Homosexuality Myths and Truths Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. 2003 The Family Life Society Catholic Medical Guild of Singapore Catholic Lawyers' Guild Catholic Archdiocesan Education Centre Focus On The Family Singapore, Ltd Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104, U.S.A. Counseling Christian Homosexuals © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. This is a presentation for immediate to advance level of mental health professionals and interested individuals. The basic concepts of pro-gay theology and ego-syntonic will not be included in the discussion, rather the assumption is that Christians who struggles with unwanted same-sex attractions. Basic understanding of Same-sex attraction, its theoretical origin and developmental manifestations will be introduced. Gender-Identity formation, sexual abuse and enmeshment will be included as foundational understandings. Trauma and shame-based compulsive cycles will be discussed to introduce the concept of how sex and the various manifestations of sex can be conceptualized as an addiction in the gay scene. Specific counseling techniques will not be included, instead the basic recovery segments will be discussed. Issues such as the gender of the counselor, over-adulation and devaluation, and stages of the recovery will be explained. Finally, the realistic expectations of counseling will be used to conclude this presentation.

Homosexuality Myths and Truths Do you think that some people are born homosexual and cannot change? Is homosexuality - like race, sex and ethnicity - an innate and immutable characteristic, and any attempt to change it is futile?

Homosexuality Myths and Truths Can people escape from the bondage of homosexuality? Is it preventable and treatable?

Homosexuality Myths and Truths Topics & Segments The Roots & Causes of Homosexuality Caring for the Homosexual - a Clinical and Pastoral Approach Questions and Answers Session

Homosexuality Myths and Truths The Roots & Causes of Homosexuality Gender Identity Disorder & Video Case Studies

Root Causes of Homosexuality The Hidden Secret of Psychiatry & Psychology in understanding the formation of Homosexuality… It is about Gender Identity Disorder

DSM-IV Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders, Quote (page 536) By late adolescence or adulthood, about three-quarters of boys who had a childhood history of Gender Identity Disorder report a homosexual or bisexual orientation,

Gender Identity Formation Stages Stage 1 (Birth to Four years old) Parental Same-Gender Attachment Stage 2 (Kindergarten to Stage 1 School) Social Same-Gender Attachment Stage 3 (Elementary to Middle School) Social Opposite-Gender Attachment Stage 4 (Middle to High School) Stage 5 (High School to College) Stage 6 (Beyond First Stage College & Marriage)

Family Tree Diagram Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter

Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully Healthy Relationship Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully

Son attaches with dad for Gender-Identity formation sucessfully Healthy Relationship Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son attaches with dad for Gender-Identity formation sucessfully

Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully Healthy Relationship Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully

Son attempts to attach to father for Gender-Identity formation Healthy Relationship Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son attempts to attach to father for Gender-Identity formation

Unhealthy Relationship Begins Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son’s attempts to attach to father was rebuffed and he experiences rejection and hurt

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Detachment Begins Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son’s attempts to defend against more pain from rejection by defensively detaching from father’s relationship emotionally

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Begins Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son has no choice but to re-attach with mom for emotional security

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Continues Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son has no choice but to re-attach with mom for emotional security Forming Defensive Attachment

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Son generalizes defensive detachment to defensively attach to girls and women: Non- aggressive & softer

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Generalization intensifies. Father becomes a stanger Girl 1 Girl 2

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Generalization intensifies. Men are unfamiliar Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Solidifies Grandma Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Men are objectified-curious-sexualized Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend

Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Solidifies Grandma Aunt 1 Mother Father Son-1 Son-2 Daughter Men are objectified-curious-sexualized Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend

Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999 Imprinting: An Opportune-Window of time for Gender Identity to take place Successful attainment: Secure Gender Identity Attainment failure: Incomplete Gender Identity When Imprinting period is passed, child becomes more vulnerable in Gender Identity Non-Gender-Imprinted child: Seeks attainment indiscriminately due to desperation: Mother

“Opening Doors” Video Resource VCD format 28-minutes Case studies of 2 males & 1 females VCD format 28-minutes Used by permission Available at Choices: Singapore

“Opening Doors”

Homosexuality Myths and Truths Caring for the Homosexual – Clinical and Pastoral Approach

DSM-IV “Homosexuality is not a disease” 1973 APA Committee Action Political action Not a Clinical Decision Many Psychiatrists and Psychologists are in disagreement NARTH.com: National Association of Research and Therapy for Homosexuality

第三修訂版本

第四修訂版本

"It occurred to me that maybe the general consensus, Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Dr. Spitzer said. "It occurred to me that maybe the general consensus, which was that the behavior can be resisted but sexual orientation couldn't be changed, was wrong,"

200 Subjects Who Claim to Have Changed Their Sexual Orientation from Homosexual to Heterosexual Robert L. Spitzer, M.D. Chief, Biometrics Research and Professor of Psychiatry, Columbia University 1051 Riverside Drive, Unit 60, NYS Psychiatric Institute New York, NY 10032 (Presented at the APA: American Psychiatric Association Meeting: May 9, 2001, New Orleans, U.S.A.) This is a more accurate title for my talk.

