Paragraph Writing Feedback

Students are confused about topic sentences. Topic sentences are more than titles. The purpose of a topic sentence in a persuasive essay IS NOT to introduce a subject. “In the fairy tale ‘Little Red Riding Hood,´ a little girl takes a basket of goodies to her sick grandmother.” “not a story” means that your assignment is not to tell the story. You weren’t asked for a summary of the story. We, most likely, know the story. Your assignment is to make a unique point/a unique argument. “TS” means that this sentence makes no point. It makes no argument.

Good topic sentences: “In the fairy tale Snow White, beauty represents goodness just as ugliness represents evil.” “In the fairy tale Mulan, Mulan is a very smart and brave girl.” In the story of Tarzan, Tarzan starts as more monkey than man, but falls in love with the woman, Jane, and becomes a real man in the end.” “The Mouse King in the fairy tale ‘The Nutcracker’ is blinded by money and power.” “In the story ‘Shrek’ the message to people is that if you just be yourself, people will love you.” “In the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood, the girl, Little Red Riding Hood, is very naive.” “In the fairy tale Ciderella, the evil stepmother represents every horrible adult that a young girl could imagine.” “In the fairy tale Rapunzel, when Rapunzel’s letting down of her hair is a metaphor for her learning about the world and eventually becoming a woman.”

The concrete detail is an example, fact, or true data that illustrates or proves your point. In the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood, the girl, Little Red Riding Hood, is very naive. For example, Little Red Riding Hood believes the Big Bad Wolf when she meets him in the forest.

The commenary is your interpretation, observations, explanations or analysis. In the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood, the girl, Little Red Riding Hood, is very naive. For example, Little Red Riding Hood believes the Big Bad Wolf when she meets him in the forest. It’s incredible that she would stop to talk to a wolf after her grandmother warned her to not talk to strangers. When the wolf suggest a shortcut through the woods, the little girl believes his lies. (2 CM: 1 CD)

The concluding sentence (CS) restates your point and emphasizes how you have proved it. In the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood, the girl, Little Red Riding Hood, is very naive. For example, Little Red Riding Hood believes the Big Bad Wolf when she meets him in the forest. It’s incredible that she would stop to talk to a wolf after her grandmother warned her to not talk to strangers. When the wolf suggest a shortcut through the woods, the little girl believes his lies. Clearly, Little Red Riding Hood will believe just about anything, even obvious lies told by Big Bad Wolves, proving her to be very naive.