WRITING WORKSHOP! http://whap123.tumblr.com/page/3 Writing is fun!

GAME PLAN FOR TODAY Pre-write an essay to an old AP compare/contrast essay prompt Look over released AP essay answers Grade released AP essays answers using the AP rubric

PRE-WRITE Pre-writes include: A fully written out thesis statement in the formula A topic sentence for first body paragraph Concrete evidence to support argument A topic sentence for second body paragraph (If necessary, another topic sentence and concrete evidence to support) You’ll have ten minutes to complete a pre-write for the following prompt. You cannot use your notes.

Analyze similarities and differences in methods of political control in TWO of the following empires in the Classical period Han China (206BCE -220CE) Mauryan/Gupta India (320BCE-550CE) Imperial Rome (31BCE-476CE) *on all AP compare/contrast essays, you will be given the option to pick two out of a list of three. For right now, you must do your prewrite over Rome and Han China

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This is the general essay rubric, but essay rubrics will vary based on the essay – check out the one we’ve given them – ‘appropriate historical evidence’ is 5 pieces of evidence – sometimes it’s more than that. This is how they’ll be graded from now on!

AP RELEASED ESSAYS Get in groups of four Read both essays individually Score both essays based on the rubric When everyone in your group has finished, compare your score with each other Justify why which essay got what score and why

SCORING COMMENTARY – OVERVIEW “The intent of the question was for students to pick two of the stipulated empires – Han China, Mauryan/Gupta India, Imperial Rome – and compare the ways those empires exerted political control over their populaces. Students were explicitly told to discuss both similarities and differences in methods of political control”

SCORING COMMENTARY – ESSAY 3A Class vote – what did you give it? Why?

SCORING COMMENTARY – ESSAY 3A (8/9) “The essay contains a valid thesis in the second and third sentences of the first paragraph (1 pt). In the fourth paragraph, the essay addresses a similarity (“Both empires had unstable borders”) and several differences, including “However, Han China dealt with Turkic Huns through the tribute system, thus placating them with gifts and avoiding costly and expensive warfare, which Rome preferred when dealing with their enemies” (2 pts). Although there is ample evidence given for the Han, Roman evidence is limited by discussion of the Republic, which could not be counted. There is, however, enough evidence for two evidence points. In addition o the direct comparison listed above, there is another difference at the bottom of the second paragraph – “However, because there was less emphasis as a collective group in Rome, the political organization was a lost less structured than China’s” – which earned 1 pt for the comparison and 1 pt because the statement also involves an analysis. This essay containe da complex thesis, sufficient depth of comparison, and supporting evidence to earn 1 Expanded Core point.”

SCORING COMMENTARY – ESSAY 3C Class vote – what did you give it? Why?

SCORING COMMENTARY – ESSAY 3C (3/9) “There is no valid thesis because the essay attempts to show a difference between Han and Rome in terms of the Roman Republic, which is outside the time period. The essay only addresses similarities, not valid differences (1 pt). The evidence is sufficient for the Han, but the only valid piece of evidence for Rome is the statement that “He [Augustus] defeated Cleopatra and Mark Anthony making sure that Rome is politically secured” (1 pt). Most of the Roman evidence is prior to 31 BCE and therefore did not earn credit. The essay had a valid direct comparison in the fourth paragraph: “The size of both empire was an issue that led to leaders ultimately losing political control of both empires” (1 pt)”

YOUR TURN For the rest of class, write out a full essay to the prompt Each body statement should look like: Topic sentence Like a mini thesis! But really should be about one sentence Evidence to support and back up the topic sentence Analysis (the why) that readdresses the prompt Concluding sentence Directly relate all of the evidence back to the prompt