Excluded 74: 200 Study Subjects 143 Men, 57 Women 274 Subjects interviewed Excluded 74: No change in attraction, Change less than 5 years, Not predominantly homosexual before change effort In order to obtain 200 study subjects, which turned out to be 143 men and 57 women, we interviewed 274 potential subjects that we found, with great difficulty over a period of 16 months. 74 subjects were excluded, most commonly because there was a change in behavior and self-identity, but no change in sexual attraction, or the individual was not predominantly homosexual, or the change was less than 5 years duration. 200 Study Subjects 143 Men, 57 Women

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Referral Source Ex-Gay Ministries* 43% NARTH 23% Former therapist 9% Other 25% Our 200 subjects were primarily recruited from ExGay religious ministries that offer a variety of programs to help homosexuals who want to overcome their homosexual feelings. And from NARTH, the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, a group of mental health clinicians and lay people who by and large regard homosexuality as a treatable developmental disorder. The “Other” was largely other subjects, therapists who do sexual reorientation Rx , as well as responses to notices of the study on the radio and in newspaper advertisements. The referral source, by various means, got in contact with potential subjects who then called my office to arrange for an interview. * Exodus International, religious ministries programs

“Most Helpful or Only Type of Help” Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times “Most Helpful or Only Type of Help” Mental health professional 47% Ex-Gay/ religious support group 34% Other (mentoring, books, spiritual work) 19% About 90% of subjects reported using more than one kind of change effort. The slide presents the answer to the question, “Which was most helpful?” The mental health professional was most commonly a psychologist (23%),or pastoral counselor (12%). Rarely a psychiatrist (3%). “Other” included repeated meeting with a heterosexual role model, often referred to as “mentoring,” self help books or what some subjects called “spiritual work” – meaning changing one’s relationship with God.

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Sample Description Age (mean) 43 Currently married M=76% F=47% Married before change 20% Caucasian 95% Completed college 76% When results for males and females are very similar, the result for the total sample of 143 men and 57 women is shown. About three quarters of the men and half of the women were currently heterosexually married. About a fifth of the subjects were married before the change effort and often reported that homosexual behavior or attraction threatened their marriage. Most were Caucasian and had completed college.

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Religion Protestant 81% Catholic 8% Mormon 7% Jewish 3% Religion “extremely” or “very important” 93% Had publicly spoken in favor of efforts to change 78% Most subjects were Protestant. The vast majority said religion is “extremely” or “very” important in their lives. Many nonreligious therapists that we sought referrals from were reluctant to get in touch with former patients. This may, in part, account for the unusually high proportion of our sample that was very religious. The great majority of subjects had publicly spoken in favor of efforts to change homosexual orientation. Indeed, the primary motivation for participating in the study for almost all subjects was their interest in providing evidence, from their own experience, that homosexuality can be changed and to offer hope to others.

“Reasons for Wanting to Change” Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times “Reasons for Wanting to Change” Gay life-style not emotionally satisfying 81% Religious conflict 79% Desire to get or stay married Male 67% Female 35% Why did the subjects want to change? These were the most commonly reported answers. Gay life-style not emotionally satisfying…Usually this referred to widespread promiscuity, stormy, painful relationships, often with extreme jealousy. Religious conflict… Desire to get or be able to stay married, particularly for the men.

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times “Time Line” Age Onset of same sex arousal 12 Begin change effort 30 Begin to feel different sexually 32 End of change effort (for 78% of Subjects) 35 Here is the average time line – almost identical for men and women. There was, of course, great individual variability. The onset of sexual arousal to same sex was about 12 years. About 18 years later is the beginning of the change effort that they found helpful (often preceded by one or more change efforts that were not helpful..including, often, therapists who told them they had no choice but to accept their homosexuality). After two years into the change effort, they begin to feel different sexually. The vast majority of subjects reported this change as being gradual, and often starting with diminution of homosexual feelings and gradual emerging or intensification of heterosexual feelings. Three years later, after about five years of the change effort, it ends for 78% of the subjects. The remaining 12% report that the change effort continues up to the present time, usually referring to continuing to attend an ExGay support group or having a life-long struggle with the underlying issues that they believe caused their homosexuality.

