffered serious physical problems.

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 5 SELF-ESTEEM – A recent study by Dove indicated that 70% of women feel prettier because of their relationships with female friends. A woman’s self-esteem is highly influenced by her friendships (tell your daughters)

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 6 THE HEALTH FACTOR – Women without strong friendships risk health issues equivalent to being overweight or a smoker It's that serious!

Health Benefits of Friendship Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. Conclusively, friendships help us live longer.

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 7 STRESS – When women are with other women friends, our bodies emit the "feel good" hormone oxytocin, helping us reduce everyday stress. (UCLA) By prioritizing our female friendships, we take advantage of a very simple, God-given, natural way to reduce our stress.

Oxytocin- A Woman’s Gold Liquid GOLD ! When the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the “fight or flight” response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead.

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 8 STRESS – For years, researchers assumed that all humans would respond to stress in the same manner. When testing was finally conducted on females, it was discovered that women don't have the same, classic 'fight or flight' response to stress that men do. Women under stress have the need to 'tend and befriend.' We want to tend to our young and be with our friends. Time with our friends actually reduces our stress levels.

“Fight or Flight” or Seclusion It’s A Man’s World Studies prove there is a difference in the way women and men react to stress. This difference: different proportions of hormones that are released into the bloodstream. (cortisol, epinephrine) Then oxytocin comes into play Men release much smaller amounts of oxytocin than women, which pushes them into flight-or-fight response. Men tend to respond to stress by escaping from the situation, fighting back or bottling up their emotions

Tend & Befriend WOMEN ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY. Respond to stress the exact opposite of “Flight or Flight” TEND & BEFRIEND God genetically hard-wired women for friendship due to the oxytocin released into their bloodstream. A common female stress response is to “tend and befriend.” Women’s inclination is to nurture those around them and reach out to others.

The Tend & Befriend Effect

Bio-behavioral Responses to Stress in Females Women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just “fight or flight” When she actually engages in tending or befriending, more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

It is Not a Man’s World This calming response DOES NOT OCCUR in men because of testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they are under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. On the other hand, Estrogen, a female hormone, further enhances oxytocin.

Friendship Research: Quick Fact 9 EVEN MORE STRESS (Examples)– Prairie voles, a monogamous rodent, have a similar response to stress as humans. When a male vole is put in a stressful situation, he runs to his female partner. Female voles, when stressed, immediately run to the females they were raised with. The same study revealed similar results in grizzly bears and panda bears.

The Bad News: Friendships on the Decline With all the good outcomes of female friendships, a national survey from 2010 found a sharp decline in friendships. Means more women are more isolated from each other than ever, especially in the Church. As women, we need to be reminded of what nurturing a true friendship means. It is not only beneficial to our health. It is a spiritual exercise that assist our productivity.

Recognize You Have a Biological Need for Friendships Get some bad news? Call a true friend. Have something great to celebrate? Share that celebration with a friend. Want to feel prettier, be less stressed, be healthier and happier? Spend some time with your true friend. Recognize your own need for friendships and fill that need with time and memories together. Women, life is better together and productivity rises when we support one another ! Pump the OXYTOCIN !

The Friendship Data Speaks Do not lose sight of the strength we provide each other and the healing benefits we derive from our female friendships. As the research suggests, we should build and maintain these important bonds to protect our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being, which directly affects our productivity in the workplace.

Conclusions The deficit of close friendships leads to a lack of “sense of community” Lack of friendships have a significant negative effect on our health and well-being. Without feeling a sense of belonging or connectedness, we risk feeling anxious, depressed and alienated.

The Value of Friendships for Women in Leadership: Putting the Pieces Together The RESEARCH The ART The “Tend & Befriend” RESPONSE