Developing Descriptive Writing

Look at the picture again closely. Then read Description A & Description B.

Beyond the bridge is an old lock. Description A Beyond the bridge is an old lock.

Description B Beyond the low wooden bridge the old lock sleeps, forgotten and motionless as if trapped by the strange, haunting trees that surround it.

Think about the descriptions. Which one do you like the best and why?

Description A – This is a very simple description, the reader does not have to think very much. It just tells you what is there. Beyond the wall is an old lock.

Let’s look more closely. Description B – Here the writer has taken the simple description and added to it. Now the reader has to think and use imagination. Beyond the low, wooden bridge the old lock sleeps, forgotten and motionless as if trapped by the strange, haunting trees that surround it. Let’s look more closely.

Beyond the low, wooden bridge the old lock sleeps . Adjectives – ‘low, wooden and old’ - used to describe the bridge and the lock. Verb / Personification – ‘sleeps’– The writer has made the lock seem human.

The writer has also used the word ‘haunting’. ‘haunting’ suggests something mysterious or frightening. With this one word the writer has introduced a sense of mystery. Just what is happening in the picture?

What else can the writer use? Let’s add another sentence to Description B

What has the writer used now? Description B Beyond the low wooden bridge the old lock sleeps, forgotten and motionless as if trapped by the strange haunting trees that surround it. Their branches are like a tall giant’s fine fingers grasping at the walls. What has the writer used now?

Their branches are like a tall giant’s fine, fingers grasping at the walls . Simile – ‘like’– the writer has said the subject is like something else. It adds to the picture in the reader’s imagination. Alliteration – ‘fine, fingers’ – words with the same beginning sound used one after another. It sounds super!

What makes good descriptive writing? In some ways it is like building a wall, the writer needs to use the right building blocks?

Now look at some different pictures of Fourteen Locks. Make a mind map of your ideas for description. Use your ideas to write exciting descriptive sentences.

Remember to use the building blocks Similes Alliteration Personification Adjectives

More building blocks Metaphor Imagery

Avoid “telling” but try “showing” Example: My teacher, Mrs. Skae, is mean. (telling) Mrs. Skae had a scowl on her face every time we entered her room; with her chilling dark expressions, we knew we were not welcomed. So we feared going into her class. (showing) I never had to tell you Mrs. Skae was mean. I never said the words but by describing her actions, I showed you she was mean.

Now you try it 1. Mr. Alexander is really cool. As a continuation of your notes, take these 5 sentences and improve them. Make them “tell” less and “show” more. 1. Mr. Alexander is really cool. 2. MLK is the best school in the world. 3. I hate cats. 4. I loved my vacation to Alaska. 5. When my dog died, I was sad.