Universal Peace Federation Promoting a Marriage-Friendly Culture Advocating for the “School of Love” UPF Marriage and Family Series

Promoting a Marriage-Friendly Culture International Leadership Conferences Universal Peace Federation

Love Is a Life-Long Journey Together The family is a ‘school of love’ for all its members. We are life-long learners. The family is a ‘school of love’ for all its members Do we ever graduate? Even as teachers, we are still learners.

What Are We Doing Well? Questions for the audience: What are we as a community and nation doing to: Encourage couples to marry? Create an environment where marriages thrive? Ask participants for their comments about the things are their community and/or nation is doing well. Post a large sheet of paper and write down the key points.

Teach Relationship Skills at School Schools prepare people for jobs. They can also teach relationship skills. School systems seek to prepare young people for jobs, keeping a job often depends on how well the employee can handle relationships with others. Relationship education could help give young people the tools to do better at work and also in marriage and parenting. For an example of relationship education programs in schools, see www.dibbleinstitute.org

Offer Marriage Preparation and Enrichment By religious organizations At community resource centers At community health centers, perhaps along with parenting education Marriage preparation and enrichment can be offered in a variety of settings. Some communities offer a discount on the marriage licensing fee if the couple brings proof that they have completed a marriage preparation program.

Identify areas of compatibility Marriage Preparation Identify areas of compatibility Identify potential areas of conflict: finances, roles and responsibilities, child-rearing, in- laws Teach strategies that help marriages succeed. Preventive education is cheaper than picking up the pieces afterwards Pre-marital counselling can help - identify compatibility identify potential issues: finances, roles around home, child rearing beliefs), etc. About 10% of couples that go through pre-marriage counseling realize their values and visions of family life are so different that it would be better if they didn’t marry. Preventive education is cheaper than picking up the pieces.

Marriage Enrichment Since marital relationships typically go up and down, communities could set up relationship centers to provide Marriage enrichment Mentoring Parenting education Couples counseling For examples of what marriage educators do and the types of training available, see: http://smartmarriages.com/training.html

Match Newlyweds with Mentor Couples Older relatives can encourage and mentor young couples Religious organizations or community centers can recruit mentor couples and arrange matches for perhaps the first year of marriage. Newly-wed couples can benefit greatly from practical advice and encouragement by older couples, either from their parents or extended family or from a couple paired up with them for a set period of time, perhaps a year.

Celebrate Marriage Milestones Hold ceremonies honoring couples who have reached significant milestones. For example, 25 years 50 years How are marriage milestones celebrated in your area? Examples: - The extended family may come together for a celebration. Newspapers may publish photos. An organization may hold a public recognition.

Offer Support to Struggling Couples Help dealing with unemployment, disability, or long-term illness Mediation Address problems of addiction and abuse Situations such as unemployment, disability, and long-term illness can cause great stress to a marriage. The extended family and neighbors can be of great help. Are there other resources that are available or could be available? Couples with a trouble relationship can sometimes be helped by mediaton. Trained mediators can provide a great service. When a husband or wife is violent, abusive, drinks too much, or abuses drugs the marriage suffers. Community agencies can offer expert help.

Encourage Marriage through Public Policy Create legal systems and tax policies that favor couples who marry and stay married. Does the tax and social system encourage couples to marry and stay married? Some systems make it easier for couples to live together without marrying.

Conclusion Invite participants’ comments about the impact on a community or nation when the citizens have happy, thriving marriages.

To Think About What can you as a Parent or grandparent Neighbor Educator Religious leader NGO activist Journalist Health professional Jurist Government official Etc. ... do to promote a marriage culture? Allow some silence for participants to reflect.

How Can We Do Better? Form discussion groups to explore what more can be done to encourage couples to marry and create an environment where marriages thrive. Suggestion: organize groups around professions or interest areas. For example: Schools Community groups Religious organizations Media Government Ask participants to look at the paper used at the beginning of the presentation to list what is being done well in the community and/or nation to support couples getting married and thriving in their marriage. Ask for comments about the major gaps and list them on the same paper or another sheet of paper. Organize discussion groups based on the greatest number of responses or areas of greatest concern. Assign groups to different parts of the room or building. Ask each group to choose a rapporteur to take notes and report back to the entire group. Visit each group to get a sense of how the discussions are proceeding. Set a time for groups to re-convene and listen to reports. Post large sheets of paper and make notes as the rapporteurs speak.

Form Task Forces Invite volunteers to be part of task forces to implement recommendation. Assign responsibilities. Set a date for task forces to report back to the group. Invite further comments and responses. If there is significant interest in proceeding in one or more areas, invite people to form a task force. Assign responsibilities and set a date for a future meeting in which the task force(s) will report back. Attend task force meetings. Provide encouragement, logistic support, and help with trouble-shooting as needed.