Family Support/ Recovery Barbara Woods, LCSW, ACSW 972-467-7993

Diagnosing an Alcohol Use Disorder A few mild symptoms — which you might not see as trouble signs — can signal the start of a drinking problem. If heavy drinking continues, over time, the number and severity of symptoms can grow and add up to an "alcohol use disorder." Doctors diagnose an alcohol use disorder when a patient's drinking causes distress or harm

Behavioral Symptoms Alcohol Dependence Drink more or longer than intended Tries to modify drinking habits more than once, but cannot Spends a lot of time drinking or hungover Wants a drink so badly that can not concentrate on anything else Drinking and being hungover has interfered with responsibilities to family, job, and home Continues to drink even though it causes trouble with family and friends Give up important and enjoyable activities in order to drink Get into situations after drinking, such as driving or walking in a high-crime neighborhood, which increases chances of injury Continue to drink even though feeling depressed, anxious, and/or blackout Needs to drink more than before to get the same effect Feels withdrawal symptoms, such as nausea and sweating

ADDICTION –FAMILY DISEASE NCADD (National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependency) states that Addiction is a family disease that stresses the family to the breaking point…..impacts the family unit, mental and physical health…..”Living with Addiction creates a feeling of insanity”. Over time family becomes more and more dysfunctional to adapt. Dysfunction becomes the “new normal”.

CONTAGIOUS INSANITY IS “CATCHING! The stress of living with an alcoholic produces dysfunctional coping behavior similar to that of post traumatic stress syndrome

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS CHAPTER 9: The Family Afterward “Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.” Page 122 1939

HEALTHY FAMILY NURTURING FLEXIBLE RULES SELF-WORTH VALIDATED THROUGH OTHERS CHANGE IS ENCOURAGED OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION

UNHEALTHY FAMILY ISOLATION RIGID RULES SELF-WORTH VALIDATED THROUGH THE ALCOHOLIC STATUS QUO IS PROTECTED LITTLE OR NO COMMUNICATION

CODEPENDENCY A CODEPENDENT PERSON IS ONE WHO HAS LET ANOTHER PERSON’S BEHAVIOR AFFECT HIM OR HER, AND WHO IS OBSESSED WITH CONTROLLING THAT PERSON’S BEHAVOR.

CODEPDENCY A psychological and behavioral condition that develops as a result of the individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules which prevent the open expression of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems. Robert Subby, M.A.

CODEPENDENCY The central feature of codependency is “an unhealthy dependence on relationships, usually in an attempt to avoid feelings of abandonment”.

The Healing Process for Families Education – Books, Lectures, Internet Explore Intervention Attend Family Treatment Program Get Professional Help – EAP/ Therapist Attend a Mutual Support Group

MUTUAL SUPPORT GROUPS AL-ANON FAMILY/PARENTS ANONYMOUS ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLS AND OTHER DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ALATEEN

Family Treatment/Support is critical Treatment setting offers safety and security Shame anger, guilt, fear reduction Education about disease of addiction Families are left “to deal” without support Minimal or no change in family dysfunction with no treatment or support . Addiction education is healing for the family

Family Treatment Programs Varies among facilities Weekly visits in person if feasible Telephonic sessions Weekend extended programs 2-3-5 day programs

Family Treatment Education on the Disease Boundaries Self Care “Let’s Talk”—Couples/family therapy in safe environment Open up lines of healthy communication You are not alone—establish a support group

What to Expect Post Discharge? The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous mentions that a “personality change” must occur to bring about recovery from alcoholism. This includes a vast change in feelings and outlook, and a profound alteration in an individual’s reaction to life.

Honey I’m Home More time at home vs flying New commitments and responsibilities New Priorities?? Personality Change…Who are you? Different reaction to stress

With Family Treatment Positive Personality Changes Alanon and other self help group attendance No drugs/alcohol in the home Improved communication/healthy boundaries Stronger family unit-”We are in this Together” Family members participate in self care

No Family Treatment Difficulty adjusting to the “new” normal No support group—no education on disease Resentment/distrust of increased absence from home—meetings, HIMS, aftercare, etc. Less $$ You are the problem and I’m suffering

Relapse Returning home to dysfunction= relapse

Family Texts I got the book. I’m so sad. I’m seeing a counselor ASAP. I want him healthy. The book made me see my role in this and that hurts. But what I also see is not many if any stay together when this is the dynamic of the relationship.

Family Texts We had some wonderful times and memories hence the reason I never gave up on the relationship. Seems I need to now. If I’m contributing to his drinking, then I need to leave him alone. The thought of this being the end of us and the chances of ever being together again is intolerable. I’m hurting so much. I don’t want to “not” have him in my life.

Family Texts It’s Really hard tonight! I feel like I’m having a heart attack. I know I’m not. It just hurts a lot.

Family Texts I’m off work today. Thought I would be ok. But I’m choking down tears.

Family Texts His family needs me. They are like my own children. To think I might not be in his life and theirs after 18 years is just not reasonable. I’m trying to read and go to alanon to understand this process but I’m not really understanding it.

Resources Melodie Beattie: Co-Dependency & Beyond Codependency The New Codependency CoDependent No More Love is Not Enough, Dr.James Dobson It Will Never Happen to Me, Claudia Black