Ready, Set, Recall 1. Habit 3 – Put First Things First *Time Matrix – Live North of “the line” *Big Rocks 2. Private Victory *Emotional Bank Account (EBA) – Role TRUST plays 3. Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw *The 4 Dimensions *Be Strong in the Hard Moments 4. Head/Heart/Feet ACTION Step(s)

Welcome Back Our END IN MIND for Tonight Review Week2 Introduce Public Victory Habit 4 – Think Win-Win Habit 5 – Seek 1st to Understand Habit 6 - Synergize

STARTS WITH YOU CHARACTER

Muriel Summers WORK & PLAY WITH OTHERS PERSONALITY

Seek First to Understand Connections PUBLIC Victory PRIVATE Victory Attitude Habit 1 Be Proactive Habit 4 Think Win-Win Skill Habit 2 Begin w/ the End in Mind Habit 5 Seek First to Understand Behavior Habit 3 Put 1st Things 1st Habit 6 Synergize

Habit 4 Think Win-Win

End in Mind for H4 Win-win thinking vs.… Abundance vs. Scarcity Competition vs. Cooperation When to think win-win

Buddy Up: Extreme Tic Tac Toe

WOULD YOU THINK WIN-WIN? Imagine you are playing in a college softball game… the game is on the line. The other team hits a homerun… but as the runner is rounding first base, she doesn’t touch the bag. As she tries to go back, she severely injures her knee and is lying on the ground in extreme pain. Her teammates cannot touch her or they forfeit the homerun and likely the win. What would you do if you were the opposing team? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZpYYSxYvEg

Habit 4—Principle Paradigm There is plenty for everyone Paradigm Shared recognition Seek mutual benefit We stop hoarding Win-win agreements Effective, long-term relationships require mutual respect and mutual benefit. Generosity Win-win systems Gratitude Share Collectivity Relationships Open the doors Optimizers Result Behavior 4 89 Habit Think Win-Win

Effective: There is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare. Ineffective: There is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is for me. SCARCITY MENTALITY Effective: There is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare. ABUNDANCE MENTALITY 4 89 Habit Think Win-Win

Abundance vs. Scarcity Mentality Opportunities are endless More than enough for everyone Happy for successes of others Treat everyone with respect Share recognition & credit Inner sense of personal security/worth Scarcity Opportunities are few and far between There is only so much Threatened by successes of others Treat people with varying degrees of respect Difficulty sharing recognition and credit Self-worth comes from being compared and competition

6 Paradigms of human interaction p. 90-91 Win-Win Win-Lose Lose-Win Lose-Lose Win Win-Win or NO DEAL 4 from Scarcity & 2 from Abundance

Movie Scene – Show US … TELL 6 groups Review the paradigm assigned to your group Think of a scene in a movie that illustrates your paradigm related to winning or your own scenario Be prepared to: 1) Name the movie or just act out own scene 2) Explain the scene (act it out if you are daring) 3) How it ties to your paradigm of winning (or losing)

Private Victory BEFORE Abundance or Scarcity? Complete inventory on p. 92 (both from a personal & professional standpoint) Private Victory BEFORE Public Victory

When to Think Win/Win Win-Win Conflict Relationships High Stakes p. 93

How to think Win-win in Competitive Situations

4 Actions of Win-Win Thinkers Balance courage and consideration Seek mutual benefit Create win-win agreements Build win-win systems

Courage and Consideration Willingness AND ability to speak thoughts and feelings CONSIDERATION Willingness AND ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect

Personal and professional relationship 1. The Courage-and-Consideration Grid p. 94 High Courage Low Consideration High Courage High Consideration Win-Lose Win-Win Low Courage Low Consideration Low Courage High Consideration Lose-Lose Lose-Win Top right box – you want to understand Personal and professional relationship 4 94 Habit Think Win-Win

The Sharing Experiment Kids get it – DO YOU? The Sharing Experiment

Personal relationship 2. Seek Mutual Benefit p. 95 Melissa & Chris Co-parenting communications Be proactive- have a plan Communication with me, school, kids Safety/assurance kids Appreciation for what I do as a stepmom Acknowledge school busy-ness Thoughtful decisions Safety/assurance kids Feel like he is in charge Efficient communication with ex Personal relationship 4 95 Habit Think Win-Win

Which column easier to fill? Consider… Seek Mutual Benefit Which column easier to fill? Consider… If you know the other person’s wins better than your own- game up courage If you know your wins best, game up on consideration

Win-Win Agreements Works best for Ground rules Clarifying expectations Increasing empowerment Delegating responsibilities Align conflicting priorities ALL kinds of relationships Ground rules Desired results Guidelines Resources Accountability Consequences

