The Goal of Our Time Together To produce a community of openness to one another By learning to forgive freely By recognizing the tendency to cover our unconscious shame Caused by our interpretation of actions of parents and others By exposing the lies we have believed These lies are on the unconscious level: we know better in our head And by healing the emotional wounds that act as triggers As long as the wounds are raw, we react to offenses and shut down

Shame and its Effect on Relationships Surface Community Real me Real Other Real other

Developing Healthy Relationships Genuine Relationships and a Caring Community By Healing the wounds and defeating the lies Real me Real Other True Intimacy

The Real Problem: Shame Mistake Felt Rejection Shame: Something is wrong with me Fear: someone may find out who I really am and reject me I must hide my true self to be accepted I must exclude anyone who sees the real me to avoid exposure I am a bad person I am a mistake

Toxic Thoughts Experience Response Belief Perceived Threat Expectation

Responses to Rejection Wound Faith Love Fear Hope Bitterness Passion

Basic Human Needs: Love, Significance, Security Felt Needs Basic Human Needs: Love, Significance, Security Sense of Emptiness Felt Need Energy in Motion Partial and Temporary Fulfillment Despair, Depression, Death thoughts Memories in the Heart GOAL Goal Oriented Behavior

Basic Human Needs: Love, Significance, Security Real Needs Basic Human Needs: Love, Significance, Security Renewed Hunger for God Need Energy in Motion Healed Heart and Renewed Mind Complete and Eternal Fulfillment Life of Seeking God and Loving your Neighbor Father Meets my needs Goal: Intimacy with God

Defiling a Relationship Forgiveness: The way Out The Vicious Cycle Unfinished Business Defiling a Relationship Lure Sin Guilt Exclude Forgiveness: The way Out Shame Hide Fear

HEALING EMOTIONAL WOUNDS He Returns to Heal your pain Forgive and Release Your Stuff on Him to the Grave Discern His Presence Give over the Grief/Sorrow