Importance of Holding Crucial Conversations TOC Annual Institute

Presenter John Cleveland – Management Analyst HR Strategy Group, Office of Personnel Management

What is a Crucial Conversation? Importance Practice the Skills Overview What is a Crucial Conversation? Importance Practice the Skills Prioritize the Issue Speak Persuasively Wrap Up

How did you get your way as a child? Group Activity How did you get your way as a child?

When People Don’t Feel Safe They do not engage in dialogue Frequently retreat to the patterns of behavior that help them feel “safe” - Withhold meaning - Compel others to only hear your meaning and not allowing anyone else to share theirs

3 Elements of a Crucial Conversation STRONG EMOTIONS OPPOSING OPINIONS Here you see the different elements that are necessary for a conversation to be considered “Crucial” A few examples Struggling Spouse – issues aren’t getting resolved and they are in Marital Counseling but it just isn’t working Called in to as arbitrator between a supervisor and their employee who have a very broken relationship and are now as far apart as they can get A very quiet & shy woman who was about 6 months before she reached her MRA & her friend congratulated her on her impending retirement…when asked why her friend said, that her position was just posted An organization with a very poor culture & engagement as evidenced by low EVS scores -- where everyone has been walking on egg shells and atmosphere is just a notch or two below actively hostility HIGH STAKES

Crucial Conversations - Goal

Costs are Incredibly High! Each conversation not handled well costs an average of $7,500 in time and resources Strained relationships between supervisors and their employees Projects experience delayed timeframes and higher costs Individual and team morale suffer Culture is negatively impacted Low levels of engagement

Crucial Conversations The Other Side Provides tools to actively engage and encourage someone who is apprehensive and/or unwilling to share their facts, opinions, or story

What happens when everyone actively engages in dialogue? Better decisions can be made because everyone has shared their information Relationships improve Engagement and morale go up Culture is improved Resolutions… Poor Culture – months later in a follow up, contact shared there has been a shift—lowered tension, less hostility—not solved but moving in the right direction Arbitrator – using the skills, within 2 hours our arbitrator facilitated an AMICABLE solution Nearly Retired – gained the confidence to begin the conversation with her supervisor where she shared it would be at least 3 years before she could retire Struggling Spouse – feels like she finally has the tools to have the conversations that just might save her marriage

Let’s Dive in Prioritize the Issue Speak Persuasively

Identify & Prioritize the Issue – Unbundle with CPR When facing a complex problem—break it into its various parts decide what to address Content: a single instance of a problem. If either the action itself or its immediate consequences is the issue Pattern: a recurring problem—a pattern of behavior over time Relationship: how the problem is affecting your working relationship—e.g., trust is suffering or competence is in question IMPORTANT NOTE: What is the easiest to address? So what makes P & R harder? If you address a P or R issue as a Content, the likelihood of getting the result you want is VERY LOW & you WILL have the convo again

Group Activity - CPR You are a project manager. The Respondent is a department manager you work with and is not your supervisor. You used to be able to count on his team to deliver, but that has changed in the last few months. This year it has become common for your team to miss deadlines because the Respondent’s department doesn't get you their part on time. This morning you were blindsided in a meeting when the Respondent admitted that his team hasn't finished a deliverable you need today. You are starting to think you can’t depend on the Respondent. You are tempted to work around him. What you really want is a warning. You can deal with missed deadlines if you know about them in advance. What are the issues? What do you want to address?

Exercise Identify an issue (personal or professional) comfortable sharing with partner Prioritize the issue you want to address Content Pattern Relationship Will use this later

Speak Persuasively with STATE What you say… Share your Facts Tell your Story - Why it is important to you Ask for their Path – What is their side/input How you say it… Talk Tentatively Encourage Testing / Differing viewpoints

Facts are facts In an emotionally charged conversation – they are the LEAST insulting

Talk Tentatively / Encourage Testing

Degrees of Tentativeness Too Forceful More Tentative The fact of the matter is That’s a dumb idea The only reasonable option is to… If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong In my opinion Maybe it would make more sense to… I believe that what we should do is I’m wondering if that example applies to our organization

Encourage Testing Goal is for the other person to feel safe sharing their side/provide information that may contradict yours

Putting it together with CPR

Content – Single Instance / Generally Simple Gaps in Expectations When dealing with content issues, stick with the facts: Describe what you expected versus what you observed.

STATE the Facts Content - Example Expected: I want every customer update to include performance data and analysis, so they can see the impact we’re having. Observed: The presentation you gave this morning didn’t include any data or analysis.

Pattern or Relations – Multiple instances and/or Complex issues When dealing with Pattern and/or Relationship issues, you'll want to share your side/perspective to describe impact and importance.

STATE the Facts Pattern / Relationship - Example Expected: We’ve discussed how every customer updates needs to include performance data and analysis, so they can see the impact we’re having. Observed: I reviewed the presentations you’ve prepared this quarter. Several didn’t include any performance data. When I did see data, the analysis was very basic, just means and t-tests. Story: I want to talk to you about your skills with data and data analytics. Question: Tell me your perspective.

Exercise Apply STATE Skills to the issue you selected Practice with your partner Share your Facts Identify pertinent facts about situation (2-3 facts) Tell your Story Why is it important to you (1-2 sentences) Ask for the other person’s side/input (ONE question) Talk confidently & with curiosity

Identifying a Crucial Conversation Importance & Cost Skills Wrap Up Identifying a Crucial Conversation Importance & Cost Skills CPR – Prioritize the Issue STATE – Talking Persuasively

So the Question Becomes… What could you accomplish when employees engage in meaningful dialogue about high stakes issues where opinions differ and emotions are running strong?

Thank You! Contact Info: John Cleveland John.Cleveland@opm.gov (202) 384-5694