MRT Skills, Unit Six: Detect Icebergs MRT Trainer Instructions: Introduce Detect Icebergs. Describe the metaphor of the iceberg picture as it applies to the skill of Detect Icebergs. The metaphor represents awareness – Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts are in our awareness whereas Iceberg beliefs and values are often outside our awareness. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

MRT Skills MRT Trainer Instructions: Slide Builds MRT Skills MRT Trainer Instructions: Read the description of Detect Icebergs: Identify and evaluate core beliefs and core values that fuel out-of-proportion emotions and reactions. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs helps to build Self-awareness. Detect Icebergs: B.L.U.F. MRT Skills Detect Icebergs helps to build Self-awareness. Identifying Icebergs allows us to reinforce or change them. Knowing that an Iceberg has been activated can give us control over our Emotions and Reactions. Effective Soldiers, Family members, and DA Civilians stay in control under tough circumstances. MRT Trainer Instructions: Review the B.L.U.F. statements. Ask for questions/comments. Key Points: Detect Icebergs helps to build Self-awareness. Identifying Icebergs allows you to change them if they are causing counterproductive emotions or reactions and to reinforce them if they are generating productive emotions and reactions. Knowing your Icebergs gives you greater control over your emotions and reactions. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts vs. Icebergs MRT Skills Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts are on the surface of our awareness. We can easily “tune in” to them. Icebergs are core values (what you aspire to) and core beliefs (what you believe to be true of yourself, others, and the world). MRT Trainer Instructions: Review the distinction between Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts and Icebergs. Tell participants that Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts are what we typically identify with the ATC model. Tell participants that Icebergs develop over time and are typically rules and very strongly held beliefs. Explain that Icebergs include both core values and core beliefs. Core values are what one aspires to, or what one believes they, the world, and others “should” be. Core beliefs are what one believes to be true about oneself, others, and the world, or the way it “is.” Point out that values were also discussed in Goal Setting. Detect Icebergs involves looking at one’s values and beliefs in greater depth. Make clear that Icebergs are not always bad, wrong, or in need of being changed. Key Points: Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts are what we are thinking. They are top of mind and easy to identify. Icebergs are not fully in our awareness, but we can learn to identify them. Photo © James Steidl, Dreamstime.com. Used with permission. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

People can’t be trusted. You should respect your elders. Examples of Icebergs MRT Skills I am strong. People can’t be trusted. You should respect your elders. The world is a dangerous place. People should be treated with dignity and respect. Family comes first. People should finish what they start. Going to a counselor means you’re not a real Soldier. ?? MRT Trainer Instructions: Review the list with participants and ask participants to identify two or three other Icebergs. Key Points: Icebergs are often broad rules for how the world SHOULD operate or how the world IS. People have many different Icebergs, and in your role as an MRT it is important not to judge someone else’s Icebergs. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

What are your Icebergs? Participant Guide page 65 MRT Skills Come up with as many of your Icebergs as you can. MRT Trainer Instructions: Refer participants to the Participant Guide. Remind participants that not all Icebergs are bad or counterproductive. Encourage participants to think about their culture, the family in which they grew up, movies or books they enjoy, and the values they teach their children to help them come up with Icebergs. If participants are struggling to generate Icebergs, mention that they can glance at the values that they checked off during Step 1 of the Goal Setting Practical Exercise (Participant Guide page 26). MRT Practical Exercise Instructions: Participants write as many of their own Icebergs as they can. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

