Establishing Healthy Relationships BOUNDARIES Establishing Healthy Relationships

What is a Boundary? Physical Boundaries Relational Boundaries Spiritual Boundaries Legal Boundaries Boundaries define us - show where I end and someone else begins.

Why do we need boundaries? Establish roles and expectations in relationships Establishes who is responsible Galatians 6:2 “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:5 “We must each carry our own load.”

Why do we need boundaries? PROTECTS from temptations Allows people around you to GROW Helps develop trust and interdependence= CONNECTION Creates FREEDOM Helps people achieve their goals.

The Fundamentals of Boundaries Boundaries are innate- natural to every being. Setting boundaries is not disrespectful, bad or wrong. Boundaries help us feel safe in our environment and protect us from hurt Boundaries help others feel secure in your relationship Boundaries help others show care and respect

When Are Boundaries Difficult? Fear of abandonment, loss of love Fear of confrontation, anger Guilt Payback Need for Approval Adult boundary problems are often old boundary problems from childhood

Setting Appropriate Boundaries Care-givers are typically sensitive hearted and prone to take on other people’s problems. We are to LOVE one another- not BE one another I can’t grow FOR you. I can grow WITH you.

Clarifying Responsibility from Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul Tripp Concern Responsibility

Steps to Appropriate Boundaries Consistency Practice Communicate: Clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully

Phase I: Personal Awareness Recognize and acknowledge your own feelings Recognize how your boundaries have been crossed Recognize how you need to set a limit: time, space, actions The better your boundaries of self-awareness and self-definition are, the greater your capacity to offer empathy and love to others.

Phase II: Setting Boundaries With Others Inform Request Instruct Warn (if needed) Take A Stand Time Out Revisit/ Extend Time Out/ Terminate

Titus 3:10 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.

Resistance to Boundaries Anger Guilt messages Countermoves Physical overpowering Pain Blame

Warning Signs You are working harder than they are Physical reactions Isolation/Avoidance Seeking relief

Key Factors to Healthy Boundaries Confidentiality Independence vs Co-Dependence Care (Self Care) Your Health- sleep, nutrition, exercise Your Relationships- spouse, children, family, friends Your Growth- prayer, replenish, enjoyment Know when to ask for help/refer to a professional

Boundaries in the Bible God is separate from His creation God has clearly instructed us to believe in certain things The Bible says we should have boundaries is where we find our identity The Bible instructs us to have boundaries with our thoughts The Bible shows boundaries in relationships

Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference

Resources Boundaries: Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend Jesus Set Boundaries, Bill Gaultiere, www.soulshepherding.org 5 Benefits of Personal Boundaries, Mark Ballenger, www.applygodsword.com Boundary Basics, Sue Bohlin, www.bible.org