Showing vs. Telling “Don’t just say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.” ~ Mark Twain

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I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with my ruler I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with my ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right. -“Eleven” by Sandra Cisneros What do Rachel’s actions tell us about her feelings towards the sweater?

Why didn’t Sandra Cisneros just say Rachel hated the sweater?

Show, Don’t Tell Writers who show, rather than tell, in their writing, do a better job of keeping their readers’ attention. Showing is more descriptive and helps a reader visualize what is going on.

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So…how do I SHOW? Avoid using Linking Verbs – they weaken your writing DO use 500 Horsepower Verbs – they strengthen your writing DO use Sensory Details to help create “word pictures” in the reader’s head

am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been linking verbs - link the subject to a word in the predicate. The most common linking verbs are the forms of be. am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been

Linking verbs TELL- they don’t show- so stay away from them in your writing. am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been appears, seems, tastes, smells, feels, sounds

SENSORY DETAILS Words that appeal to your 5 senses (sight, taste, touch, hearing, smell) To create vivid descriptions and “word pictures”

What kind of examples of sensory details are these? As salty as a potato chip. Thick, not-too-sweet chocolate, with a hint of orange. The bitterness of getting her mouth washed out with soap.

What kind of examples of sensory details are these? The bright green leaf glistened in the sunlight. The Chardon Hilltoppers dotted the hallways with their red and black jerseys.

What kind of examples of sensory details are these? She stroked the cool, smooth cover of her new Iphone. The lotion gave her baby-soft skin. He was tied tightly to the oak,and the rough bark scratched his back. It was as soft as rabbit’s fur. The biscuit was as hard as a rock.

What kind of examples of sensory details are these? As stinky as a dirty diaper. He reminded her of her grandfather, a scent of peppermint and tobacco.

What kind of examples of sensory details are these? The birds sang sweetly. The tinkling of broken glass She shrieked with joy.

SHOW don’t tell: Suddenly, a sound came from the basement. Suddenly, an ear-piercing shriek from the basement shattered the silence.

Tell: It was a hot day. Show: As Alicia stepped into the white hot light of noon, she felt her black hair attract the sun’s rays and begin to fry her head.

Tell: Charlie looked sad. Show: Charlie's rear end sagged and his head drooped so low his ears dragged on the ground.

Tell: Mrs. Parker was nosy. She gossiped about her neighbors. Show: Turning the blinds ever so slightly, Mrs. Parker could just peek through the window and see the Ford Explorer parked in the driveway. She squinted her eyes so she could get a better view of the tall, muscular man getting out of the vehicle and walking up to Mrs. Jones' front door. He rang the doorbell. When Mrs. Jones opened the door and welcomed the stranger into her home with a hug, Mrs. Parker gasped and ran to her phone.

Tell: He is angry. Show: Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from his mouth, "I want to talk to you after class." The final hiss in his voice warned me about his feelings.

Tell: The passengers on the plane looked sleepy as they gathered their luggage. Show: As the pilot announced the end of their six-hour flight, the passengers yawned and rubbed their eyes while stuffing stray personal items into carry-on bags.

Tell: The house seemed deserted. Show: A floorboard creaked under my foot as I stepped over the threshold. Not even a curtain stirred at he open window as my eyes swept the room, and the ticking clock over the mantel echoed in the stillness.

Tell: His uniform was uncomfortable. (about a soldier) Show: His stock had rubbed permanent rawness under his chin, his shoulders were welted by the weight of his haversack, his feet slid inside boots misshapen into leather lumps, his gun was so heavy it had dug a groove in his palm and he'd been half-minded to throw it into the trees.

Tell: The morning was beautiful. Show: Behind the mountains, the sun peaked brightly, ready to start a new day. The blue sky remained silent yet showed signs of sadness. The wind whispered through the trees as the cheerful sun rose. The birds sang gently by my window as if they wanted to wake me up.

Tell: The pizza was delicious. Show: Steam rising up off the melted cheese made my mouth water. The first bite, my teeth sinking into the cheese through the tomato sauce and into the moist crust, made me chew and swallow rapidly. Even the cheese and tomato sauce, sticking to my fingertips, begged to be licked.

Directions: Change this from a tell to a show Directions: Change this from a tell to a show. Write your new sentences on your opposite DTAP page. Show: Julie is nervous about her upcoming math test. Tell: Julie paced back and forth in the hallway before she entered the classroom. She finally slid into her seat and chewed on her nails as she anxiously watched Mr. Smith pass out the tests.

Show don’t tell Remember: Avoid Linking Verbs and use Sensory Details: The cave was dark. A shadowy gloom settled in the pitch-black cave. LINKING VERB

The stench of the curdled milk turned his stomach. SHOW don’t tell: The milk smelled bad. The stench of the curdled milk turned his stomach. LINKING VERB

SHOW don’t tell: The cake tasted good. He savored each morsel of the rich chocolaty cake. LINKING VERB

I snuggled up in the cozy satin blanket. SHOW don’t tell: The blanket is soft. I snuggled up in the cozy satin blanket. LINKING VERB

Turn these weak sentences into strong descriptive sentences. It was raining outside. The pizza tasted good. I am very hungry. -NO Linking verbs -USE 500 HP Verbs -USE Sensory Details On your opposite DTAP page