Saying “No” Julie Childers, MD

Why is it Important to be Able to Say “No”?

“If you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.” --Greg McKeown

Objectives Understand the importance of being able to say “No” Decide on a few core priorities that are our ‘Yes’ Develop a plan for one or two things we want to say ‘No’ to Assert your “No” without rejecting

When We Can’t Say “No” We think: “I have to” “It’s all important” “How can I fit it all in?”

When We Can’t Say “No” We react to what’s most pressing We take on too much Work suffers We feel out of control We are overwhelmed and exhausted

Saying “No” When How

“The biggest obstacle to saying ‘No’ successfully is not the other – it is ourselves.” The Power of a Positive No, p. 28

Saying “No” When How

When We Can Say “No” We think: “I choose to” “Only certain things really matter” “What are the trade-offs?”

When we can say “no” We pause to discern our priorities We choose carefully in order to do great work We feel in control We get the right things done We live a life that really matters

Exercise Look back over the last year or two Identify something that you said “yes” to that you wish you had said “no” to Make two columns Reasons I said “yes” Reasons I should have said “no” It can be something in their personal life if they don’t have anything in their professional life. Have people share these reasons they said “yes” and reasons they should have said “no”

My example Reasons I said “yes” Reasons I should have said “no” Flattered to be asked Chance to network Enhancing my visibility outside of the institution Learning Money Project only tangentially related to my core interests Travel

From senior faculty “Do I have the time?” “Do I like the people?” Changes over the course of career Earlier: “Will it enhance my visibility?” “Will it serve a need?” Later: “Is it my passion?” “Who do I want to work with?”

Uncovering Your Yes Two questions: 1. What is important to you in your professional life? What (or who) is important to you in your personal life? From each list, circle 1-3 things that are most important

Uncovering Your Yes List as many of your current commitments as you can think of right now Clinical roles Administrative responsibilities Projects Family commitments

Exercise In partners Each person name those commitments that do not fit into their short list Choose one that you will commit to saying “no” to within the next three to six months

Saying “No” When How

Example Dear Dr. Childers, We would like to invite you to present a guest lecture at our monthly XX Grand Rounds Series on X date, 2018. XX Grand Rounds is a monthly lecture series sponsored by the XX Department at the University of Pittsburgh. In attendance are department residents as well as faculty and researchers from across Pitt's campus. The lectures occur on the third Wednesday of the month from 7am-8am. Would you be available to present on this day? Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you!

When offered an opportunity Take a time out “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you tomorrow” “I need to consult my partner, check my schedule, etc

When Offered an Opportunity Notice your emotions Guilt, feeling flattered Take a deep breath Uncover your interests: What Yes lies behind your “no”? Validate that “yes” What is your “no” based on? Specific to timing, or global

Assert without Rejecting: Yes, No, Yes Express your “yes” “Thank you for thinking of me” “This is an important project but…” “I’d love to but…” “I wish I could…”

Assert your “No” Yes, No, Yes You do not need to give reasons “For family reasons I am not taking on additional commitments at this time” “That doesn’t work for me” “That is not in my area of expertise” “I’d love to but I’m already overcommitted” “I wish I could.” “I’m going to have to say “no” for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.

Assert without Rejecting: Yes, No, Yes How can you offer to help without negating your “no”? Conditions under which you could say “yes” Suggest someone else Conditional offer (another time) Keep calm – notice your emotions and give a pause to think about priorities and discuss Say “no” directly without excuses