Divorce/Qualities of a Successful Marriage

Divorce 11/14/2018

Probability of Divorce: Social and Demographic Factors Marital Age and Childbearing earlier marriages are at higher risk marriages where there is premarital childbirth are at higher risk Religion, Socioeconomic Status, Race those who attend church/religious institutions regularly have lower divorce rates interfaith marriages have higher divorce rates men earning less income and women earning median income have higher divorce rates African-Americans have highest divorce rates, Caucasians are in the middle, Mexican-Americans have the lowest divorce rates (do not have stats on Asians, Middle Easterners, or other ethnic groups) 11/14/2018

divorce highest in the West, next highest in the South Geographic Area divorce highest in the West, next highest in the South divorce higher in big cities than rural areas Parental Divorce divorce higher if parents got divorced Presence of Children risk of divorce decreases with increasing numbers of children up to 5 and then increases risk of divorce is lowest when children below 3 years, highest when children in midteens, lower again after children reach 17 years 11/14/2018

Causes of Divorce (see overhead) Wife Husband Therapists – communication, unrealistic expectations, power, individual problems, role conflict, lack of loving feelings, affection demonstration, alcoholism, affairs, sex Process of Disaffection the beginning phase – disappointment, disillusionment, hurt and anger the middle phase – anger and hurt increase, people expect negative behavior from partner, both become apathetic, attempts to please partner lessen the end phase – anger is frequently reported, feelings of trust decline, helplessness increases 11/14/2018

satisfaction or attractions of the marriage barriers to getting out The Divorce Decision – Factors to Consider – satisfaction or attractions of the marriage barriers to getting out attractiveness of alternatives to marriage 11/14/2018

Alternatives to divorce marital counseling marital enrichment structured separation – couples separate temporarily and come together with counseling to interrupt old interactional patterns reasons for a structured separation – extreme conflict, absence of spouse reinforcement, feeling smothered by jealousy or control, midlife crisis, indecision regarding divorce 11/14/2018

Alimony and child support Mediation vs. legal process Legal issues No fault divorce – irreconcilable differences caused breakdown of the marriage, no one at fault (as opposed to adversarial approach) Property and money Alimony and child support Mediation vs. legal process 11/14/2018

Loneliness and readjustment Adult Adjustment – Emotional trauma – a great deal of loss and a sense of failure, low self esteem Attitudes of society – can be judgmental, marital community may be rejecting Loneliness and readjustment Finances – women go down in financial status, men go up Realignment of responsibilities and work roles Sexual readjustments Contacts with exspouse Kinship interaction 11/14/2018

Child Adjustment most of the emotional and academic problems occur in the first 6 months to two years, boys act out more some indication of long term trust issues in relationships but no conclusive data worst emotional outcome when marital conflict was low or nonexistent and it comes as a surprise to the children 11/14/2018

Qualities of a Successful Marriage 11/14/2018

How do you evaluate marital success? Durability? Approximation of Ideals? Fulfillment of Individual Needs? Marital satisfaction – the extent to which couples are satisfied with the marriage – best indicator 11/14/2018

commitment of partners to each other 12 Qualities of a Successful Marriage (as determined by 3 large studies on marriage) Commitment – high degree of motivation to make the marriage work and a willingness to expend personal time and energy to make sure it does commitment to self commitment of partners to each other commitment to the relationship, marriage and family 11/14/2018

should be equal division of labor Honesty, trust, fidelity –takes time to get established and can be ruined with one dishonest action of enough severity Responsibility should be equal division of labor gender role performance should match expectations Adaptability, flexibility, tolerance – can allow for growth and change in a spouse and adapt to outside stressors or circumstances 11/14/2018

Unselfishness – giving of yourself but not too much Communication – listening, sharing feelings, giving clear messages, etc. Empathy, sensitivity – ability to identify with feelings and thoughts of another Admiration, respect – accepting, appreciating, liking, and being respectful of another’s differences 11/14/2018

Affection – couples must meet each other’s need for physical and verbal affection Companionship – spending time together, sharing interests and activities, enjoying each other Ability to deal with crises, stress – must be able to constructively deal with frustration and anger without taking it out on others Spirituality and values – religious orientation, similar beliefs and values 11/14/2018