Week 4: Taking Ownership and Responsibility September 4th and September 6th

Overview

CASE STUDY: THE LATE PAPER (Handout) Discuss with a partner: 1. Which person in the case study do you think is most responsible for Kim's failing grade in Psychology 101? Why? 2. What choice(s) did Kim make that sabotaged her success in Psychology 101? What other choice(s) could she have made?

Personal Responsibility: Is the essence of responding wisely to life’s opportunities and challenges, rather than waiting passively for luck or other people to make the choices for us.

RESPONSIBILITY MODEL:

VICTIM vs CREATOR LANGUAGE

VICTIM LANGUAGE Victim’s Language Blame self or others Complain Make excuses Victim’s Results Waste time and energy Seldom achieve desired outcomes & experiences

CHANGING VICTIM LANGUAGE Victim Statements If I weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have to take English 475 for a third time. (Blame self) I would have passed my Psychology course if the teacher would have taken my homework late. (Blame others) My boss won’t let me have the day off. I never get a break from anybody. (Complain) I didn’t have enough time to do the assignment. (Excuse)

CHANGING VICTIM LANGUAGE All of these statements are about blaming, complaining and making excuses. None is about taking ownership or action!

CHANGING VICTIM LANGUAGE If I weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have to take English 475 for a third time I know I didn’t spend nearly enough time studying last semester. I’m going to study this subject from 3:30 to 4:30 every day. I’ll also go to the Writing Center for two hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays so they can help me with my papers

CHANGING VICTIM LANGUAGE I would have passed my Psychology course if the teacher would have taken my homework late. I’m going to keep track of all my assignments in my planner so I know when they are due. I am going to check it regularly so I am not caught off guard. I will also start the assignments early incase something comes up last minute.

Victim Language into Creator Language Choose words that support your success: Change Victim language into Creator language. By taking ownership and action, Creators escape the negative trap of Victim thinking and move closer to creating their desired outcomes and experiences. They get On Course!

Victim or Creator Language I got cheated on this grade! I'm going to meet with my teacher to find out exactly what I need to study for the next exam. I know I’ll do lousy this term because my schedule is so messed up. My boss is making me work 5 days a week. People in my group project are lazy and annoying – I am going to drop the class. I didn’t understand the tutor I saw today. I’ll go back tomorrow and see if I can find a different tutor who explains things in a way that makes more sense to me.

Part 1: Begin filling out the Victim/Creator Statement sheet CLASS ACTIVITY Part 1: Begin filling out the Victim/Creator Statement sheet Part 2: Get into groups of 4 or 5 and share/compare the translations you made to the 10 Victim statements

MASTERING CREATOR LANGUAGE FOCUS QUESTION How can you create greater success by changing your vocabulary?

CLASS ACTIVITY: Choose one quotation from the next slide Write why you agree or disagree with the quotation. (3 minutes free write journal) Pair up with someone who picked the same quote as you and share/compare what you have written.

Examples of Inner Critic’s STINKIN’ THINKIN’ I’m dumb. I’m a failure. I’m worthless. I can’t learn math. I’m a lousy parent. No one will like me. I can’t remember stuff. If I ask a question, I’ll look like a jerk.

Examples of Inner Defender’s STINKIN’ THINKIN’ People are always mean to me. People don’t treat me right; they’re rotten. People don’t agree with my ideas because they’re too stupid to understand them. Life isn’t fair; I never get an even break. Teachers always have their favorites and those students get all the breaks. No one knows what they’re doing. Life stinks.

USING YOUR INNER GUIDE TO OVERCOME YOUR INNER CRITIC Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Critic (IC) might level against you as a result of a current situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately.

hothead; I’m always flying off the handle and making a mess USING YOUR INNER GUIDE I’m such a stupid hothead; I’m always flying off the handle and making a mess of things. I'm not stupid at all, and I maintain really good control of myself. People at work tell me they can't believe how patient I am with customers. In this case, the Inner Guide disputes the self-criticism by showing specific evidence that the judgment is irrational and wrong: "Other people at work say..."

USING YOUR INNER GUIDE TO OVERCOME YOUR INNER DEFENDER Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Defender (ID) might level against someone else as a result of a current situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately.

USING YOUR INNER GUIDE If Amber weren't so lazy, I wouldn't have to nag her all the time about cleaning the place up. This problem is all her fault. Amber really isn't lazy; she works two part-time jobs and she's taking 18 hours this semester. I'm going to apologize and suggest we make out a cleaning plan that fits her work hours. Notice that the Inner Guide moves from judgment to empathy and finally to a plan that will solve the problem (not just create hard feelings).

THE WISE CHOICE PROCESS What’s my present situation? (Identify the problem or difficulty.) How would I like my situation to be? (Define my desired outcomes and experiences.) What are my possible choices? (Without evaluating, make a list of options.)

THE WISE CHOICE PROCESS What’s the likely outcome of each possible choice? (Missing information? Stop and get more!) Which choice(s) will I commit to doing? (Make a promise to myself.) When and how will I evaluate my plan? (Assess my results.)

THE WISE CHOICE PROCESS EXAMPLE What’s my present situation? I don’t have the $900 it will cost to get my car fixed, so I have to take the bus or ask people for rides wherever I go. How would I like my situation to be? I own a safe, reliable car so I can conveniently go where I want when I want.

THE WISE CHOICE PROCESS EXAMPLE 3. What are my Possible choices? Work extra hours at my job. Make out a tighter budget; stop eating at restaurants. Ask Chuck to give me a ride to campus. Ask for a raise. 4. What’s the likely outcome of each choice? Earn more money but have less time to study. Save money and have more time to study. Save bus money and maybe develop a new friendship. Might get more money for same amount of time, especially if I do jobs that others don't like to do.

THE WISE CHOICE PROCESS EXAMPLE Which choice(s) will I commit to doing? By September 15th, I will develop a budget that will cut $125.00 off my monthly bills (including not eating at restaurants), I will ask my supervisor for a raise, and I will ask Chuck for a ride to campus until I get my car fixed. I will put all extra money into a savings account. When and how will I evaluate my plan? By November15th, I'll have at least $900 in my savings account and get my car fixed.

KEY CHOICES FOR ACCEPTING SELF-RESPONSIBILITY Making Wise Choices/Decisions Mastering Creator Language Adopting the Creator Role

Review What are the supporting details for “Mastering Creator Language?“ Self-Talk Inner Critic Inner Defender Inner Guide The Language of Responsibility Wise Choice Process Having Ownership and creating a plan