Building a Partnership Beverly O. Ford, PhD bevasm@aol.com

Outcome Self-Sufficiency

Which Path to Self-Sufficiency?

Why A Partnership YOU WORK TOO HARD! Participants Control Outcomes Participants Have Strengths & Resources

WHAT IS A PARTNERSHIP? Participant is Lead Partner You are Back Up Partner

Language of Partnership Helping : We can help you find a job. Partnership : You and I will work together to find a job.

ASK … DON’T TELL Statement: We can give you a transportation allowance. Question: Who do you know who could help you with a ride to class? ? ?

Thinking vs Non Thinking Questions How did you get here today? Could you ask your sister to help? What could you do to get a ride? Who do you think you could ask to help?

OPEN THINKING QUESTIONS

THEIR IDEAS FIRST Helping: You need to call the GED site to find out about classes. Empowering: What do you think you should do to find out about the GED class?

Your Ideas As Back Up Your Question: Where do you think you could get an outfit for your interview? Participant: I guess I could ask my girlfriend and try a consignment shop. Back Up Response: Great ideas! I will also check to see what we can do to help.

Helping: We can get you childcare. THEIR RESOURCES FIRST Helping: We can get you childcare. Empowering: You and I will work together to find child care. Who do you know who might help?

PROBLEMS BELONG TO THEM Helping: We will help you with childcare. Empowering: You and I will work together to find childcare. Who do you know who might help you?

What Problems Do Participants Ask You to Solve?

THEIR IDEAS FIRST

SHUT UP AND LET THEM THINK

PROMPT WHEN THEY ARE STUCK

REINFORCE MISERIES & GOALS

REINFORCE STRENGTHS & PAST SUCCESSES

LAVISH WITH PRAISE!

WHAT SHOULD YOU ASK? 1. I don’t have anyone to encourage me. 2. Would you call the employer for me?

CONFRONTATION: Difficult Conversations

What Should You Say? 1. I need a job right now. 2. I heard you can get me childcare.

Behaviors Blocking Outcomes Behaviors Not Attitudes What to Confront Behaviors Blocking Outcomes Behaviors Not Attitudes

TELLING OR ASKING? 1. How do you think you could meet some new people? 2. You could try meeting new people at your kids school. 3. You should ask your older children to help more. 4. What could you do to get the older children to help more?

THE RELATIONSHIP

THINKING OR NON-THINKING? 1. How did you get here today? 2. What could you try to find a ride to your interview? 3. Why don’t you ask your friends for help? 4. Who could you ask for help?

CAUTIOUS WORDS Perhaps… Maybe… Could it be that… Have you considered… Is it possible that…”

AVOID ACCUSATIONS What you need to do is… What’s wrong with you is… Your problem is… You are never going to get anywhere unless you…

GET PERMISSION FIRST

THE HYGIENE PROBLEM

Partnering To Plan Participant’s Plan Participant is Lead Partner You are Supporting Partner

Organizing the Plan

PLANNING SKILLS

OWNERSHIP AND COMMITMENT

PARTICIPANT DIRECTED PLANNING

PARTICIPANT WRITES PLAN

ASK. DON’T TELL

PARTICIPANT IDEAS FIRST YOUR IDEAS AS BACKK UP

ASK PARTICIPANT TO SET PRIORITIES

ASK PARTICIPANT TO SET TIMETABLES

WHAT HELP DO YOU NEED FROM ME?

SIGNING OF PLAN = COMMITMENT

PROBLEMS BELONG TO THEM

HELPING DO FOR Because We Care More dependent and less self-sufficient. Lessens participants’ skills and their competence More Time Consuming Can Create Burnout

Can Do Everything by Themselves ABANDONING WALK AWAY Lack of Caring Can Do Everything by Themselves Uncomfortable for You

EMPOWERING PARTNER WITH Participants Bring Strengths and Resources Participants Capable of Finding Resources/Solving Problems Relationship Should be Partnership

POWER OF PRAISE Reinforces Behaviors You Want More Effective than Criticism Praise Person and Action Praise Small Steps

Your Resources as Back Up