LISTENING TO LEARN Let’s play a Game Pair up-Appoint a SPEAKER and a LISTENER PASS out #1 to each Listener SPEAKER: give a 1-2 min talk about a trip, vacation, etc LISTENER responds according to the Behavior on the card Discussion: Speakers what did you experience? How did the reactions of the listeners affect you? Listeners – How did the speakers respond to you? To ALL: What IS Listening? To ALL: WHY is listening such an important part of learning? LISTENING TO LEARN

Listening is… An essential part of communication Not taught in school A skill that can be learned Listening is an essential part of communication, yet we take it for granted. Throughout school we are taught to write and public speaking but there is no formal training on the skill of listening. This WoodBadge course is designed to change that by making ourselves aware of the importance of listening and the ways in which we do it. More effective listening as a tool for learning and leadership.

Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership? Listening is a critical element of communication and a primary means for connecting with other people SHARING IDEAS and experiences with one another creates familiarity among us. From that grows trust, understanding and an awareness of strengths and skills. The building blocks of friendships and teamwork. LISTENING can be especially powerful for young people. Kids find it unusual when adults truly pay attention to them. Having people listen to them with care and understanding can be very meaningful not only for the youth but the adult, too. Listening provides the means to make decisions and solve problems. Listening is the glue that holds a team together! It is the doorway through which ideas pass. It is the window in which solutions appear. Connecting Decision Making Problem Solving

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” —Stephen Covey “Seek first to Understand, then to be understood” ---Stephen Covey Stephen Covey wrote “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” Seeking to understand someone first involves a deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first for people to understand us. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak. They are filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their own autobiography into other peoples lives. Discuss

Two Parts of Effective Listening Two parts ACTIVE and EMPATHETIC The American Heritage dictionary defines ACTIVE as “Capable of functioning” or “engaged in activity: contributing; participating.” Classic example of Passive listening: I’m sewing in the quilt room, my husband is leaving to an important meeting, he asks me to do something at a designated time and I respond, “ok”. Sometime later, that time arrives and if I remember I do what was asked but I have NO IDEA what it was. PASSIVE Listening, Poor Understanding, Poor Performance! Example of Active Listening: The military has plenty of experience communicating commands and ensuring understanding. Have you seen a movie where the captain of the vessel gives the command such as, “Helmsman, Make your course Three-Five-Zero.” The helmsman responds, “ Making course Three-Five-Zero, Aye Sir!” The captain designates the person being spoken to, to ensure his attention before given the command. The command is acknowledges and repeated back to ensure understanding before execution. Active Listening Empathetic Listening

Active Listening Requires… Rephrasing and Confirming Nonjudgmental Attitude Active Listening reflects what a person is saying to confirm comprehension. By using a statement such as: “What I understand you to be saying is this…” To rephrase the information and bounce it back to the speaker, the listener confirms that the message has been correctly received and interpreted. Listeners doing this are not making value judgments. They are simply making sure that they are hearing what the speaker has to say, and they are letting the speaker know that their message is getting through.

Empathetic Listening Requires… The American Heritage dictionary defines Empathy as “Understanding so intimate that the feelings, thoughts, and motives of one are readily comprehended by another.” EMPATHETIC Listening is a sincere attempt on the part of the listener to understand in depth what a speaker is saying. Empathetic Listeners pay attention to more than just the words they hear. They also take care to notice a speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotional sense and considers all of these elements as part of the message package the speaker is sending. Empathetic listening requires listeners to  Put themselves in the speaker’s place  Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view  Try to understand how the speaker feels EFFECTIVE LISTENING IS ACTIVE AND EMPATHETIC Putting oneself in the speaker’s place Imagining the speaker’s viewpoint Understanding the speaker’s feelings

Let’s play a Game Pair up-Appoint a SPEAKER and a LISTENER PASS out #2 to each Listener SPEAKER: give a 1-2 min talk about a hobby, a sport or a family activity. LISTENER responds according to the Behavior on the card. Note: There are 3 scenarios a. Pay close attention, “I got it”, no further feedback b. Rephrase the message and share deeper understanding of speakers feelings. c. Pay close attention and respond by rephrasing the message. Listeners and Speakers trade roles and repeat the exercise. Select a different card if you choose.

