Elements of Advance Communication ACCENT GRAMMAR Personality Pronunciation Intonation Liaison Vocabulary Americanism Knowledge CALL CENTER

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Betty Botter bought some butter But she said, the butter’s bitter If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter But a bit of better butter will make my batter better So ‘twas Betty Botter bought a bit of butter, better!

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood As a woodchuck would, if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood.

I hate grammar!!! I HATE GRAMMAR!

But if we don’t do grammar…

From a forwarded text message (telephone ringing) Melanie : Hello? Caller : Hello, good morning. I’d like to speak to Joey, please. Melanie : Oh, Joey? Wait… Please hang yourself… (long pause) Hello? My brother Joey is out of town. Would you like to wait?

ENGLISH IS A QUEER LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes. But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. Then one fowl is a goose but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may found a lone mouse or a whole set of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose. And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say Mother, we never say Methren, Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim? So English, I fancy you will all agree, Is the funniest language you ever did see! 

a dedication to grammar AND THE FINAL IS ME! a dedication to grammar

October 1996 To Marjie, I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but youre very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making paki-alam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that. And then he say he get ashame to met either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth you’re the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name or time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names either in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to.

Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING. You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl. Love, The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

ENGLISH PHONETIC SPELLING

What is the English Phonetic Spelling? Why is it important to the call center agents?

CALL CENTER BLOOPERS TSR: “It's C as in CAT.” Customer: “What?” TSR: "C as in CAT. C-A-T...meow meow...“ TSR: “Ok, sir. Do you have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?” Customer: “What?!!” TSR: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Do you have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready? (applause)

SECOND PAIR TSR: “Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk. That is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K- D-S-K...” Customer: “What is that again?” TSR: "C-H-K-D-S-K...that is... C as in Charlie...H as in Harley...K as in Karley...D as in Darley...S as in Sarley...and K as in Karly."

The Manager tells about a call center agent whose spelling did confuse his customers. She says, "Maybe this is due to the fact that he actually came from a seminary." For example: P as in Psalm E as in Eucharist I for Immaculate Conception

TSR: Ok sir, we need to check if your PC has a valid IP address TSR: Ok sir, we need to check if your PC has a valid IP address. Cust: And how do you go about doing that? TSR: Let's open the command prompt, click the start button then select run and type c-m-d. Cust: c-n-b? TSR: No sir, c as in Charlie, m as in Mike, d as in Delta. Cust: Oh, c-m-t! TSR: No, it's C-M-D. Cust: c-m-b? TSR: CMD... C as in customer, M as in must, D as in die!!

Let us review your standard Phonetic Alphabet After the phonetic alphabet was developed by the International Civil Aviation Organization It was adopted by many other international and national organizations, including the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), basis for IPA the International Telecommunication Union (ITU), the International Maritime Organization (IMO), the American Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), the Alliance for Telecommunications Industry Solutions (ATIS) International Amateur Radio Union (IARU).

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough. Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through. Well done! And now you wish, perhaps, To learn of less familiar traps.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead-it’s said like a bed, not bead. For goodness sake, don’t call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat. They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother, Nor both in bother, broth in brother, And here is not a match for there, Nor dear and fear for pear and bear. And then there’s dose and rose and lose

Just look them up- and goose and choose. And cork and work and card and ward. And font and front and word and sword. And do and go, then thwart and cart. Come, come I’ve hardy make a start A dreadful language? Man alive, I’d mastered it when I was five!