Introductions Time for the speaker to introduce themselves Opportunity to welcome the audience and seek some information about them: Since this is about family mediation, presume many of you are here because you or a family member have some family problems or concerns that you want to learn about how mediation can help Who falls into that category? What kind of problems are you dealing with? What are you hoping to learn from this session? [opportunity to manage expectations]

Resolving Disputes Quickly & Effectively: How Mediation Can Help Your Business [Name or organization] [Date]

Agenda Welcome and Introductions Current Conflict Challenges for Business The Truth(s) About Conflict The Cost of Conflict What is Mediation How can Mediate BC help Real-life Examples Discussion & Questions

Current Conflict Challenges for Business What brings you here today? What kinds of conflicts are challenging your business? Your family? Exercise to help us to address the topics of most interest to you today – business or family issues Go around the room Consider asking: have you ever been involved in a mediation?

The Truth(s) About Conflict Conflict IS! Conflict that is not addressed can fester and escalate Deal with it – Conflict is an Opportunity Conflict often starts with communication problems Our focus today is on how to deal with conflict in your business in a healthy and cost-effective way We are going to start with some things you probably already know but you may not have thought about them in the context of your business life 1. Everyone experiences conflict – part of life; conflict is “normal” The key is how to deal with it in a healthy way We need a range of tools in our toolbox. Different situations require different responses. If all we have is a hammer everything looks like a nail! Avoidance is sometimes a valid strategy; but in the workplace or with our business partners or customers – not so much. If we don’t deal with something it will escalate – out of control Deal with it – try to view conflict as an opportunity Neuroscience tells us that when we are in conflict our “lizard brain” tells us to…..fight or flee (the fight or flight response) It seems at the time as if there are ONLY those two choices. We know, however, that there are almost always more options to consider – more choices and possibilities If we can slow down, avoid fight or flight, and consider our needs and goals as well as those of the other person we may actually uncover some really important things – root causes which lead to a range of possible approaches 4. Communication skills can be learned. Helpful responses to conflict can be learned. This is good news. There are some easy tips to remember that really do help. One example: when confronted by someone who is very upset, don’t immediately go to your defensive self. Try to be CURIOUS about what is going on for them. Show empathy and acknowledge their situation. You will be amazed how the temperature in the room will go down. We will get to some helpful tips re dealing with difficult/upset people in a moment

What Kinds of Conflicts Do You Face? Fee disputes with suppliers or customers Unpaid debts Allegations of poor service or damaged goods Disputes with government Disagreements with investors or lenders Commercial lease disputes This is just a list I brainstormed from past experience Obviously it depends on the sector, type and size of business etc. It could be a much longer list but the font would be TOO SMALL! The information you provided in the intro – how does it match with this list What are the things that are causing you the most problems? It is not on this list but I need to mention family conflict. Almost 50% of Canadian first marriages end in divorce. Higher for second marriages. Your employees who are experiencing separation and divorce are under a great deal of stress, particularly if there are children involved. Sounds heartless but The longer they are in a protracted high conflict family battle the less they will be able to focus on their work for you. It is in the interests of the business to encourage their employees to find ways to resolve family disputes quickly, affordably and effectively

What Kinds of Conflicts Do You Face? (cont’d) Insurance disputes Copyright or trademark disputes Workplace conflict: Wrongful dismissal / constructive dismissal Bullying & harassment Team dynamics Etc. This is just a list I brainstormed from past experience Obviously it depends on the sector, type and size of business etc. It could be a much longer list but the font would be TOO SMALL! The information you provided in the intro – how does it match with this list What are the things that are causing you the most problems? It is not on this list but I need to mention family conflict. Almost 50% of Canadian first marriages end in divorce. Higher for second marriages. Your employees who are experiencing separation and divorce are under a great deal of stress, particularly if there are children involved. Sounds heartless but The longer they are in a protracted high conflict family battle the less they will be able to focus on their work for you. It is in the interests of the business to encourage their employees to find ways to resolve family disputes quickly, affordably and effectively

“Unmanaged conflict is the largest reducible cost in organizations today, and the least recognized” Dan Dana Let’s talk about the cost of conflict This was said in relation to workplace conflict but it applies equally to any kind of conflict or dispute faced by a business

The Cost of Conflict UK: Conflict costs over £33 billion / yr – every year Over 80% is damage to the business and not legal costs Over ¼ of managers spend 5 – 8 hrs/week dealing with conflict Canada: Only 13% of leaders surveyed felt they were effective in dealing with conflict US: $359 billion/yr for time spent dealing with conflict in the workplace I think you already know this: The cost of conflict for business is huge These are only some examples from recent research UK = CEDR 2006 PeopleResolutions survey 2010 Think about it, your managers could be spending an average of one full day per week dealing with conflict – and not focusing on your mission!

The Cost of Conflict Types of costs for business conflict: Time away from business Legal and support costs Reputational costs Time away from business ( who can spend endless hours in examinations for discovery or trial?) Legal fees, disbursements, expert fees and related costs can be astronomical [Insert short version of your story: Explain why you believe mediation is better than litigation for most business disputes; why are you in the mediation business?]

