VAGUE VERBIAGE Writing More Good Module 3 Tracey Krska

AGENDA Learning Objectives Lean vs. Redundant Writing Active/Passive Voice Summary & Conclusion

LEARNING OBJECTIVES Recognize redundant wording Eliminate needless words from writing Apply uses of active and passive voice

WHAT IS GOING ON? Basically and fundamentally, the cacophony of sound coming out of the birds circulated around and completely engulfed the enclosed fenced-in yard. The boys conferred together for a brief moment to classify into groups what steps of action they would take. Since it was only 8:00 a.m. in the morning, the young boys determined that it was absolutely essential to ask the question of the anonymous stranger that had been lurking the empty space of the parking lot. Each and every step toward him brought them closer to their future plans. Even though they were fellow classmates, the boys didnt consider it troublesome that they were few in number and their final conclusion was that if that anonymous stranger returned from whence he came, the neighborhood would gather together in celebration. TOO Much Redundancy to make any sense!

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED! brave, intelligent, creative, artistic, quick-thinking, competitive

LEAN VS REDUNDANT A good writer makes every word count. A weak writer lacks economy of expression.

SIMPLE REDUNDANCIES Work to eliminate clutter in writing. Blue in color The reason is because Joined together Personal opinion

WHATS REDUNDANT HERE? Oval in shape Most unique Several in number Final outcome Past history

CIRCUMLOCUTION Cir... lo… what?

CIRCUMLOCUTION A big word but it means … Circum = around Locute = to say Using these types of phrasing makes it hard for your reader to focus on YOUR point.

EXAMPLES OF CIRCUMLOCUTION In the modern world of today In the modern world of today In a manner of speaking In a manner of speaking With regard to the fact that With regard to the fact that It is possible that there might be It is possible that there might be In view of the foregoing discussion among the assembled group In view of the foregoing discussion among the assembled group

GIVE IT A TRY

GIVE IT A TRY! During the time period of the early 1970s, the progress of economic development ran into various new obstacles that blocked the path and the pace of [to] progress. Productivity started going down into a decline[d], which seemed to suggest[ed] to some observers who looked at the problem that something or other was wrong with the way we were using [uses of] technology, people and labor, and the organization of work.

GIVE IT A TRY! Other[s] observers blamed the decline in productivity, at least in part, on the infusion of new female and young workers who came into the workplace with less experience and less education than previous workers. [Other b]ottlenecks arose in other areas as well that blocked continued increases in productivity.

THE LEAN VERSION During of the early 1970s, economic development ran into new obstacles to progress. Productivity declined which suggested to some observers that something was wrong with uses of technology, labor, and the organization of work. Others blamed the decline in productivity, at least in part, on the infusion of new female and young workers with less experience and education. Other bottlenecks blocked continued increases in productivity.

A WORD OF CAUTION Brevity is good but too brief can cause problems. Would you mind moving over slightly so that John might join us at the table? vs. Move over so John can sit at the table.

ACTIVE & PASSIVE VOICE

WHAT IS ACTIVE OR PASSIVE VOICE? The dog bit the boy. The boy was bitten by the dog. Active Voice Passive Voice

WHAT IS ACTIVE OR PASSIVE VOICE? The agent called the client. The client was called by the agent. Active Voice Passive Voice

CHANGE PASSIVE TO ACTIVE VOICE Because of storms, insurance premiums have been increased by the carriers. Carriers increased insurance premiums because of storms.

BENEFITS OF ACTIVE VOICE Less wordy Less wordy Easier for reader to understand Easier for reader to understand Illustrates clearly who is doing what Illustrates clearly who is doing what

BENEFITS OF PASSIVE VOICE Adds variance to sentences when used less than 50% of the time Adds variance to sentences when used less than 50% of the time Delivering less than good news Delivering less than good news Premium raised Premium raised Policy non-renewed Policy non-renewed Your automobile policy has been non-renewed by the insurance company. To help, we quoted your program with another carrier.

SUMMARY Your writing will be stronger and hold more impact if you: Avoid redundant words Avoid redundant words Resist pasting high-sounding but empty phrases into sentences Resist pasting high-sounding but empty phrases into sentences Use more active than passive sentences Use more active than passive sentences

CONCLUSION