Dr Seán Ruth www.seanruth.com Relationships at Work Dr Seán Ruth www.seanruth.com

Collaborative Leadership Building close relationships Thinking together Listening and sharing Supporting each other around struggles Developing each person’s individual leadership Encouraging each person to take initiative © Seán Ruth

Leadership Principle All effective leadership rests on building solid one-to-one relationships with people © Seán Ruth

Two Major Blocks Isolation Lack of safety Among other things, isolation includes social exclusion, having no one to share with, lack of support, getting no help. .Radio producer example – going for lunch without her. .Moving school principal’s chair in staffroom. .Unlocking 46 doors. Hostility includes hostile criticism, gossip, resistance and undermining. .Hospital example. “Yer one will want to say something first”. .“I felt I was hearing nothing but criticism ... It’s true that I did make mistakes but why isn’t there something positive being acknowledged” .“When you came in in the morning, they would take you apart straight away. So, you didn’t have a chance. ... You never seemed to be ready for the attack when it came. You were always caught off guard” .“So that every time any minor thing went wrong, he would send abusive emails or he would ring me and scream at me or he would just be quite nasty generally” .“For sheer ignorant boorishness in dealing with people, you excel by a distance the former title-holder of that office” .Bypassing © Seán Ruth

Building Relationships Keep close contact Listen Encourage, appreciate, praise Catch people doing things right Don’t use criticism or blame Put the effort in when times are good © Seán Ruth

Rule of Thumb Whenever you see someone behave rigidly, inflexibly or inappropriately, almost invariably you are dealing with someone who, at that point, is under stress or is in the grip of some painful or negative feelings © Seán Ruth

Effects of Stress Thinking shuts down Judgement gets distorted Rigid, unthinking, automatic reaction © Seán Ruth

Attacks Correcting a mistake Getting attention Acting out accumulated hurt © Seán Ruth © Seán Ruth

Options Avoid it Pretend not to notice Do not discuss it Interrupt it Show the hurt Structure it out Go after the person in between attacks © Seán Ruth © Seán Ruth

Meetings Give people equal time to talk No one speak twice until everyone has spoken at least once Focus on listening and understanding Hold discussion till all have spoken Simple questions - positive & negative Talk from personal point of view Confidentiality © Seán Ruth

Change and Relationships It is possible to prepare for the future without knowing what it will be. The primary way to prepare for the unknown is to attend to the quality of our relationships, to how well we know and trust one another … Nothing else works, no new tools or technical applications, no redesigned organisational chart. The solution is each other. If we can rely on one another, we can cope with almost anything. Margaret Wheatley © Seán Ruth