Green & Clean Video Clip WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED p. 96 Desired Results green and clean Guidelines neighbor’s lawn Resources buckets, hoses, dad Accountability twice week with dad Consequences allowance Desired Results Guidelines Resources Accountability Consequences Green & Clean Video Clip 4:50 4 96 Habit Think Win-Win

WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED Build WIN-WIN Systems For win-win to work inside a team or an organization of any type, the systems need to support it. Training, planning, communication, budgeting, information, compensation systems – all of these have to be based on the principle of win-win. 4 96 Habit Think Win-Win

WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED Build WIN-WIN Systems What is one action you could take inside your Circle of Influence to improve “the system?” 4 96 Habit Think Win-Win

Complete p. 100-101 with your table mates It’s a WIN-WIN!  Teach to Learn Complete p. 100-101 with your table mates It’s a WIN-WIN! 

Habit 5 Seek first to understand, then be understood

Video 3:05 Decide if time ….

Listening- Activity – Three little pigs

Diagnose before prescribing Empathic listening Habit 5- End in Mind: Perception vs. reality Mutual understanding Diagnose before prescribing Empathic listening

Habit 5- Seek First to..... Understand

LISTENING is So IMPORTANT… Just ask the German Coast Guard Trainee

Attitude & Skill In habit 4 - attitude required for the Public Victory. Habit 5 - skill required to achieve the Public Victory. 2 parts: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.

INEFFECTIVE- Listen with the intent of people understanding my point Actions Intent to reply Confront, defend, offend Don’t speak up at all EFFECTIVE- I have greater influence if I truly understand them first Empathic listening Respectfully seek to understand

To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me. Habit 5—Principle Listen with the intent to understand Paradigm To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me. Behavior *Influence *Solutions *Clarity *Problem solving *Diagnose Before Prescribe *Listen empathically *Seek to be understood Result Effective communication takes place only in an environment of trust. The more people understand one another, the more they trust one another. 5 107 Habit Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Empathic – WANT to UNDERSTAND Attentive – Consciously CHOOSE to listen Levels of Listening Empathic – WANT to UNDERSTAND Attentive – Consciously CHOOSE to listen Selective Pretending Ignore

Barriers to Listening: Our paradigms are correct and universal Fix each others’ paradigms. We respond without understanding It’s Not About the Nail

Barriers to Effective Listening 1. Preoccupied with my own issue 2. Uninterested in the other person or issue 3. Dislike for the other person 4. Assumption that I get the picture 5. Thinking faster than the other to be able to respond with, my own story, solution 6. Bored 7. Detached - not my problem! Complete p. 108

Autobiographical responses: (pg 109) What we tend to do: Autobiographical responses: (pg 109) Advising: Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. Probing: Asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda. Interpreting: Explaining another’s motives and behavior based on our own experience; trying to figure people out. Evaluating: Judging, and either agreeing or disagreeing.

At your table… P. 109 Identify phrases for each of the autobiographical responses Advise- “Well, you had better…” Probe- “When? Who? Why?” Interpret- “You didn’t really like that person anyway” Evaluate- “That’s terrible… they shouldn’t have…” APIE- Consider when these are used inappropriately, it is like A PIE in the face

really listen to another person from their point of view, Psychological Air When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it is like giving them emotional oxygen. ~Dr. Stephen Covey

Empathic Listening Video 5 110 Video: 4:34 *FOBFO *Speaker/Listener Technique 5 110 Habit Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Empathic Listening What was the intent of the listener? How could you tell? How might this have turned out differently? Tendency- Solutions If we use autobiography when empathic listening is needed, we make an emotional withdrawal. May just miss the real issue

Empathetic Listening P. 110 Empathic Listening is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words. It is not listening to advise, counsel, reply, refute, solve, fix, change, judge, agree, disagree, question, analyze, or figure out.

Chinese Symbol for Listening Ears Eyes Heart “To Listen With a Virtuous Heart” Level 5 Listening 5 110 Habit Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Reading the signs pg. 111 7% 38% 55%

Thinking vs. saying… Partners 1/2 2. Sad – “I just won the lottery!” 1. Disappointment – “I feel fantastic today!” 2. Sad – “I just won the lottery!” 1. Surprised – “My name is ….” 2. Happy – “I just locked my keys in my car.” Our REAL THOUGHTS are MORE POWERFUL to others than we realize and are MORE VISIBLE to others than we think!

Body Language is Powerful What’s more powerful? 1. Hold Arm Out 2. Make An OK Sign 3. Put It On Your Chin We all followed what I did instead of what I said. Actions Speak Louder Than Words Body Language is Powerful But show cheek

BODY LANGUAGE QUIZ + or - Raising an eyebrow Smiling Nodding your head Remaining silent while someone is talking Keeping your back turned to the other person Making eye contact Looking at your watch

Positivity is powerful Yes, But…. VS. Yes, And… TRY IT! “Let’s plan a vacation!”

