Difficult Discussions School of Rehabilitation Therapy, Physical Therapy Program Meaghan Welfare Queen’s – QUFA Conflict Resolution Service

Welcome

Difficult Discussions Ad hoc Immediate Unplanned Reactive Planned Timely Well planned Responsive

What makes a discussion difficult? Worried about hurting someone's feelings Touchy or uncomfortable topic Potential of damaging a relationship What if I say the wrong thing? Offend someone Create an unpleasant atmosphere

1. Know Thyself Perception Default behaviours Conflict Management Style

Perception How you perceive conflict will impact your experience with conflict If you see conflict as bad you are likely to have more negative experiences If you see conflict as positive/opportunity for change/growth/development/relationship building, your experience will be more positive

Have you ever… Gossiped about someone’s behavior instead of speaking to them? Made a leading statement in a meeting, in hopes that someone else would raise a difficult issue? Emailed someone to say something you didn’t want to say in person? Given in on a situation that was important to you and later regretted it? Consider: How do I normally react to difficult situations? What are other examples of mismanaged conflict in the workplace?

Conflict Management Styles HIGH Competing Collaborating GOALS Compromising The way we handle conflict when it arises is largely due to our default style, which is a bit about nature and nurture. Our natural tendencies and what we were taught by our family of origin. Avoiding Accommodating LOW HIGH RELATIONSHIP Thomas-Killman instrument

2. Walk a mile… Take time to consider the other person’s perspective Approach a sensitive topic with empathy Be compassionate towards what they may be experiencing Try to acknowledge the commonalities you share with this person Ask yourself: What might be motivating them? What might they be their desired outcome? that way, you are a mile away from them and have their shoes,” be capable of identifying and understanding another person’s feelings, without experiencing them for yourself at that particular moment.

3. Be assertive Confident statements and behaviour The process for expressing thoughts and feelings while asking for what you want Avoid being seen as: ‘pushy’ – aggressive ‘waffly’ – passive

Assertiveness Taking charge of your own behaviour Take responsibility for your own feelings/behaviours/thoughts, and express them accurately The ability to recognize that others are also in charge of their own behaviour Resist the need to control or change others The ability to express your preferences for others behaviour Ask for what you want, say “no” to what you don’t want

DESC Describe Say what is happening that you want to deal with now. Focus on the immediate situation Express Express your feelings about the situation/behaviour. Begin with “I” and avoid “You” statements. Specify Specify your prefered behaviour or outcome. Consequences Identify the positive payoff for both. “I think this will help me feel more comfortable being with you, and we can have a better relationship…” When I am interrupted in a meeting I feel disrespected. In the future I would prefer to be able to finish my thoughts before others speak. That way we can all be heard and included.

4. Listen If you enter a discussion from a place of curiosity and truly listen, you are more likely to deal with what really matters Help me understand vs. I understand Get comfortable with silence Avoid ‘listening with your answer running’

Active Listening Reflecting (empathy) Summarizing Name or identifying an emotion you observe which may not have been stated “You seem very frustrated” “I can see in your body language that you are agitated” Summarizing Repeating/paraphrasing the key points you have heard “If I understand you correctly you are saying…” "No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care" ― Theodore Roosevelt

Listen Avoid distractions Computer Phone Busy location

5. Have a model Communication model is key to guiding the conversation towards success Break it down into manageable steps Builds confidence Creates a path

Model Many models out there Most important step is preparation Plan but don’t script Ask yourself: Why am I having this conversation? What’s important to me? What is my ideal outcome? What can I do to make the outcome win/win for both of us?

Model How do I begin? Example: Ensure statement is mutual and non-blaming Example: “I’d like to talk about our last meeting and how I felt about it.” “I need your help with what just happened, could we spend a few minutes discussing it?”

Successful Conversations Prepare in advance for success Plan but don’t script Be assertive Consider the other persons perspective Listen genuinely and with authentic curiosity Be open to changing your mind when new information is presented Be empathic and compassionate towards the other and yourself

Get in touch meaghankwelfare@gmail.com www.conflictengagement.ca Thank you Get in touch meaghankwelfare@gmail.com www.conflictengagement.ca