Crucial Conversations The ABC’s

PARTICIPANTS DYAD Presentation HSP 303 Western Washington University 2013 Teri Fisher & Aletia Bennett

TEXT CRUICIAL CONVERSATIONS TOOLS for TALKING WHEN STAKES ARE HIGH Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Sitzler 2012

What the experts are saying! Joseph Grenny What the experts are saying! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saCAmw1MS2c

BODY LANGUAGE!

PEOPLE=COMMUNICATION DYADS PEOPLE=COMMUNICATION Whether it be a professional, personal or casual relationship, one universal need is unavoidable—the need to communicate. The means varies: Verbal, Written, Silence, Electronically, Sign Language, Body Language etc. The challenge is how to do it effectively!

WHERE TO BEGIN?

DID YOU KNOW? Most arguments are just 5 to 10 percent of the facts and stories which people disagree over.

A UNIQUE CONVERSATION TOOL There is an effective and widely respected method of engaging in Crucial Conversations. A means by which a few or several can come to the “table” and offer information. It’s a proven tool being used in a whole host of Conversation Circles, Mediation, Conflict Resolution and Management Trainings…yielding impressive results. It’s called—Pooling.

WHAT DOES POOLING MEAN?

APPLICATION Adding to the pool is more effective and respectful than being right at the expense of others. Positive results are more likely to occur when people willingly act on whatever decisions they make—with unity and conviction (p25)

Agree Build Compare THE BREAKDOWN The ABC’s of Crucial Conversation A Agree when you agree B Build Build on what is agreed C Compare Compare where you differ

A When finding common ground has occurred, there is a foundation from which to move forward. Without any agreement, there is a roadblock preventing progress. Agree that you agree on something.

AGREE

B Building upon the foundation. If you agree with what has been said but the information is incomplete, build. Point out areas of agreement, and then add elements that were left out of the discussion.

WRONG vs. RIGHT When the other person has left out an element of the argument, skilled people will agree and build from there. For example: Instead of saying “Wrong, you forgot to mention…,” they say: “Absolutely, In addition, I noticed that…” (p172)

BUILDING the FOUNDATION

C Compare your path with theirs. Disagreement may still be present and part of the conversation. Look at your path in relation to the other persons and suggest where you both differ. Hearing both sides of the story may reveal where the discrepancies are. Restate: “I think I see things differently, let me describe how.” (P. 172)

DIFFERENT PATHS

Building is taking place- Both paths have been considered- CONCLUSION Once an agreement has been made- Building is taking place- Both paths have been considered- Using the S.T.A.T.E skills to explore and explain the differences would be timely and appropriate in moving forward.

S.T.A.T.E. Share your facts Tell your story Ask for others’ path Talk tentatively Encourage testing

REFERENCES Reference Grenny, J., McMillan, R., Patterson, K., Switzler, Al. (2012) Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. McGraw-Hill.