Personal Communicating & racial EquitY

Ch. 2 - Two ways we all communicate Chapter 2: There are two modes of communication: taking in and giving out Taking in (inhaling) involves attending also to non-verbal cues  Giving out (exhaling) is speaking verbally about what you are feeling or thinking Hopes that focusing on these actions will let more of the available 'meanings' enter the interaction itself and add clarity and depth to understandings about people with whom you might not agree or be familiar. 

Ch. 3 – using all your brain power Impersonal Understanding: Personal Understanding: Analytic Holistic Objective Engaged Literal Metaphoric Grouping Recognizing Uniqueness

Ch. 3 – using all your brain power Impersonal Understanding: society is making us treat other people (including unfamiliar or minority-group members) more as "things" - it – than as "persons" - thou.   Our tendency to become more impersonal through technology is influencing our treatment of others and therefore contributing to objectifying contacts. Personal Understanding: Prioritize and get able to listen to others. In-person interactions often are more satisfying than interactions mediated through a screen. 

Ch. 4 – as personal as possible Means Openness, Mutual-Face-Oriented, Taking each other Seriously as Human Beings Encourage someone to open up to deepen the relationship. Understand the interpersonal context that you are in.               Example: A doctor's "person-centered" rather than "patient-centered" approach Doesn’t Mean... Wearing your heart on your sleeve, Prying into Private Lives uninvited Pursuing unsafe, disempowered, or unwanted personal relationships Objectifying a person as "one of those"  Society leads us to objectify rather than personify

Ch. 5 – “Communicate properly” – MLK take in / give out these four qualities Engage people as Choicemakers, not basketballs: Engage as people who are making choices, not people who are simply reacting to outside forces. Treat each person (you, too) as possessing legit, important Emotions-Spirit- Personality: These aspects are realities for each person Assume that the other and yourself both are Reflective about things, not just experiencing them Acknowledge and encourage each person's Mindfulness: Each person is thinking about their thinking, about how to process and understand what is happening

Ch. 5 – “Communicate properly” – MLK (HOW TO) take in / give out these four qualities Choices: Listen / Seek out other’s goals and motivations; Be candid as possible about yours Emotions-Spirit-Personality: Attend to nonverbal comm as meaningful; Appropriately let your emotions join the contact Reflections: Listen to hesitations and don’t hurry things; share your own reservations, seek theirs Mindfulness: Value others’ interests as on par with yours; be clear and vulnerable in offering yours

Ch. 6 – help uniquenesses meet Personal contact occurs when people have a sense of what is unique (rather than just categorical) about each other "The fact that this wasn't a pleasant encounter is important" (Stewart, p.32)  Helping Uniquenesses Meet: "Take in" uniqueness by actively listening for and asking about the other person's opinion, etc. - things that will reveal more about their distinct engagement with things.  

Ch. 7 – dealing with difficult difference Replace Guilt with Response-ability and other positive engagements: “Although you had nothing to do with the problem, you are expected to help deal with it” •Snow example • Why "Equity?” •You can’t level in a tilted playing field by giving everyone the same help.

Ch. 8 – curiosity About Others: Understand the importance of certain parts of other's identities and how it can change from situation to situation. Understand that occupying certain spaces for them may be different than for you, based on your differing identities. About Self: Understand your own identity, which parts of it give you unearned advantages, and which parts potentially target you. When you do this, you can be a better and more reflective, effective ally.

Ch. 9 – humility Personal and Cultural Humility? Recognize that all standpoints in play (yours, too) are partial and imperfect "Equity requires that you understand and respect the other" (pg. 54) "Humility means that you can listen to someone who is [insert feature here] carefully enough to understand why that person feels it is simply part of who [they] are" (pg. 56) “Holding each Cultural Commitment Lightly”: Let your viewpoints flex if/when a cultural commitment is their only basis

Ch. 10 – platinum empathy The Potential Problem? The Golden Rule has a self-centered aspect of using the way you want to be treated as a guide for how to treat others. The problem is other people may have different perspectives/cultures, so they may want to be treated in different ways. Platinum Empathy: Step away from self-centeredness by acknowledging how a person's culture and background is relevant and valuable to understanding how they would like to be treated in that circumstance.

Ch. 11 – working to put it together “Thinking Globally” = ?  Take the opportunity to engage in "constructive conversation where there is conflict driven by difference in identity, beliefs, and values..." Be curious rather than blaming or defensive so that talking about divisive issues can be relationship maintaining and even relationship enhancing. “Acting Locally” = ?    Be cognizant of your standpoint, their standpoint, and what the intersection of those standpoints mean for your interaction