Ten Things You Should Discuss Before Marriage

1. Marriage – who, what & why? Why get married Lot of bad reasons Have proper attitude toward marriage Expectations Fidelity

What kind of people are you? Talk frankly about perceptions of themselves and each other Nice to know that someone loves despite some not so personality quirks Negative feelings are bound to surface Nagging is a negative sign What does couple want out of life?

Who’s going to do the dishes? Are there role/gender expectations Who makes decisions on Investments Insurance Where to live Job opportunities

What is your relationship to your families? Families influence expectations for marriage & not all families do/expect the same things Develop ground rules to follow with families Ex. People should call before dropping by How/Where will holidays/vacations be spent?

How well will you communicate? Open & Honest communication and sharing of feelings Risk of rejection prevents people from revealing inmost feelings and thoughts Do they enjoy talking with each other? Can they share thoughts and feelings honestly

How independent or dependent should you be? How to maintain your individuality in the midst of being a couple? Personal Freedom/room for growth Plenty of quality time with freedom to pursue individual interests Freedom with members of opposite sex?

How should money be handled? How much money does it take to live? Expenses Budget Savings Medical care Education Who will handle money/bills Vacations, movies, dinners? Source of many conflicts w/in marriage

What about the sexual expression of love? How often does each expect to make love? Adjusting to being/seeing each other in less than optimal settings Ie. Bathroom How do you adjust to living with your spouse 24/7

What about children? How many? When? NFP? The how to. Who will care for children? Philosophy of raising children? Discipline Education Activities

How will you deal with spiritual aspects of marriage? Marriage is a Sacrament and important part of their faith Does each spouse plan to actively participate in Church/worship? Have they discussed religion, image of God, beliefs, doubts, prayer? Esp. imp. For couples of different faith/denominations FLEXIBILITY