When do you need to Detect your Icebergs? MRT Skills Your emotions or reactions are out of proportion to what you’re thinking in the heat of the moment. Your emotion or reaction surprises or confuses you (there is a T-C disconnect). You notice strong Thinking Trap patterns. MRT Trainer Instructions: Point out that the out-of-proportion emotion does not have to be anger. It could be sadness, anxiety, etc. Point out that the out-of-proportion reactions can include ruminating. They do not have to be huge or violent reactions. Emphasize that the consequences in this case are out of proportion to the Heat-of-the-Moment Thought, not the Activating Event. Ask participants for one or two brief examples of a situation when the emotion or reaction was out of proportion to what they were thinking in the heat of the moment. Point out that a T-C disconnect is when the emotion and reaction do not follow from the Thought Theme. For example, the Heat-of-the-Moment Thought is coded as Trespass, but rather than feeling angry, you feel guilty. Give an example of how a strong Thinking Trap might indicate the Iceberg. For example, Them, Them, Them might indicate the Iceberg, “People can’t be trusted,” and Me, Me, Me might indicate the Iceberg, “I am never good enough.” Point out that all of the indicators suggest that there is more to the story than what is in our awareness. Key Points: There are common indicators that suggest it would be helpful to detect an Iceberg. Photo © Marcelmooij, Dreamstime.com. Used with permission. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs Story MRT Skills MRT Trainer Instructions: Use an example to illustrate when an Iceberg was activated and the skill of Detect Icebergs needed to be used. If you choose to use a personal example, follow the demonstration instructions below. You can hide slides 237, 239, 241-242. If you choose to follow the case study, follow the trainer instructions on slides 237-243. Before telling the story, point out that people can use the skill of Detect Icebergs to identify their own Icebergs and, when appropriate, to help others identify their Icebergs. MRT Demonstration Instructions Overview: Before class, ask two RTAs or other MRTs to play the roles of your “good” friend and your “bad” friend, and rehearse before presenting to the group. This demonstration should take approximately 12 minutes. Set up your personal story to illustrate when an Iceberg was activated. After telling the story, emphasize why the skill of Detect Icebergs is needed in your story. Indicate which of the criteria apply: Your emotions or reactions are out of proportion to what you’re thinking in the heat of the moment. Your reaction surprises or confuses you (there is a T-C disconnect). You notice strong Thinking Trap patterns. Use the ATC model on slide 238 to show what was happening initially (before the Iceberg was detected): The AE, the Thought in the heat of the moment, and the emotion or reaction that was out of proportion to the thought in the heat of the moment. After you show why Detect Icebergs is needed, first call your “bad” friend. The “bad” friend asks “Why” questions, causing the conversation to stay on the surface. See slide 240 for more instructions. Debrief the “bad” friend conversation by asking participants the questions on slide 240. After calling your “bad” friend, call your “good” friend. The “good” friend asks “What” questions and repeats exactly what you say instead of paraphrasing, leading to increased insight. Make sure you arrive at an Iceberg that is phrased in absolute language and that is broader than this one situation. See slide 243 for more instructions. Debrief the “good” friend conversation by asking the participants the questions on slide 243 and demonstrate how the Iceberg helps explain your consequences. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Sunday is football day. MRT Skills Private Smith returned from deployment six weeks ago. As he’s sitting down to watch Sunday afternoon football with his son, his wife reminds him that the sink is still leaking. Smith thinks to himself, “It’s just a small leak. I’ll fix it later.” Smith becomes enraged, gets in his wife’s face, and yells “WTF, back off!” MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask a participant to read the scenario on the slide. Emphasize why the skill of Detect Icebergs is needed in this example. Indicate which of the criteria apply: Your emotions or reactions are out of proportion to what you’re thinking in the heat of the moment. Your emotion or reaction surprises or confuses you (there is a T-C disconnect). You notice strong Thinking Trap patterns. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

AE (who, what, when, where): ATC MRT Skills AE (who, what, when, where): Thoughts: What you said to yourself in the heat of the moment Consequences: ER: Emotions, Reactions Heat-of-The Moment Thought: Thought theme: E: R: Thought Theme: Ask yourself: Are my emotions and reactions helping or harming? MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask participants to describe the Activating Event, Private Smith’s Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts, and the Consequences. A: Sit down to watch the football game with son. Wife says, “The sink is still leaking.” T: “It’s just a small leak. I’ll get to it later.” Theme: Trespass C: Emotions: Wild anger; Reactions: Get up in her face and yell, “WTF, back off!” MRT Demonstration Instructions: Note: only follow the demonstration instructions if using a personal example. Ask participants to describe the Activating Event, Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts, and the Consequences in your Detect Icebergs story. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Private Smith calls his “bad friend.” MRT Skills Smith: Hey, I almost didn’t get a chance to watch the game. Things got pretty ugly over here. My wife started harping on me about fixing the sink. Do you believe her? What’s her problem? Friend: Yeah, no kidding. She knows that Sunday is your football day. Friend: It’s just one day a week. She should really let up. Don’t you have a long “honey-do” list besides that? Friend: Why didn’t she get your son to do it? Is she babying him? MRT Trainer Instructions: Play the role of Private Smith and select a volunteer to play the role of the “bad friend.” Ask the participant playing the friend to read the lines on the slide. Smith: Hey, I almost didn’t get a chance to watch the game. Things got pretty ugly over here. My wife started harping on me about fixing the sink. Do you believe her? What’s her problem? Friend: Yeah, no kidding. She knows that Sunday is your football day. Smith: Knows it? I might as well have it tattooed on my forehead. She knows I love my team and I haven’t been able to watch them. Friend: It’s just one day a week. She should really let up. Don’t you have a long “honey-do” list besides that?  Smith: Yeah, nothing got done while I was away. The door needs painting, the grass wasn’t cut, and the new garage shelves are still sitting in the box waiting for me to put them together. The place looks like a hellhole.  Friend: Why didn’t she get your son to do it? Is she babying him?  Smith: I don’t know. She won’t give me any space. I just want to take a few hours and watch the game. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

