Which is better? Papers overflowed my cramped desk as I rummaged for the pencil I knew was buried somewhere inside its dark depths. My desk is a mess.

My teeth chattered as I blew warm breath on my numb fingers. Which is better? I am cold. My teeth chattered as I blew warm breath on my numb fingers.

Which is better? The broken windows and creaking hinges made me tremble as I slowly crossed the shadowed yard towards the dilapidated house. I was scared as I walked towards the haunted house.

Which descriptions were better? Why? What were the differences?

Strategies for effective descriptive writing SHOWING vs. Telling Strategies for effective descriptive writing

Show versus Tell Please shut your eyes while I read this sentence to you: Mavis was angry when she heard what the umpire said. What does that look like?

Show versus Tell Please shut your eyes again and listen to this sentence: Shaking his head back and forth, Mavis pounded home plate with her fist after the umpire shouted, “You’re out!” Now what picture do you have in your head?

Rhetorical Strategies Strategies writers use to SHOW what is happening include: describing the character’s actions rather than just saying how he or she feels using action verbs using precise nouns and active verbs with strong modifiers (adjectives, adverbs, phrases and clauses) using similes, metaphors and personification using dialogue appealing to some of the five senses to paint a picture of what is happening

Word Choices “The difference between any word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” - Mark Twain The exact word means that you convey precisely what you, the writer, want the reader to see and you do it in a way that is fresh, clean, concise, and accurate. Why choose the word crimson over red ? Why furious over angry? Is your cat orange or is he pumpkin-colored? Did the wind blow or did it slap? Did the river run or roar?

Turning the abstract to concrete Telling: This is really generalized language; this is the writer telling me what a sick woman is. I can’t see this image. I can’t visualize “lively” or “symptoms of illness” or her “not herself.” Showing: Now this is a specific sick woman. Now I can see her. I can start to understand her specific illness. And remember, you can alter the details to convey a specific kind of sick: perhaps she’s vomiting; maybe her face is red with fever. Those are the kinds of details that make the writing stand out.

PRACTICE: Turn these “tell” statements into descriptions that “show” Ask yourself: Can I close my eyes and see what I’m trying to convey? Check those words: Can they be more fresh and vivid? Are they too general – can they be more specific and particular?

The mall is crowded in December. Options: The mall is crowded in December. My bedroom is the one place in my house I feel peace. When I tripped, I was embarrassed. I live on a busy street. He was the worst bus driver in the district. My grandmother’s house has a lot of special memories for me. Ask yourself: Can I close my eyes and see what I’m trying to convey? Check those words: Can they be more fresh and vivid? Are they too general – can they be more specific and particular?

Sources www.vanderbilt.edu/hpao/.../Show%20don't%20tell%20AMCAS.ppt www.mce.k12tn.net/english/Show,%20Don't%20Tell.ppt www.misscantillon.com/Class%20Notes/show,don'ttell.ppt