Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary pmonroe@biblical.edu

A hidden crisis Do you know who is in crisis around you Struggling with sexual identity Struggling with pornography Struggling with masturbation What does a struggler look like? Nothing different!

Take a moment… What is your first image of a sexually broken person? Victim of abuse? Addict? Offender? Willful sinner? How has your church spoken of the sexually broken in the last year?

Mercy Ministry for Sexual Brokenness Simple steps, really: Education Prevention Direction Comfort, accountability, and support: a place in the family of God

Education From the pulpit and classroom: Specific Issues Provide a picture of healthy sex Normalize (sexual) brokenness Testimonies the provide a picture of healing Specific Issues Struggles to feel understood (the need for quality materials for those hiding their pain) Struggles with desire and temptation Struggles with identity All or nothing thinking in the world and church?

Sexual Identity and Attraction Identity and Attraction are multifaceted Attraction and Identity are not equivalent! Sexual Identity Gender (and feelings about one’s gender) Persistence and direction of attraction Intention Behaviors (personal and environment) Values (personal and community) “one drop” of gay attraction doesn’t equal gay identity! Adapted from Mark Yarhouse,

Sexual Identity

Prevention Does your church speak winsomely about Positive, non-objectifying images of women? The beauty of sexual desire? Internet filters and accountability? Sexual identity and same-sex attraction in non-stereotyping manner? Singlehood? The process of becoming dead and undead?

A Biblical View of Desire We are made to desire God and his creation But since sin entered the world… We long for things that are out of reach These unfulfilled longings are painful We often turn good desires into demands We desire too little rather than too much We often want behavior management rather than transformation

Direction What do I do if I struggle with: Where do I turn? confused sexual identity and same-sex attraction? sexual addictions? Where do I turn?

Sexual Identity SSA Goals Use descriptive language vs. politically charged Seek peace with Christian identity as primary shaper of facets of identity Understand multiple influences on sexual attraction, behaviors, experiences See relationships between sensations, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors Achieve safe, meaningful relationships

Entering Into the Addict’s Life Looking to be there for the long haul Recognizing spiritual, will, and body dimensions of enslavement Alert to stages of change Practicing good spiritual hygiene

How do I protect myself from demanding desires? Visual reminders, reality checks Staying close to God’s Word Prayer Make your struggle a community effort Humility and Simplicity

Comfort & Support Groups for all Provide worship, support, teaching, prayer, tears, accountability Avoid splitting out by problem Provide safe place for offended family members to struggle with trust and yet turn to see God/self in the midst of the pain Session uses discipline in the widest sense of the word (hospital, not merely court)

Warning Everyone wants sexual brokenness to go away But what if the struggle doesn’t diminish? The struggler and supports often conspire to pretend that the problem is gone Find ways to make okay to keep talking about struggles in a Gospel manner

Helpful Tools Web materials Books www.harvestusa.org (see handouts with me) Materials, church training, consultation www.covenanteyes.com (accountability) www.bsafehome.com (filtering) Books Yarhouse, Mark. Sexual Identity Synthesis… University Press of America (2004) Welch, Ed. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave… P & R Publishing (2001) Gallagher, Steve. At the altar of sexual idolatry. Pure Life (2000) Howard, Jeanette. Out of Egypt. Monarch Books (2001)

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