Chapter 8 Communication in Relationships Nature of Interpersonal Communication. Principles of Effective Communication. Disclosure/Honesty/Privacy/Lying Gender differences in Communication Sociological Theories Conflicts in Relationships

Effective Communication Make communication a priority. Establish/maintain eye contact. Ask open-ended rather than closed-ended questions. Use reflective listening: paraphrase what your partner says back to him/her.

Effective Communication Use “I” statements. Avoid brutal criticism: “You are fat.” Make positive comments and compliment your partner. Be specific about what you want.

Effective Communication Stay focused and avoid branching. Make specific resolutions to disagreements. Send nonverbal message to match verbal message. Keep process of communication going. Fight fair.

Gender Differences in Communication Men talk about activities, share information, and want to “solve” problems. Women talk about relationships, enjoy interacting, and seek empathy, not solutions. Men keep feelings inside; women disclose.

Sources of Conflict Behavior: partner does things you don’t like (is late or lies). Cognitions/perceptions: conflict exists only if individual perceives situation as problem. Value differences: religion, children, day care for children, money, etc.

Sources of Conflict Rule differences: amount of time to spend together, how late is late, division of labor. Leadership: spouses develop territory in which they make decisions.

Styles of Conflict Competing - Partners are assertive but uncooperative. Collaborating - Partners are both assertive and cooperative. Each has a definite suggestion but cooperates to find a win-win solution.

Styles of Conflict Avoiding - Partners avoid a confrontation, and don’t communicate about the issue. Accommodating - Cooperation takes priority over assertiveness so that immediate goal is to reduce conflict and find a solution.

Steps in Conflict Resolution Address recurring issue. Identify new desired behaviors. Summarize partner’s perspective. Generate win-win solutions.

Defense mechanisms Escapism - sleep or drugs. Rationalization - justify own behavior. Projection - attribute one’s feelings to another. Displacement - shift feelings from the person who evokes them onto someone else.