“Markedly” or “Extremely” Bothered by Depression Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times “Markedly” or “Extremely” Bothered by Depression 47% 43% Depression has been reported to be a common side effect of attempts to change sexual orientation. This certainly was not the case for our subjects, who were often “markedly” or “extremely” depressed BEFORE, and rarely so depressed AFTER. 1% 4%

Sexual Attraction Scale “Mean” (100 = same sex, 0 = opposite sex) Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Sexual Attraction Scale “Mean” (100 = same sex, 0 = opposite sex) The next group of slides, on various indicators, contrasts BEFORE, with AFTER. First, mean sexual attraction scores for males and females. Remember, 100 is exclusively same sex, and 0 is exclusively opposite sex, BEFORE and AFTER. Both males and females, on average, BEFORE, are in the very high homosexual range. AFTER, on average, they are in the high heterosexual range, even more so for the females. Here, as in most of the remaining slides, note that the females often BEFORE are similar or less extreme on homosexual indicators, and AFTER are always more heterosexual than the males.

Change effort was “Very Helpful” in… Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research Findings APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Change effort was “Very Helpful” in… …feeling more [masculine, feminine] 87% …developing nonsexual relations with same sex 93% During the pilot study we noted the common ways that subjects reported they had been helped by the change effort. This shows how often subjects reported these ways of being helped when asked close ended questions during the study. …feeling more [masculine, feminine] …developing nonsexual relations with same sex

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times Still, he added that the number of homosexuals who could successfully become heterosexual was likely to be "pretty low."  And he conceded that the subjects in the study were "unusually religious" and were not necessarily representative of most gays and lesbians in the United States.

Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Research APA: New Orleans, May 9, 2001 New York Times For Dr. Spitzer's May 9, 2001 APA presentation "200 subjects who claimed to have changed their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual“ Full Research Presentation in its original form http://www.christianmentalhealth.com/doc/pps/Spitzer.pps Full Research Presentation in Chinese 二百個自稱已將他們的性取向從同性戀者改變成為異性戀者 http://www.christianmentalhealth.com/doc/pps/Spitzer.Chinese.pps

Caring for Homosexuals Basic Principles Double-Edged Sword: They need to be accepted in the process to get well Individual acceptance and group acceptance Walking this thin line: Excuse v. limits Non-sexual same-sex friendships: Intimacy Secure with opposite-sex peers & friends

The Ethics of Treatment Treatment for “Unwanted homosexuality” Cannot be forced or coerced Must be strongly motivated to change It takes a long time and is hard work Recovery model: Addiction model: Cyclical Recovery is not linear: Expect Relapse Minors needs parental consent Parents can suggest child to change: Can’t force

Factors affecting prognosis Treatment Issues Factors affecting prognosis Therapist/Client match Transference/Counter-transference issues Psychodynamic: “Object Relations” works Build Nonsexual male relationships Group therapy The role of father and religious support groups

Specific Treatment Areas (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000-2003) Ideational (Mindset) Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts Behavioral Reduce Masturbation & Acting-Outs Relational Increase Male Non-Sexual Friendships Spiritual (Pastoral) Increase Pursuit of Holiness-Maturity

Ideations: Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000-2003) Ideations: Reduction of Intrusive Thoughts Explain thought origin, validation not encouragement Desperate crave for intimacy and acceptance Develop insight into precursors of thoughts: HALT Re-interpret to reframe the meaning of the thoughts Neediness and affirmation needs Re-direct thoughts with more competitive thoughts Accountability partner-tell a friend Medication: SSRI’s (Selective-Serotonin-Reuptake Inhibitors) Fluoxetine:Prozac, Sertraline:Zoloft, Paroxetine:Paxil

Pastoral: Increase Pursuit of Holiness-Maturity Specific Male Treatment Issues (Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000-2003) Pastoral: Increase Pursuit of Holiness-Maturity Increase involvement in local place of worship Accountability within the family of God Acceptance: To accept and be accepted & affirmed “Will overcoming Desires” (spiritual direction) Spiritual Discipline: Process of sanctification Daily renewal of spiritual relationship Personal relationship with the Lord-Jesus-Brotherhood Place to “give-back” “re-invest” as messengers Provide hope for other struggling on the journey

What is Healing & Recovery? Presence or Absence of SSA “Orientation”? Realistic Expectations: Some Traces of SSA Memories Can’t be Completely Obliterated, But Emotions Can Reduce Significantly Degree or Intensity of SSA’s? Overwhelming vs. “In Passing” “Non-Dwelling” The Recovered vs. The Strugglers Addiction Cycles: Presence or Absence? Intrusive Thoughts Preoccupation & Obsessions Secret vs. Honesty Litmus Tests: Stressful Times, Unstructured Times

Religious Support Groups Exodus International (North-America) ExodusNorthAmerica.org ChristianMentalHealth.com National Association for Research & Therapy for Homosexuality narth.com Regeneration Books (Exodus Member) 410-661-4337 Courage (Catholic) 212-268-1010 Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays Pfox.org Evergreen International (Mormons) Evergreen-intl.org