How would you describe the friend’s style in responding to me? “Bad” friend debrief MRT Skills How would you describe the friend’s style in responding to me? What effect did the questions/comments have on me? What did I learn about my reaction? MRT Trainer Instructions: Debrief Private Smith’s call to his “bad” friend call by asking participants the questions on the slide. MRT Demonstration Instructions: Note: only follow the demonstration instructions if using a personal example. After you show why Detect Icebergs is needed, first call your “bad” friend: The “bad” friend asks “Why” questions, causing the conversation to stay on the surface (eliciting new examples of the problem). Debrief the “bad” friend call by asking participants the questions on the slide. Key Points: “Why” questions tend to make the conversation “go lateral” versus going deeper. You might get more examples that are similar to the original AE. “Why” questions will likely cause the person to get more emotional. “Why” questions can cause the person to become defensive. We are often our own “bad” friend. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Private Smith calls his “good friend.” MRT Skills Smith: Hey, I almost didn’t get a chance to watch the game. Things got pretty ugly over here. My wife started harping on me about fixing the sink. Do you believe her? What’s her problem? Friend: Man, that’s rough. Friend: What was the worst part about that whole situation for you? Friend: Assuming that’s true (that she knows Sundays are your football day), what’s so upsetting about that? MRT Trainer Instructions: Play the role of Private Smith and select a volunteer to play the role of the “good friend.” Ask the participant playing the friend to read the lines on the slide. Smith: Hey, I almost didn’t get a chance to watch the game. Things got pretty ugly over here. My wife started harping on me about fixing the sink. Do you believe her? What’s her problem?   Friend : Man, that’s rough. Smith: Yeah, I just wanted a break to watch the game, and she wouldn’t let up. All of a sudden I found myself right up in her face. Friend: What was the worst part about that whole situation for you? Smith: She knows that Sundays are my football day. Friend: Assuming that’s true (that she knows Sundays are your football day), what’s so upsetting about that? Smith: I do so many things around the house. She harps on the one thing I haven’t done. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Private Smith calls his “good friend.” (continued) MRT Skills Friend: Assuming she harps on the one thing you haven’t done, what does that mean to you? Friend: What’s the worst part about her not appreciating you? Friend: Assuming it’s true that she doesn’t respect who you are as a husband and father, what does that mean to you? MRT Trainer Instructions: Continue the role-play with the “good friend.” Friend: Assuming she harps on the one thing you haven’t done, what does that mean to you?   Smith: She’s not appreciating the things I do. She doesn’t appreciate me. Friend: What’s the worst part of her not appreciating you? Smith: If she doesn’t appreciate what I bring to the table, she doesn’t respect who I am as a husband and a father. Friend: Assuming that’s true, what does that mean to you? Smith: She’s not respecting me. If you’ve earned respect, then people should respect you. Key Points: With interpersonal situations, getting to the Iceberg can help you move from the wrong fight to the right conversation. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