The way we say it & signals Repeat these statements. Notice the emphasized words in italics. I didn’t say you had an attitude problem I didn’t say you had an attitude problem I didn’t say you had an attitude problem Other signals and what they may mean: Folded arms- defensive Raised voice- anger Silence- resentment Pauses-lack of confidence

Watch the Signals p. 111 Stop and listen empathically. Slow down. Watch and be ready to listen empathically. Go forward and seek to be understood. 111 5 Habit Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

But… How? Pg.112 Be curious. Be caring. Be aware of your own emotions. Ask- “Help me understand” “Tell me more about that.”“What are you doing?”

Partner PRACTICE Partner 1 Pick a tough or frustrating issue -There is no way we can meet that deadline! -I can’t believe you bought that. We never agreed on that. -I’m tired of cleaning up after you. Partner 2- Empathic listening (reflect what speaker says and feels) “You feel _________ about _________.” SWITCH ROLES

What is one thing you will commit to related to Habit 5? Partner… What is one thing you will commit to related to Habit 5?

The Power of Empathic Listening

Complete p. 116-117 with your table mates Teach to Learn Complete p. 116-117 with your table mates

Habit 6 Synergize

What synergy is and is not Examples of synergy Experience synergy End in Mind for H6 What synergy is and is not Examples of synergy Experience synergy

Can you name… 1. By yourself, list as many body parts as you can …. That have 3 letters! 2. Now in a small group, combine your lists and add more

Habit of Creative Cooperation Habit 6: Synergize Habit of Creative Cooperation 6 122 Habit Synergize

Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise. Think lose-win or win-lose Give up Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way. Seek new possibilities Interdependence Habit 6—Paradigms 6 123 Habit Synergize

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Habit 6—Principle Paradigm Big picture Common end in mind Vision of We The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Value differences Shared success Strengths-based Shared leadership Consideration/Courage Result Behavior 6 123 Habit Synergize

Value and Celebrate differences Complete individually p.124 Professional Example Partner up 5 Levels: 1: Celebrate 2: Value 3: Acceptance 4: Tolerance 5: Ignore Doubt we have time to do

The Nature of Synergy Video xQ Tells You… The Nature of Synergy Video 6 124 Habit Synergize

WHAT SYNERGY IS AND IS NOT Results-oriented, positive energy Examining, exploring, and seeking different perspective openly enough to alter or complete your paradigm Win-win cooperation Mutually- agreed upon end in mind Worth the effort Highly effective Disciplined process Synergy is not: A brainstorming free-for-all that leads nowhere Accepting others’ ideas as full truth Win-lose competition Groupthink (giving in to peer pressure) Always easy Just a negotiation technique p. 125

Keep in mind: Compromise is a low form of win-win! Types of Interaction p.125 Keep in mind: Compromise is a low form of win-win! Nothing new created and both parties settle! 6 125 Habit Synergize

Getting to Synergy p.126 Roundabout p. 126 6 Habit Synergize

to search for a solution what either of us has in mind?” Step 1: Check Willingness The Grand Synergy Question . Check Willingness “Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of us has in mind?” 6 127 Habit Synergize

What are Barriers to Synergy? #1LACK TRUST Lone cowboy Lack openness to differences Limited perspective Tradition Desire to be right Misunderstandings Lack shared vision Time Resources Ego Check Willingness! p. 127

“Would you agree to a simple ground rule: Step 2: Reflect Viewpoints 2. Reflect Viewpoints “Would you agree to a simple ground rule: I can’t make my point until I restate yours to your satisfaction; you can’t make your point until you restate mine to my satisfaction?” Talking Stick Speaker/Listener Complete p. 128 6 128 Habit Synergize

3. Create New Ideas Step 3: Create NEW Ideas SYNERGY Once you’ve achieved mutual understanding, propose and refine alternatives. Keep refining and creating until you reach a Third Alternative. 6 129 Habit Synergize

You’ve created a Third Alternative when you both: Have a change of heart. Feel new energy and excitement. See things in a new way. Feel the relationship has transformed. End up with an idea that is better than what either of you started with. How Do You Know? 6 129 Habit Synergize

Complete p. 132-133 with your table mates Teach to Learn Complete p. 132-133 with your table mates

Seek First to Understand Connections Attitude Habit 1 Be Proactive Habit 4 Think Win-Win Skill Habit 2 Begin w/ the End in Mind Habit 5 Seek First to Understand Behavior Habit 3 Put 1st Things 1st Habit 6 Synergize

WHY YOUR HABITS MATTER YOU are the core! ME – WE – US! 1 Foundation

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know, it’s ME!