Developing an Effective Parenting Style Chapter 5 Developing an Effective Parenting Style

Key Terms social competence parenting style authoritarian permissive democratic communication active listening open communication “you” messages “I” messages “we” messages problem ownership win/win method time-out natural consequences logical consequences self-discipline self-concept self-esteem behavioral reflections

Objective Summarize how nurturance, behavioral expectations, communication, and control impact effective parenting.

Effective Parenting Strategies Not until adulthood do children develop knowledge of society’s values and expectations social competence Parenting strategies include balancing nurturance behavioral expectations communication effective control

Nurturance Helps children develop good feelings about themselves Is primarily sensitive, loving care and attention As children age, parents gradually replace direct care with supportive care Direct and supportive care involve observing and listening to children

Behavioral Expectations Should be high, but realistic Help parents guide children to develop appropriate skills Parents need to know how a child’s development progresses so they know what to expect of children and how to communicate with them

Communication Can strengthen the family bond Impacts children’s social skills and other areas of development

Effective Control All children need and want to know what their limits are Caring parents guide and control behavior in ways that allow children to learn the social skills they will use throughout life Control methods should be firm, but not harsh

In Your Opinion What are some times of the day that parents and children might have regular routines? How can parents use these routines to communicate with their children?

Objective Distinguish among three types of parenting styles. morgueFile Credit: Scott Liddell

Impact of Parenting Styles Parents determine their parenting styles and practices according to their own values and knowledge of child development cultural background socioeconomic status own childhood relationships the child’s age, gender, and temperament

Characteristics of Authoritarian Style Parents Authoritarian characteristics: Behavioral expectations are set very high Offer little or no explanations Value obedience, high control, and punishment Have low levels of nurturance compared to other parenting styles

Characteristics of Children of Authoritarian Parents Children may not feel unconditional love Children in these families rarely make decisions on their own morgueFile Credit: Charmaine Swar

Characteristics of Permissive Style Parents Permissive characteristics: Allow children to make their own decisions Use very few limits and very little guidance or consistent discipline Low behavioral expectations, communication, and behavior control by parents

Characteristics of Children of Permissive Parents While the permissive style parents’ nurturing levels are high, the children are often insecure because they have no boundaries Children may be confused because of the inconsistent discipline

Characteristics of Democratic Style Parents Democratic characteristics: Talk openly with children Use limits, yet allow for freedom Set high behavioral standards and provide rationale to children High in nurturance, communication, and control

Characteristics of Children of Democratic Parents These children choose their own behavior and make their own decisions with guidance from parents Children are independent and develop decision-making skills

Choosing a Style That Fits A family’s parenting styles can depend on the family’s culture structure social system Parenting experts favor the democratic style

In Your Opinion Parenting has a major impact on children’s social competence. Which parenting style do you think has the best long-term outcomes for children?

Objective Analyze the influence of effective communication on parent-child relationships, including the use of active listening and verbal and nonverbal communication. morgueFile Credit: Mary Vogt

The Importance of Communication Communication includes messages sent messages received Nonverbal communication includes body movements, facial expressions, and tone of voice Verbal communication includes spoken and written words

Children Are Sensitive to Communication Verbal and nonverbal communication often occur together Nonverbal cues intensify verbal messages Children are receptive and sensitive to how their parents communicate with them

Effectively Using Nonverbal Communication The emotional content of a message is given more accurately by nonverbal communication Active listening is important for emotional understanding, sharing thoughts and feelings, and building trust morgueFile Credit: ali110

Using Open Communication Open communication helps parents and children communicate honestly “You” messages may cause conflicts and create defensiveness and resistance “I” messages allow a speaker to declare how he or she feels without attacking others “We” messages increase the togetherness and sense of cooperation in a relationship

Objective Describe how to handle the three types of problem ownership. morgueFile Credit: Mary Vogt

Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems To choose communication techniques that fit certain situations, parents have to define problem ownership The person who owns a problem is the person most concerned or upset by it continued

Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems morgueFile Picture A: Nesstor4u2 Picture B: alissondesigner Picture C: Robb continued

Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems In the win/win method, parents and children own the problem together

In Your Opinion Is communicating with young children really that important? Why or why not?

Objective Explain how parents should choose and implement consequences and punishment for misbehavior.

Implementing Control Parents can learn to effectively implement control by giving positive consequences using negative consequences implementing consequences being a positive role model

Giving Positive Consequences Reinforce the child with a positive personal message Acknowledge the benefits of following a rule over a period of time Give privileges connected to the desired behaviors

Using Negative Consequences Reduce the chances that the child will repeat undesired behaviors Teach desirable alternative behaviors

Objective Contrast punishment with natural and logical consequences for misbehavior. morgueFile Credit: Charmaine Swart

Punishment Use punishment with care Choose punishment that fits Use punishment, such as a time-out, infrequently Use natural and logical consequences

Use Natural Consequences Natural consequences show children how the misbehavior brings the consequences Example: coming home late for dinner = cold food Note: Natural consequences should not be used if the child’s health or safety is in danger

Use Logical Consequences Parents plan and explain logical consequences Example: “If you do not put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket, you will not have clean clothes.” The child changes the behavior to avoid the consequence

Implementing Consequences State the rule If the child does not comply, give an “either-or” warning Summarize the situation and repeat the warning Restate the consequence Implement the consequence and ignore any pleas from the child

Parents as Positive Role Models Parents are their children’s primary role models They imitate and identify with their parents’ language behaviors emotions values Parents must be aware of examples they set

In Your Opinion When is it most appropriate to guide children using positive consequences? When is it appropriate to use negative consequences?

Objective Describe how parents develop self-control and self-discipline in their children.

Developing Self-Control and Self-Discipline Teaching children cultural norms allows them to see what acceptable levels of self-control and self-discipline are Children must be able to separate their feelings from their actions Each child has different levels of self-discipline or self-control

Encouraging Self-Control and Self-Discipline Recognize children’s emotional state and respond appropriately Reduce negative emotions through sensitive and responsive caregiving Avoid high levels of stress with which children are not yet ready to cope Comfort children who are sad or fearful continued

Encouraging Self-Control and Self-Discipline Parents should also set realistic behavioral expectations promote positive communication enforce reasonable rules

Handling Aggression Types of aggression include accidental expressive instrumental hostile Parents must set firm limits to let children know aggression is unacceptable Avoiding physical punishment is important

In Your Opinion Do you think most children see physical punishment as a reinforcement of their aggressive behavior? Why or why not?

Objective Summarize how parents encourage healthy self-concept and self-esteem in their children.

Increasing Self-Concept and Self-Esteem If self-concept is healthy, children see themselves as they really are unhealthy, children may have unrealistic ideas about themselves Self-esteem is an evaluation of self-concept morgueFile Credit: hummingbird

Fostering Self-Concept and Self-Esteem Parents can provide nurturance set realistic behavioral expectations promote positive communication, including using behavioral reflections as their child works toward goals enforce reasonable rules

Avoiding Overindulgence Indulgent parents think any upset hurts their child’s self-esteem This may actually harm child’s self-esteem as much as overly harsh parents do

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Why Is Positive Parenting Important? It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~ Frederick Douglas The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends in large measure upon how our children grow up today. ~ Margaret Mead