Conflict Resolution: Part 1 Richard Jones MA, MBA, LCAS, CCS, CCDP FAVOR-Greenville rich@wellnesspartners.org 864-764-8504

Agenda What is a crucial conversation? Big Picture Framework: less about technique; more about self-awareness. Less about the “head” more about the “heart”. How do you view human behavior? Why do people do what they do?

Crucial Conversations What makes a conversation “crucial” vs. typical? First, opinions vary Second, the stakes are high Third, emotions run strong

Crucial Conversations “Common” Crucial Conversations Ending a relationship Asking a friend to repay a loan Giving the boss feedback about her behavior Critiquing a colleague’s work Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments Talking to a colleague who is hoarding information or resources

Crucial Conversations How do we handle crucial conversations: We can avoid them We can face them and handle them poorly We can face them and handle them well

Crucial Conversations Why don’t crucial conversations tend to go well? Emotions tend to rule Your body physically reacts We are under pressure We are stumped We act in self defeating ways

Crucial Conversations Why it is important to master crucial conversation skills: Kick Start Your Career Improve Your Organization Improve Your Relationships Revitalize Your Community Improve Your Personal Health

Self-Awareness The MOST important aspect of managing crucial conversations is managing yourself. Emotional intelligence: self- awareness, managing emotions, motivation, empathy leads to effective resolution of conflict. Can you conduct a crucial conversation in a crisis situation?

What you do depends on what you want: Possible desired outcomes: To put someone in their place? To get my way? To get my point across and maintain the relationship… To get my point across and maintain my reputation… or place of power…or position…etc… Do you know what you want?

Jo-Hari Window

Why do people do what they do? Behaviorist: Because of rewards and consequences; positive and negative reinforcement…People can be controlled and other people’s behavior regulated. Hardwired: born that way…poor character…a sociopath Environment: poor upbringing; do not know what is right or wrong…

Why? Motivation: don’t want to be different… Cognition: Stories they tell… Thoughts lead to emotions lead to behaviors…

Stories…Everyone has a different perspective

2 people can look at the same situation or ‘picture’ and see entirely different things

Different Perspectives (2)

Happinessisnowhere Mastering you perspective by intentional thinking is a life a changing process…