How would you describe the friend’s style in responding to me? “Good” friend debrief MRT Skills How would you describe the friend’s style in responding to me? What effect did the questions/comments have on me? What did I learn about my reaction? MRT Trainer Instructions: Debrief Private Smith’s call to his “good” friend call by asking participants the questions on the slide. MRT Demonstration Instructions: Note: only follow the demonstration instructions if using a personal example. After calling your “bad” friend, call your “good” friend: The “good” friend asks “What” questions, leading to increased insight (see next slide for list of questions). The “good” friend should repeat exactly what you say, and should not paraphrase. It is okay to demonstrate “What” questions that are not worded exactly like the materials. Make sure you arrive at an Iceberg that is phrased in absolute language and that is broader than this one situation (e.g., “Marriages are built on trust,” “People should respect their elders,” “Blood is thicker than water”). A core value often works better than a core belief for this demonstration. Use a “should” statement so that it is clear that you have identified the Iceberg. Ask whether that Iceberg helps make sense of the emotion and reaction. Debrief by asking participants the questions on the slide. Demonstrate why the Iceberg you detected helps explain your consequences (i.e., your “aha” moment). Key Points: If your story is an interpersonal example, getting to the Iceberg can help you move from the wrong fight to the right conversation. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

To Detect Icebergs Use “What” not “Why” questions. MRT Skills Use “What” not “Why” questions. What is the most upsetting part of that for me? What does that mean to me? What is the worst part of that for me? Assuming that is true, what about that is so upsetting to me? Ask the questions in any order. Repeat back the belief that came before. Stop when the Iceberg explains the Consequences or you’re close enough. MRT Trainer Instructions: Review the four “What” questions. Ask participants for their thoughts on the value of “What” questions instead of “Why” questions. Underscore that “What” questions lead to curiosity, reflection, and openness, and “Why” questions lead to defensiveness and rationalization. Highlight that the “What” questions on the slide are only sample questions. Any “What” questions are fine if they help guide the person deeper toward his or her Iceberg and do not keep the person focused on Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts. Explain that participants should anchor each question with the last response. Repeat back exactly what the person said. Do not paraphrase. To determine when to stop asking the “What” questions, remind participants to ask themselves if the Iceberg explains the intense reaction. Remind participants that the person whose situation it is decides when to stop asking the “What” questions. Key Points: You can identify your Icebergs by asking yourself four simple “What” questions. The “What” questions help you to be curious about what triggered your strong reaction whereas “Why” questions tend to lead to defensiveness or rationalization. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Once you’ve identified your Iceberg, think about: MRT Skills Think about if you still believe/value this Iceberg. Consider whether or not the Iceberg is overly rigid in some situations. Think about whether your Iceberg is getting in your way in some situations and what specific actions you would take if you want to change your Iceberg. Think about what you can do to change your emotions or reactions to make these types of situations go better for yourself and others. Think about whether there is a more direct conversation you need to have with someone and what the conversation is about. MRT Trainer Instructions: Emphasize that once the Iceberg has been identified they can ask themselves questions to evaluate whether the Iceberg is something still valued/ believed in, whether it is overly rigid, whether it is helpful or if it is getting in your way, whether you can change your emotions and reactions in response to the Iceberg to make the situation better, and whether there is a more direct conversation to be had. Point out that an overly rigid Iceberg is one that is too inflexible (e.g., “I always have to do everything perfectly”) or too narrow (e.g., “a good mother tucks her children into bed every night”). Emphasize that once the Iceberg has been identified, the participants can reflect on whether or not they want to change or reinforce the Iceberg. If the want to reinforce it, they can reflect on how they can do so through their actions, decisions, etc. If they want to change the Iceberg, they can reflect on how they would start to change it (for example, seeking out people and information that related to a different Iceberg, challenging themselves to perceive themselves and/or the world differently, putting themselves in experiences that will help them to shift that value and/or belief, etc.). Key Points: Participants may find that an Iceberg is not serving them well in a particular situation, and is undercutting their resilience. Participants may find that something they used to believe strongly has changed over time. Participants may find that they still believe their Iceberg, but they could be less rigid about it. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs Key Principles MRT Skills The “Aha” moment: Stop when your beliefs help to explain your Consequences (Emotions and Reactions). Icebergs can create Thinking Traps: Sometimes Icebergs push us into one or more Thinking Traps. What not Why: “What” questions lead to depth; “Why” questions lead to defensiveness. Self-awareness: Self-awareness is a primary target of Detect Icebergs. MRT Trainer Instructions: Review the Key Principles. Ask for questions or comments. Clarify any misconceptions. Ask participants if there are any other Key Principles they would add to the list. Mention that Detect Icebergs is about going vertical when you otherwise might go lateral (think of related events rather than identifying what’s really going on). Emphasize that this allows you to have the “right conversation” with someone because it helps you to figure out what’s really going on with you. Point out that the skill lowers the intensity of emotions because it leads to a greater understanding about the causes of a reaction and helps you to be thoughtful rather than reactive. Key Points: Detect Icebergs helps to build the MRT competency of Self-awareness. Identifying Icebergs helps us to have greater control. Identifying Icebergs helps us move from the wrong fight to the right conversation. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

