Descriptive writing Show….don’t tell

A few examples to get us thinking….. Good examples

The caramel in my mouth melted, revealing a crisp apple. Good example The caramel in my mouth melted, revealing a crisp apple.

Creative description The sound of the leaves being shaken awake in the trees by the wind is like the leaves’ alarm to wake up for a new day.

Creative description The leaves fall all around me like a shower of happiness.

Creative description I could see all the trees being stripped of their leaves as though they were taking off a coat. Most of you did a nice job describing what you saw….but when you were using your other senses you just told me. The following are some examples. Let’s figure out how we can make them better!

A few examples that we can make even better…

Poor description I drank some fresh squeezed apple juice. It tasted good. What does apple juice taste like? Describe the taste.

The smell of crisp, juicy apples cooking lures me into the house. What does it smell like? Apple crisp: Apple pie:

I hear the sound of feet on the floor I hear the sound of feet on the floor. “Stomp, stomp,” went my brother’s feet going down the steps. His shoes squeaked as he walked across the wooden kitchen floor to sit next to me at the kitchen table.

The aroma of the fresh air…. What does the fresh air smell like The aroma of the fresh air….. What does the fresh air smell like? What makes it “fresh”?

I went home to have some apple cider and hot chocolate by the roaring fire in the living room. What does apple cider taste like? What does hot chocolate taste like?

I hear little kids playing in the leaves. What does that sound like?

A little more practice…

Apple cider Tastes like… Smells like… Looks like…

Pumpkin pie Looks like…. Tastes like… Smells like…

Crunching leaves… Look like… Smell like… Sound like… Feel like…

With your partner, describe in detail the following: Thanksgiving dinner Smells like… Looks like… Tastes like…