Self esteem www.thrivingfutures.co.uk

How do you know if someone has confidence? Draw the outline of the person opposite Label it with attributes a confident person has. E.g. Looks happy Wears smart clean clothes etc www.thrivingfutures.co.uk

What is self confidence? I really want to be part of the football team, I’m going to give it a try – I’ve got as good a chance as everyone else. Having self confidence means that you believe that you are able to do and achieve things. It means that you’re willing to try new things because you know you are capable of making a success of it. But for most people it’s not like that …

Low self confidence I’m not good enough. Most people aren’t like this, they question their ability to do things. How often have you had self doubts like these? I’m not good enough. I can’t pass this exam, it’s not worth trying. Why would they pick me over that other person. Who’d want to go out with you. Everyone has these sorts of thoughts at some time – even the people who seem the loudest or most confident. It is natural and normal to doubt ourselves.

I’m talented at football and I’m a good team player I’m talented at football and I’m a good team player. If they don’t want me, it’s their loss. Self esteem Self esteem is similar to self confidence, but with an important difference: instead of the thoughts being about your ability to do something, they are actually about you and what you’re like as a person. Again it’s not always like that.

I’m rubbish at football, I’m rubbish at everything I’m rubbish at football, I’m rubbish at everything. Why would they even think about picking me? Self esteem Low self esteem is where you think badly about yourself instead of thinking about the actual situation. Instead of believing that the reason you didn’t get picked for the team was because their was fierce competition, you believe that it’s a personal decision against you. For some people these thoughts can invade their whole way of thinking…

Low Self Esteem You’re too fat You’re ugly There’s no way you’re going to pass the exam You’re pathetic You’re such a looser. You’re too skinny OMG you’re so stupid You’re just a weirdo Living life to the full, 2017)

But why does this happen? It is normal, to have some negative thoughts about yourselves. When you’re a teenager, it’s as if your body is playing a cruel joke on you; at the same time that you start thinking about dating and want to look good, your hormones cause greasy hair and skin, your face breaks into spots, if you’re a boy, your voice starts to break so that you sound like Mickey Mouse at times, and if you’re a girl, your body starts to develop so that that washboard stomach you dream of seems totally impossible. Oh and those pesky hormones – they make you a million times more emotional about the whole thing. Nice. For some people however, these negative thoughts are louder or more persistent than for other people. Negative thoughts Brainstorm where you think these thoughts have come from Something a person we care about has said. Failed past exams

Brainstorm where you think these thoughts have come from Judging yourself against impossible role models. E.g. wanting or expecting to look like a model in a magazine (even the model doesn’t look like the model – it’s down to airbrushing!) A comment a teacher once made Not being valued for being you. Negative thoughts A comment or repeated comment from a school bully Having tried hard to get something, but failed: e.g. A role in a school play Part of the school football/ rugby/ hockey team Coming last in a race Getting a lower mark than expected in some school work. etc Something a person we care about has said. A failed exam Being compared to a brother/ sister/ other family member

What about upbringing? (Wall Street Journal, 2014)

Talking point: Think, Pair, write Think: On your own look at the two images. Use the words to think about how the self esteem of the child might be different and why. Pair: Discuss your ideas with the person sitting next to you. Criticism Love Trust Fear Doubt Ridicule Security Shame Truthfulness Apprehensive Encouragement Confidence Fairness Kindness Respect Honesty Guilt Acceptance Individually, either: write a paragraph in your book explaining why some people have low self esteem. Or Write an advice leaflet about how parents should talk to their children and why.

Time to think