When is Detect Icebergs needed? Slide Builds MRT Skills AE (who, what, when, where): Bob’s brother moves his grill to a new location. Thoughts: What you said to yourself in the heat of the moment Consequences: ER: Emotions, Reactions Heat-of-the-Moment Thought: It would have been nice for him to ask me first. Thought Theme: Trespass E: Intense sadness. R: Becomes withdrawn from family for several hours. Do I need to Detect an Iceberg?  Yes  No MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask participants to point out when the skill of Detect Icebergs is needed in the example provided. In this example, explain that Detect Icebergs is needed because there is a T-C disconnect. Note that the box next to “Yes” is checked when the slide is advanced because an Iceberg needs to be detected. Key Point: The skill of Detect Icebergs may be helpful here so that Bob can understand his T-C disconnect better, and evaluate the Iceberg.  Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

When is Detect Icebergs needed? Slide Builds MRT Skills AE (who, what, when, where): Someone cuts you off on the highway. Thoughts: What you said to yourself in the heat of the moment Consequences: ER: Emotions, Reactions Heat-of-the-Moment Thought: He could have killed me! Thought Theme: Trespass E: Pissed off. R: Your body tenses up and you honk your horn. Do I need to Detect an Iceberg?  Yes  No MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask participants to point out when the skill of Detect Icebergs is needed in the example provided. In this example, explain that Detect Icebergs is not needed because the Emotions and Reactions are not out of proportion to the Thoughts. Note that the box next to “No” is checked when the slide is advanced because an Iceberg does not need to be detected. Key Point: Not all strong emotions and reactions are driven by Icebergs. Sometimes our Heat-of-the-Moment Thoughts explain our strong emotions and reactions.  Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs Practice Participant Guide pages 66-68 MRT Skills Practical Exercise: Practice the skill using the Practical Exercise. Take turns in the “MRT” role. Total recommended time: 67 mins Setup: 12 mins Practice: 40 mins Debrief: 15 mins MRT Trainer Instructions: Refer participants to the Participant Guide. Describe the Practical Exercise for Detect Icebergs using the example in the Participant Guide and following the Practical Exercise instructions on the following page. If participants have trouble coming up with a good learning example, encourage participants to think about situations when: The Consequence is out of proportion to the Thought. The Thought-Consequence theme doesn’t match. They are confused by their reaction. They are stuck when making a seemingly obvious decision. They can’t get over something. Their positive reaction is out of proportion to the Thought (e.g., they are unusually moved by something). They have a pet peeve. Remind participants to refer to the Activating Events or “What are your Icebergs?” Practical Exercises for situations to work with (Participant Guide pages 34-35 and 65). Tell participants to reflect on other Icebergs they have that can help them to reinforce or change the Iceberg they detect. For example, if you are trying to change the Iceberg “people should stick to their own kind,” you might remind yourself of your other Iceberg, “everyone is equal.” Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs Debrief Participant Guide page 74 Flip Chart MRT Skills What did you learn through this exercise? What was it like to use the “What” questions? How did being asked “What” questions affect your ability to explore your beliefs? How do your Icebergs get in the way of you making time to rejuvenate? How do your Icebergs support you in your efforts in rejuvenate? MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask participants what they learned through this Practical Exercise and record critical points on a flip chart. Remind participants to record debrief points on the Debrief and Applications page in the Participant Guide. Encourage the participants to talk about what it was like asking the “What” questions and how it felt to be asked the “What” questions. Reiterate that asking “What” questions can be difficult because our tendency is to ask “Why” questions or to try to solve the problem. Explain that Icebergs can help one to rejuvenate or prevent one from rejuvenating, and that it is important to pull on Icebergs that help you rejuvenate (e.g., work hard, play hard) and be aware of any Icebergs that get in the way of rejuvenation (e.g., I should be able to handle it all). Ask participants how they would go about changing an Iceberg if that is what they want to do. For example, how would someone go about changing the Iceberg: “I'll never amount to anything?” Or how would someone change the Iceberg: “People should stick to their own kind?