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Chapter 14 Developing and Maintaining Relationships: From Formation to Dissolution Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Interpersonal Communication Competence Five skills leading to interpersonal competence are: The ability to adapt and know how to communicate in specific situations. The ability to adapt and appropriately communicate in specific interactions. The ability to understand your and the other person’s values, beliefs, attitudes, or feelings. The ability to self-monitor. The ability to be fair and ethical. Photo from chapter 10, 2 Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Relationship Formation Interpersonal Attraction—the desire to interact with someone. Physical Attributes Observations from first impressions Stereotypes and appearance Communication and Attraction Fear of rejection by those who are more attractive Similarity in attraction Chemistry or Physical Attraction Physical attraction is important Chemistry (attraction at first sight) Meeting online Women are more likely to form online relationships The depth and personal aspects of the relationship add to the possibility of moving beyond the computer Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Knapp & Vangelisti: Stages of Coming Together and Coming Apart Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2008

Relationships: Initiation or Coming Together Initiating : meet and interact for the first time Experimenting : discover common ground Intensifying : increase self-disclosure Integrating : establish deep commitment Bonding : announce commitment publicly Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: Coming Apart Terminating : end the relationship Avoiding : create distance Stagnating : avoid communication Circumscribing : reduce communication Differentiating : focus on differences Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Relationship Maintenance Strategies Positivity Openness Assurances Blending Social Networks Sharing Tasks © Yuri Arcurs/Fotolia

Relationship Dissolution Signs That Relationships Are in Trouble Aggressive behavior Aiming to hurt the other party Lies Deceives another by not telling the truth Betrayal Extramarital affairs, gossip, and harmful criticism Deception and betrayal are similar. The difference is that betrayal violates a confidence and an agreed on expectation. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Relational Repair Strategies Open/honest communication Bring out/focus on positive side Evaluate rewards/costs Seek support Reinterpret other’s behavior Reduce negativity

Duck’s Phases of Dissolution The Intrapsychic Phase Internally assess their classification of their relationship The Dyadic Phase Discuss the status of their relationship The Social Phase Relationship difficulties become more public within the context of family, friends, coworkers, etc. The Grave-Dressing Phase Final phase because after the breakup, each partner gives an account of why the relationship ended. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Interpersonal Conflict According to Wilmot and Hocker, conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals. Faulty communication can lead to conflict. Faulty attribution errors can lead to conflict. Faulty perceptions and a tendency to perceive our own views as objective and reflective of reality, but others as not based in reality, can lead to conflict. Personality traits or characteristics can lead to conflict. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Both Sides of Conflict Destructive Beneficial Winner vs. loser Too aggressive behaviors, withdrawal, withholding feelings Prevents work or feeling good about ourselves Forces us to do things we do not want to do Outcome more important than the relationship Form of bullying Bring out problems that need solving Bring people together to clarify goals and explore new ideas Eliminate resentments and help in understanding Bring out creativity Produce acceptable solutions Pay attention to other points of view Bring new life into a relationship Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Managing Relational Tensions Denial- denying the problem exists. Selection- accommodating one party. Segmentation- choosing certain areas to be open for discussion. Reframing- redefining tension in order to make it less obvious; make it disappear. Moderation- compromising; deals are struck in order to reduce tension. Reaffirmation- accepting that tension will always be present and embracing it.

Strategies for Conflict Management or Resolution in Relationships Withdrawing: lose/lose Accommodating: win/lose Forcing: win/lose Negotiating: lose/lose Collaboration: win/win Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Communication Competence Address issues clearly Treat others with respect Know that praise will most likely produce desired responses Competent Communicators Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gGXylVz6KI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdPb6lKzSY8