Monitoring Our Listening Level How do we respond when we are hearing something we don’t want to hear? When a speaker is angry? When we are tired or hungry? A key to effective listening is being aware of our current situation, energy level, and interest. If we are upset about something, it may affect how we listen. Being drowsy will definitely affect our attention span. Are you chilly, too hot, late for another appointment? Distracted?? Being aware of our own state of hearing awareness can help us adjust to better grasp the message of a speaker. It may be a matter of focusing more on what is being said. Often, though, it may require calling a time-out so that you can put on a sweater, have a bite to eat, take care of distracting matters, or let you emotions cool. Then you can get back together with the speaker under conditions that are more conducive to good listening. Of course, we cannot tailor every listening situation to be ideal. We often find ourselves in situations with others that make communication difficult. However, good listening skills are powerful tools for calming adversarial situations and finding solutions to problems. Awareness Adjustments Powerful Tools

Role Play – Listening in Adversarial Situations Ask a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry about the way others in his unit are treating him. The TG plays the part of a Scout Leader As the “Scout” expresses his complaints and frustrations, the Scout leader uses the skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is being received. “I got it” or “This is what I hear you saying..” Encourage the scout to keep talking, but offer no judgment or feedback. It is very likely that the scout will focus on the negative, complaining about what he doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people who are upset express themselves. The scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want, now tell me what you do want.” Encourage the scout to keep talking, but focus now on positive aspects of the situation rather than the negative ones.

Listening in Adversarial Situations DISCUSSION What did you observe? Speakers respond to how others listen to them. Acknowledge but don’t immediately judge their complaints (I got it). If there is no enabling by a listener, complaints will seem smaller and ultimately more manageable. By taking a negative and flipping it to a positive, a listener can also structure a more productive framework for finding solutions. (I hear what you don’t want, now tell me what you do want.) A conversation cast in a positive light naturally involves more empathy and support. Body language of listeners and speakers become more open for resolution are greatly enhanced. Nonjudgmental Productive Framework Positive Conversation

Listeners should always strive to create a positive present as opposed to a negative past.

Giving and Receiving Feedback Can be difficult Basic part of team development, leadership, and friendship Both parties must use effective listening Receiving feedback can sometimes be difficult. However, by using effective listening skills, a feedback situation may be turned into a positive experience. Have you ever had someone give you advice? How did it feel? DISCUSS Have you ever been in a position to tell people how they can do something better or how they might make a positive change in their behavior? How did it feel to offer that kind of feedback. From time to time, all of us find ourselves giving and receiving feedback. It is a basic part of team development, of leadership, and of friendships. For feedback to be helpful, both parties must use the skills of effective listening.

Tips on Giving Feedback Is it helpful? Do others want it? Can it change a behavior? Is it specific? Does it describe behavior? How does it impact you? Does it contain an “I” statement? Did the recipient understand what you said? Consider your motives. Feedback should be helpful, otherwise there is no reason to offer it Find out if the other people involved are open to receiving feedback. Listen carefully, then rephrase what they say to be sure you understand them. Deal only with behavior that can be changed. Deal with specifics, not generalities. Describe the behavior: do not evaluate it. Let the other person know the impact the behavior has on you. Use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your own perceptions and emotions. To make sure the recipients of the feedback have understood your message in the way you intended it, ask them to rephrase what they heard you say.

You can give caring feedback without a good technique, but the slickest technique in the world will not hide a lack of caring.

Tips on Receiving Feedback Seek out feedback. Listen carefully. Listen actively. Listen empathetically. Monitor your emotions. Seek out feedback. It will nearly always provide you with information that will in some way help you improve your performance. Listen Carefully. Receiving feedback requires a heightened awareness of yourself and the person offering the feedback. Listen actively. Restate the feedback in your own words so that the speaker knows that their message is the same as the speakers intentions. Listen empathetically. Put feedback in its proper context by observing the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotions. Consider the speaker’s reasons for offering feedback. Notice how you are feeling when someone offers you feedback. Becoming angry or defensive can cloud your ability to listen effectively.

Consider feedback to be a gift. It truly is one.

Effective Listening A learned skill Important to relationships and problem solving Active and empathetic Turns a negative situation into a positive one Key to giving and receiving feedback. SUMMARY Effective listening is a skill that each of us can learn and can constantly improve upon. Listening plays a vital role in forming relationships, developing teams and finding solutions. The best listening is both ACTIVE and EMPATHETIC Listening can be a tool for turning a negative situation into a positive one. Listening will is an important part of both receiving and giving feedback. Tomorrow we will talk about communication. Remember that we talked about receiving messages (listening) is an important part of communication. To prepare you for later this afternoon’s Values Mission and Vision presentation, I will now present you each with an acorn.

Ticket’s Written & Approved by Oct 22, 2014