Parenting Styles www.kevinhinckley.com

Children… A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused, “grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling both faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”

Nephi 1 Nephi 2:12

Mountain Top Experiences

What is our goal?

Critical Goals Knowing and feeling that God really loves him/her. Coming to understand God’s ‘characteristics and attributes’ (Lectures on Faith) This means teaching them to allow the Lord to become the ‘speaker of all [their] words and the doer of all their deeds.” (F. Enzio Busche) Being able to identify the ‘still small voice’ when it speaks to them. Recognizing the spirit as a manifestation of His love and awareness of them. Having experiences of following the directions of the spirit and seeing the result.

Transferring Vital Knowledge The Message The Messenger What they perceive

How did Nephi Teach? 2 Nephi 25:4-7

For example 14 Year Old Girl: Why Can’t I date? “The prophet says so. Now quit asking.” “I know, honey, its kind of dumb. But you’ll be 16 before you know it. Just hang there.” “Well, you’re more mature than most kids your age, so go ahead. Just not too much, OK?” “What are the other kids doing?” “Because if you start now, you’ll be pregnant by 16. Do you really want that?” “Now dear, psychologists say that age 16 is a better age to begin to relationships.”

The Three Primary Factors in Parental Styles Anxiety (A) Control (C) Nurturing (N)

A C N Style 1 Overprotective Intense, overly bonded relationships between parent and child Parents are very reactive Child has little confidence in his/her own skills Punishment is impulsive and “top down” from the parents (and therefore has to be changed later) Testimony Building: Church can feel forced Guilt can be overly used A C N

Style 2 Controlling A Dominated by rules Emphasis on appearance Punishment is about who wins and who loses Children are always told what to do, not involved in decision making Children submit or rebel Testimony Building: Emphasis on being ‘perfect’ Its all about obedience C N

Style 3 Democratic A Few Rules Parents trust natural consequences Children have high degree of latitude in their choices Close relationship between parent and child Children can become self directing Testimony Building: They understand well the parent /child relationship C N

Style 4 Organized Set Schedules Expectations are clear Consequences are well known (Discipline) Parents highly involved Rebellious children may be react to tight structure Testimony Building: Rules and consequences Importance of Covenant Making… A C N

Style 5 Spontaneous A Changing Schedules Relationships are clear Expectations change based on circumstances Consequences change Parents highly involved Rebellious children may be reacting to lack of structure Testimony Building: Commandments “more like guidelines” C N

Style 6 Permissive A Changing Schedules Relationships are difficult Children set expectations Consequences change Parents want to be ‘friends’ Rebellious children may be reacting to lack of structure Testimony Building: Bonding can be with the ward—if the members are nice and have few rules C N

JRR Tolkein It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, Uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule. Return of the King, p. 190