5.14 Revising the Expository Portions of a Memoir

CONNECTION List four things that make a great story. Can you list four things that make for great writing? All year we talked about show, don’t tell. But with a memoir, we need to show AND tell.

TEACHING POINT Today I want to teach you that when writers revise the portions of their memoirs that explain their ideas, they think about how those ideas link, one to the next. They want their ideas to be easy to follow.

TEACHING A fifth grader named Ali wrote about the day she walked into the room where her father was lying in the hospital bed. She tried to tell him about her spelling test, only to find him looking blankly back at her. Standing there, Ali felt a lot of different feelings about the fact that her father wasn’t there for her. Ali was trying to write not just the story of one time, but to write a piece that conveys who she is as a person. She started with the prompt “And the thought I have about this is…” to grow some ideas about this.

TEACHING Ali inserted thoughts she generated into her story. Later, she took each of these and wrote longer about it.

TEACHING Ali didn’t just jam all her ideas into one paragraph. She asked herself “How could I categorize my thoughts?” and decided she had two main topics—the agony of waiting for her father to get better and bravery. She decided to use the idea of bravery to frame her story and to tuck the other idea about waiting into her story. Read her story and look for where she wrote tiny paragraphs about waiting.

TEACHING Version 1 Version 2

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT What did Ali do to write her piece?

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT What did Ali do to write her piece? First, she wrote a story.

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT What did Ali do to write her piece? First, she wrote a story. Then she reread her writing and used the thought prompt “This makes me think” to write a few tiny bits of ideas that could be inserted into the draft.

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT What did Ali do to write her piece? First, she wrote a story. Then she reread her writing and used the thought prompt “This makes me think” to write a few tiny bits of ideas that could be inserted into the draft. Then she made each of these ideas longer. She reread her ideas and sorted them into two main topics. She inserted those thoughts into key parts of her story so she could talk about those ideas in the intro and conclusion.

ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT What did Ali do to write her piece? First, she wrote a story. Then she reread her writing and used the thought prompt “This makes me think” to write a few tiny bits of ideas that could be inserted into the draft. Then she made each of these ideas longer. She reread her ideas and sorted them into two main topics. She inserted those thoughts into key parts of her story so she could talk about those ideas in the intro and conclusion. Finally, Ali thought about what she might say about bravery and then built off that to write more.

LINK What are your goals for your writing today? Will you try some of Ali’s work?

MIDWORKSHOP You may be asking how to raise the level of your writing. Remember to use mentor texts! See what they have done well and try to do it in your piece.

SHARE Claudia wrote her story first. This is it. After today’s lesson, she started thinking about her ideas about her narrative. She used a thought prompt…

SHARE The thought I have about this is…there are so many times in my life when I need my dad and he’s not there. Like in this story, I needed him because I was sick. I try to remember things about him when I’m feeling bad, but that sometimes just makes me feel worse. Sometimes people ask me what it’s like to live in a new country and what’s hardest about living here. They always think that learning a new language or eating different foods is what’s hard, but none of that is hard for me. What is hard is that I had to leave my dad and I haven’t seen him in three years.

SHARE Ask yourself “What am I really trying to say?” “Is there a way I can divide my ideas into a couple of categories?” Are all those categories necessary right in this part of the text?” “What might come first in my writing? Next?”