The Cost of Conflict Types of costs for workplace conflict: Over 65% of performance problems Up to 90% of involuntary departures Reduced productivity Degraded decisional quality Increased sick days, absenteeism, tardiness Grievances Vandalism Recruitment, retraining, etc. Secondary morale effects There are many hidden costs…

Conflict Tips – Brain Science 101 First Step – the Brain NOTE: this is a VERY simplified version of the complex truth!!! Like this image because it shows how the two different halves of our brain operate differently The Right brain: non-verbal and implicit communication emotions are felt, perceived and expressed collaborative problem-solving and cooperation see situations holistically, feel empathy and recognize our emotions attribute intent to others, and judge their mood analyze the emotional meaning of what happens inhibits us from over-reacting to emotion-generating events. The Left Brain: focused attention parts of objects and issues, and name them categorize things and events based on what we know invents something that seems plausible when we cannot remember and therefore draws mistaken conclusions vocabulary and sentence structure activated when we express anger prefers red Research shows that when we are confronted with a threatening situation our primal response is to… feels like a life or death struggle – our Amygdala (lizard brain) takes over Flight or fight (very useful for the sabre tooth tiger situation – not always helpful today) Need to calm down in order to do problem solving – get into the frontal cortex (higher order thinking and cognitive appreciation) When we respond to conflict in this way we operate to get us out of the situation – to protect us Problem – black/white – not able to listen at all Need to calm first (get out of amygdala) before can ask the upset person to think logically or rationally.

Conflict Tips Curiosity Dealing with upset people: Breathe The presenting issue may not be the real issue Mirroring EAR (Empathy, Attention & Respect) Tone & body language Make a list Ask them to make a proposal Focus on the future www.highconflictinstitute.com Before we get into mediation in particular, here are a few helpful tips for dealing with conflict

What is mediation? The parties meet to discuss and resolve a dispute with the assistance of an impartial third party – the mediator Mediators: Facilitate communication Encourage the exchange of information Urge the parties to look at the problem from different perspectives Help them to explore ideas for resolution Different from Arbitration In mediation the parties make the decisions We’d like to suggest that you consider mediation as one option to deal with business and workplace conflict What is mediation…

Adjudication vs Mediation What does it look like? Panel members will describe it as part of their stories in a moment This slide tries to depict the difference between court or arbitration vs mediation environment Which would you rather be in to resolve your business disputes? In addition to mediation itself, we suggest that you consider: Creating a policy which provides your business with a tailored conflict resolution system. The policy will clarify the steps to take when a conflict arises and it can build mediation right into the process. That normalizes the use of mediation (avoids any stigma) and encourages its use. Including a tiered dispute resolution clause in all of your contracts (negotiation – mediation – arbitration? – litigation) Variations on the mediation theme including “conflict coaching” – uses the same skill set

Why mediation? Mediation saves money Mediation is quicker compared to a court action Mediation works It can be used for many types of conflicts It is practical, safe and private It can help to maintain relationships and provide opportunities for personal growth It can offer unique solutions not available through court It provides settlement agreements which are enforceable Settlement rates are high People are very satisfied with the mediation process We are not saying that mediation is appropriate for ALL types of disputes But its advantages are so compelling it should at least be considered as an option

Family mediation More affordable, timely and accessible Considers interests/needs in addition to legal rights Uniquely tailored solutions Preserves relationships Families make their own decisions Agreements legally binding once signed by both parties Wide variety of issues… Mediation is not: Counseling / therapy Reconciliation A substitute for legal advice No one knows the unique needs of a family and children better than the couple themselves. Mediation lets families create their own arrangements rather than handing that power over to an unknown decision-maker with legal authority. When children are involved, former spouses usually continue to have a co-parenting relationship after divorce or separation. Mediation can help develop better channels of communication and build a new and appropriate relationship. Mediation is done in a private setting. Agreements reached in mediation are legally binding once they are signed by both parties.

The New BC Family Law Act Family mediators must be highly qualified Mediators must: Assess for family violence Discuss various dispute resolution options Advise of facilities and other resources to help the family It is very important for families to select a family mediator who is highly qualified SAFETY is paramount There are many people who call themselves family mediators but have no or insufficient training and experience Mediate BC Family Roster mediators are highly skilled We want to help you ensure that your family receives the best mediation services possible In addition to Mediate BC’s Family Roster, the Act also refers to: Family Mediation Canada Family justice counsellors – describe services Family law mediators – lawyers who have achieved the Law Society’s qualifications for family mediation Others who have satisfied a very long list of training and experience requirements

The New BC Family Law Act (cont’d) Puts the interests of children first Encourages families to use mediation and other dispute resolution options before using the courts Agreements are emphasized Here are three key points about the new BC Family Law Act – that relate to family mediation

How can Mediate BC help your business? Mediate BC Society is the BC hub for mediation information, services and programs We are a not-for-profit society committed to providing people with practical, accessible and affordable choices to prevent, manage and resolve disputes. We are shifting the culture to healthier conflict choices We can help you: figure out if mediation would be helpful in your situation find a mediator on one of our Rosters design a customized conflict resolution program for your business Explain the rosters Mediate BC manages a list of qualified civil and family mediators as well as information about the mediators on British Columbia's Child Protection Mediation Program Roster. Our mediators must meet stringent training and experience admission standards, carry insurance, take ongoing training and follow our Standards of Conduct

What’s next – Real Life Examples Questions? What’s next – Real Life Examples Any questions?

Questions and Discussion