“ Ask participants if they ever changed own of their Icebergs and, if so, how. Key Points: Remind participants that they are learning a new skill, and it may seem unnatural at first. Encourage them to practice during their daily lives when the situation calls for this skill. Sometimes a person already has a feeling of what his/her Iceberg will be before he/she does the exercise. That is okay because the goal is to help him/her to learn the skill. The goal of the skill is to bring the Iceberg into awareness so it can then be evaluated: Do I still believe it? Is it overly rigid? Is it useful? Most Icebergs are useful. However, even useful Icebergs can cause people to react in ways that are out of proportion or unhelpful in a given situation. Icebergs can, at times, be overly rigid. Difficult interpersonal experiences are often times when two Icebergs clash. Sometimes when a person has difficulty making a decision, it is because two valued Icebergs are clashing within him or her. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs Applications Participant Guide page 74 MRT Skills How do your Icebergs contribute to your effectiveness in the Army and your family? How do your Icebergs undercut your effectiveness in the Army and your family? How can you use the skill of Detect Icebergs to make yourself a better Soldier, friend, or family member? How do Icebergs get in the way of you asking for help if and when you need it? MRT Trainer Instructions: Discuss the application ideas generated by the participants. Remind participants to record application ideas on the Debrief and Applications page in the Participant Guide. Be certain to explore the final question on the slide and leave enough time for discussing Icebergs that interfere with asking for help (such as “Asking for help means you’re weak,” or “Asking for help means you failed”). Engage the participants in a short conversation about how they can help to challenge Army cultural Icebergs about asking for help by modeling asking for help from other Soldiers. Some examples of applications are: Although this is meant as an internal skill, it can be helpful to use some of the “what” questions in a conversation, with the right person at the right time. Often when parents disagree about how to handle a situation with their children, it is because their Icebergs are colliding. Knowing what the Icebergs are can lead to more productive discussions. When leaders know the Icebergs of the people they lead, they can decide if and how to tailor their statements, guidance, and behavior in order to most effectively motivate and lead each individual. Leaders need to know what pushes their own buttons. This helps leaders stay in control. Leaders can let their subordinates know their Icebergs/values up front so that the subordinates know what values the leader is striving for. Key Points: Detect Icebergs has many applications both at home and in the Army. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs: Check on Learning Slide Builds MRT Skills What is the skill? Detect Icebergs is used to identify and evaluate core beliefs or values that are driving our Emotions and Reactions. When do I use it? Use Detect Icebergs when your Emotion or Reaction seems out of proportion and is undermining your performance or effectiveness. Use it with others only when an appropriate relationship exists. How do I use it? Ask yourself the series of “What” questions to identify the Iceberg. Once the Iceberg is identified, think through issues such as the flexibility of your value/belief, whether you need to have a conversation with someone, and how you can change your value/belief, if so desired. What is the skill? Detect Icebergs is used to identify and evaluate deep beliefs or values that are driving our Emotions and Reactions. When do I use it? Use Detect Icebergs when your Reaction seems out of proportion and is undermining your performance or effectiveness. Use it with others only when an appropriate relationship exists. How do I use it? Ask yourself the series of “What” questions to identify the Iceberg. Once the Iceberg is identified, ask yourself questions regarding the usefulness, accuracy, and flexibility of the belief. MRT Trainer Instructions: Ask each question. (Note that the slide builds.) Check to make sure the participants are giving accurate answers. Clarify misconceptions as necessary. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

Detect Icebergs: Check on Learning Participant Guide page 13 MRT Skills MRT Competencies Self-awareness Self-regulation Optimism Mental Agility Strengths of Character Connection Goal Setting Hunt the Good Stuff ATC Energy Management Avoid Thinking Traps Detect Icebergs Problem Solving Put It In Perspective Mental Games Real-Time Resilience Character Strengths Assertive Communication Praise and Active Constructive Responding MRT Trainer Instructions: Refer participants to the Participant Guide. Ask participants to put a check in the boxes to indicate which MRT competencies are developed through Detect Icebergs. Ask participants to describe how Detect Icebergs builds the competency/competencies they checked. Note that many of the skills build several different competencies. Indicate that Self-awareness is a primary target of Detect Icebergs. Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved. MRT Version 3.1 Copyright © 2014 The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.