Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships Chapter topics Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships

Intimacy in Close Relationships Dimensions of Intimacy Physical Intellectual Emotional Shared Activities Some relationships exhibit all four dimensions Other relationships exhibit only one or two

Intimacy in Close Relationships Masculine and Feminine Styles Research shows that women are somewhat more willing than men to share their feelings In terms of amount and depth: Female – Female were at the top Male – Female came in second Male – Male had the least disclosure Biological sex is not as important as the chosen gender role when expressing emotion Generalizations do not apply to every person

Intimacy in Close Relationships Cultural Influences on Intimacy Notions of public and private selves have changed dramatically Collectivist cultures Generally do not reach out to outsiders, often waiting until they are properly introduced before entering into conversation Individualistic cultures Make fewer distinctions between personal relationships and casual ones

Intimacy in Close Relationships Intimacy in Mediated Communication Mediated communication can be just as personal as face-to-face interaction Relational intimacy may develop more quickly through mediated channels Intimate connections in cyberspace can also be problematic “Virtually unfaithful”

Intimacy in Close Relationships The Limits of Intimacy Most people want 4-6 close relationships in their lives Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way of relating to others

Communication in Families Characteristics of Family Communication Family communication is formative Family communication is role-driven Family communication is involuntary

Communication in Families Characteristics of Family Communication Families as systems Family systems are interdependent Family systems are manifested through communication Family systems are nested Subsystems Suprasystems Families are more than the sum of their parts

Communication in Families Communication Patterns within Families Conversation orientation High conversation orientation Low conversation orientation Conformity orientation High-conformity families Low-conformity families

Communication in Families Communication Patterns within Families Consensual High conversation, high conformity Pluralistic High conversation, low conformity Protective Low conversation, high conformity Laissez-faire Low conversation, low conformity

Communication in Friendships Types of Friendships Youthful vs. mature Long term vs. short term Relationship oriented vs. task oriented High disclosure vs. low disclosure High obligation vs. low obligation Frequent contact vs. occasional contact

Communication in Friendships Sex, Gender, and Friendship Same-sex friendships Cross-sex friendships Mutual romance, strictly platonic, one partner desires romance, one partner rejects romance Friends with benefits

Communication in Friendships Sex, Gender, and Friendship Gender considerations Sex role Sexual orientation

Communication in Friendships Friendship and Social Media Internet has made friendship more complicated Social networking sites used primarily to maintain current friendships or to revive old ones Social media isn’t a replacement for face-to-face communication Means to support and rekindle friendships

Communication in Romantic Relationships Ancient Greek Storge and philla Friendly love Pragma Practical, logical affinity Agape Selfless, altruistic compassion Mania Eros

Communication in Romantic Relationships Romantic Turning Points Transformative events that alter the relationship Especially important in romantic relationships Often mark movement among stages Not all turning points are positive Can provide clues about the status of the relationship

Communication in Romantic Relationships Couples’ Conflict Styles John Gottman – conflict styles Volatile Avoidant Validating

Communication in Romantic Relationships Couples’ Conflict Styles Gary Chapman – love languages Words of affirmation Quality time Gifts Acts of service Physical touch Assumption your partner speaks same love language as you can be a setup for disappointment

Improving Close Relationships Relationships Require Commitment Promise - sometimes implied, sometimes explicit – to remain in a relationship and make it successful Commitment formed and reinforced through communication Words aren’t surefire measure of commitment Deeds are also important

Improving Close Relationships Relationships Require Maintenance and Support Relational maintenance strategies Positivity Openness Assurances Social networks Sharing tasks

Improving Close Relationships Relationships Require Maintenance and Support Most used with family and friends Openness Social networks Most used with romantic partners Assurances

Improving Close Relationships Relationships Require Maintenance and Support Social support Helping loved ones through challenging times Communication plays a central role Resources Emotional support Informational support Instrumental support

Improving Close Relationships Repairing Damaged Relationships Types of relational transgressions Lack of commitment Distance Disrespect Problematic emotions Aggression

Improving Close Relationships Repairing Damaged Relationships Relational transgressions Minor vs. significant Social vs. relational Deliberate vs. unintentional One-time vs. incremental

Improving Close Relationships Repairing Damaged Relationships Strategies for relational repair Talk about the violation Take responsibility for the transgression Components of apology Expressing regret Accepting responsibility Making restitution Genuinely repenting Requesting forgiveness

Improving Close Relationships Repairing Damaged Relationships Forgiving transgressions Most effective conversations contain: Explicit statement Discussion of the implications of the transgression and future of relationship Some transgressions harder to forgive One way to improve ability to forgive is to recall times when you have mistreated or hurt others

Chapter Review Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships