FRATERNAL CORRECTION IN THE SPIRIT OF BLESSED FREDERIC OZANAM

[PRAYER . . .] “Never let evil talk pass your lips; say only the good things men need to hear, things that will really help them. . . Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander, and malice of every kind. In place of them, be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.” Ephesians 4: 29-32 HERE’S WHAT I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY . . .

PROBLEM STATEMENT . . . There appears to be an increasing incidence of members of the Society using “bullying” tactics against other members to control membership or to get their way. HERE’S WHAT I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY . . .

... Begin a conversation OBJECTIVES TODAY . . . Shine light on bullying Understand impact of bullying Identify helpful approaches Develop moral courage ... Begin a conversation WHAT I WON’T DO . . . HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF BULLYING MOSTLY – I JUST WANT TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION

WHERE DO WE BEGIN? “The Society has only one purpose: to sanctify its members in the exercise of charity and to help the poor in their corporal and spiritual needs.” [Blessed Frederic Ozanam, Manual Ch. 3] A GOOD PLACE TO BEGIN OUR CONVERSATION IS WITH THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS : SPIRITUALITY, FRIENDSHIP, AND SERVICE THESE THREE ELEMENTS ARE THE FOUNDATION OF OUR LIFE AS VINCENTIANS THE MOST IMPORTANT – THE FOUNDATION FOR ALL OTHERS – IS SPIRITUALITY – SANCTIFYING OURSELVES AND OTHERS MOST IMPORTANT BECAUSE (A) WE CAN ONLY KEEP DOING WHAT WE’RE DOING IF WE RECOGNIZE THAT WE DO IT TO BE THE FACE OF CHRIST (B) IT’S THE ONLY INDISPUTABLE APPROACH TO EXERCISING CHARITY AND HELPING THE POOR THE THREE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS GIVE US A COMMON LANGUAGE AND A COMMON STANDARD

THE 3 ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS. . . Build on the 3 Essential Elements Spirituality Friendship Service Spiritual growth is our primary goal Standard for our behavior Common language WHAT I WON’T DO . . . HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF BULLYING MOSTLY – I JUST WANT TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION

WHAT IS BULLYING? Repeatedly using superior position, strength, or personality to intimidate someone, typically to force him or her to do what one wants. Synonyms: tyrannize browbeat harass strong-arm dominate REPEATEDLY INTIMIDATE OFTEN WITH PERSONALITY WHAT ARE SOME EXAMPLES/TYPES OF BULLYING? . . .

TYPES OF BULLYING Repeatedly using . . . Non-verbal Sarcastic put-downs Exclusion Invading personal space Accusing/blaming Public ridicule . . . To Intimidate and Control THE KEY IS : . . . REPEATEDLY . . . TO INTIMIDATE/CONTROL

IS IT VINCENTIAN BEHAVIOR? “Frank cordiality characterizes Vincentians. It springs from the friendship that united the founders and remains traditional in Councils and Conferences. Members manifest mutual respect and affection. Cordiality springs not from blood relation or mandate, but from a spiritual bond.” [Manual Ch. 3] THIS IS A GOOD DEFINITION OF VINCENTIAN BEHAVIOR TOWARDS EACH OTHER NOTE THAT IT IS ONCE AGAIN BASED ON SPIRITUALITY – OUR COMMON LANGUAGE

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION . . . Have you witnessed or experienced bullying in the Society, towards you or others? How did it make you feel? How does bullying affect the Society?

Insecure Lonely Controlling Intimidating ( …And Vincentians) WHO ARE THESE BULLIES? Insecure Lonely Controlling Intimidating ( …And Vincentians) AND VINCENTIANS – AND THAT’S THE CHALLENGE . . . THESE ARE OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS WE DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ACTING IN AN EVIL WAY AND EVEN IF WE DO, WE FIND IT HARD TO CREATE DISSENSION IN AN ORGANIZATION THAT’S BASEDE ON SPIRITUALITY AND FRIENDSHIP SO WE JUST LIVE WITH IT, RIGHT? OR WE LEAVE THE CONFERENCE OR . . . IS THAT WHAT GOD WANTS? IS THAT WHAT BLESSED FREDERIC WOULD HAVE CFONDONED?

(. . . And Vincentians?) We assume they are good people at heart; We don’t want to create dissension within the Conference; We are conscious of our own weaknesses …but we also have a spiritual responsibility to them, ourselves, and others. AND VINCENTIANS – AND THAT’S THE CHALLENGE . . . THESE ARE OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS WE DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ACTING IN AN EVIL WAY AND EVEN IF WE DO, WE FIND IT HARD TO CREATE DISSENSION IN AN ORGANIZATION THAT’S BASEDE ON SPIRITUALITY AND FRIENDSHIP SO WE JUST LIVE WITH IT, RIGHT? OR WE LEAVE THE CONFERENCE OR . . . IS THAT WHAT GOD WANTS? IS THAT WHAT BLESSED FREDERIC WOULD HAVE CFONDONED?

WE ARE CALLED TO JOY . . . You are God’s precious child. . . “The Society has only one purpose: to sanctify its members.” You are God’s precious child. . . You deserve respect . . . You are a Vincentian! You deserve Joy! “Vincentians are called to journey together towards holiness . . .” WE Next Slide

THE COST OF SILENCE . . . Bullying will continue Chases volunteers away Reduces effectiveness Ruins reputation of SVDP Steals our joy!

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION . . . What keeps us from confronting bullies? What should we do? What might work? What won’t work?

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO SPEAK UP! WHAT ARE WE TO DO? “Vincentians are called to journey together towards holiness . . . They grow more perfect in love by expressing compassionate and tender love to the poor and one another.” [Rule 2.2] LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO SPEAK UP!

PHASE I: PRE-CONFRONTATION Assume good intentions Listen to them Take it to prayer Examine our conscience Decide where to draw the line

VIRTUE OF HUMILITY . . . “Humility: Accepting the truth about our frailties, gifts, talents, and charism.” [Rule 2.5.1]

PHASE II: CONFRONTATION Preparation - Specific Examples - Cognitive Rehearsal - Use the Rule: Our Call to Holiness Begin 1:1, then 2:1 Involve higher officer or Council if necessary

DON’T GIVE UP . . . “If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault… If he does not listen, take one or two others along…If he refuses to listen to them, tell the Church.” [Mt 18:15-17]

IN CONCLUSION . . . Bullying exists within the Society! Bullying steals our joy! Focus on Spiritual Growth – self & other! Practice Moral Courage! “O God, I will what you will, when you will it, in whatever way you will, because you will.” [Bl. Frederic Ozanam]

IF YOU DON’T, WHO WILL? “Being consistently holy in the world is a continual challenge. Each of us knows our own human frailties and the ease with which our virtue can be eroded by our human tendencies. Through the example and continual challenge of our fellow Vincentians, our virtue is strengthened. We learn to see and love God in the person of the other.”

START THE CONVERSATION . . . Discuss this presentation with your Conferences! John Heithaus johnh@svdpstl.org (314) 881-6020