The last year at home and the first year away.

The last year at home and the first year away.

Your family changes forever. Changing role for parent. Ugly, Part I. Letting go is hard. Your family changes forever. Changing role for parent. Changing role for the student as a child of the parent.

Old friends/new friends Ugly, Part II. Old friends/new friends Homesickness No one to watch over Medical care Mental health issues Academic stress

The last year at home and the first year away.

To what extent do we prepare the senior for their upcoming freedom by relaxing rules and supervision during the senior year? Senior Supervision

Maintain tight behavioral control thru senior year. Advantage: Safety. Disadvantage: Young person rapidly goes from tight supervision to ZERO supervision.

Abandon the rules/curfew etc. Maintain tight behavioral control thru senior year. Advantage: Safety. Disadvantage: Young person rapidly goes from tight supervision to ZERO supervision. Abandon the rules/curfew etc. Advantage: person experience regulating own behavior, making decisions about study time v. playtime, etc. Disadvantage: Increases danger of behavioral trouble. Increases underage drinking.

Abandon the rules/curfew etc. Advantage: Gives young person experience with regulating their own behavior, making own decisions about study time v. playtime, etc. Disadvantage: Increases chance of behavioral trouble/danger. Maintain tight behavioral control thru senior year. Advantage: Safety. Disadvantage: Young person rapidly goes from tight supervision to ZERO supervision.

Negotiate a sensible curfew, but have one. Examples to Consider: Backing off academics. Negotiate a sensible curfew, but have one. Maintain your position on underage drinking: It’s not any less illegal than it was last year and it’s potentially catastrophic.

How I Will Be Quoted Parents: Dr. Wisely says you still have to maintain tight controls on seniors. Seniors: Dr. Wisely says “give us our freedom!”

Find a middle way?

Sharing the Dilemma

The last year at home and the first year away.

moving-in day Your child may freak out. You (or your spouse) may freak out. Let the children lead. Don’t overextend your welcome. Say something reassuring.

Some dangers… Social problems (roommates, relationships) Drinking/Binge Drinking Car wrecks Depression/anxiety Eating problems Getting sick a lot Internet/social media/video games addiction Social problems (roommates, relationships) Not going to class Sleep problems Money issues Academic problems

How to Graduate from College* Go to class. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. The rest is details. *Dr. Cory Newman

The role of digital communications. Having a communication “agreement.”

Tips for 1st year. Money Grades Attendance Road trips Work out the communication thing, and communicate about communication. Establish a (contractual) understanding Money Grades Attendance Road trips Be respectful and cautious about advice.

Be prepared for “buyer’s remorse.” Share needs about seeing each other. Share any anxiety (dilemma) you have about how they’re doing. Work out a financial plan.

Role confusion? How do we handle household rules (curfew) when a college student is home for vacations and holidays?