Deciding about sexual behavior

Defining personal values The topics covered in the next four lessons: Dating and Sexual Behaviors Abstinence STIs Protection Methods will help you define your personal values about dating and sexual behaviors.

What is right for me?

Facts to Know It is important to remember that sex is not an unhealthy behavior. However, unprotected sex can be an unhealthy behavior, and sex before a person is ready is an unhealthy behavior. Healthy and consensual sexual behavior is something to be enjoyed over the course of a lifetime.

What’s normal? It is NORMAL to have a variety of feelings around these topics. Different people may have different feelings and learning to respect those differences instead of making fun of someone’s ideas or feelings is an important self-management and social awareness skill.

Sexual Behaviors For clarification, not all people engage in all of the behaviors listed in the next activity. The behaviors listed represent a variety of behaviors that may occur over the course of a person’s lifetime.

Define sexual behaviors Touching Masturbating Talking Touching under clothes Whispering Dancing (with contact, aka “grinding”) Hugging Dancing (no contact) Holding hands Chatting (email, texting, online) Kissing Going on a date Going online Having vaginal intercourse Watching a movie at home with a romantic or dating partner Having oral intercourse Having anal intercourse

Sexual behavior Activity Are the behaviors “definitely not a sexual behavior” or “definitely a sexual behavior?” There may be some different opinions about where some of the cards should go. Opinions about sexual behavior vary from person to person, so self-awareness of boundaries is important.

Boundaries While individuals may disagree about what might be called a sexual behavior, it is very important for people to decide on their personal boundaries around these behaviors so they can communicate those boundaries and values to partners.

Decisions In order to make decisions about sexual behaviors, it’s important to understand why people have sex. What factor’s might influence people’s decision making about sexual behaviors? How they feel about themselves? How their friends feel about sex? Personal value system? Knowing the risks? Anything else?

Reflection How might people’s personal definition of sexual behaviors impact their relationship? Could you have a discussion about these behaviors with a parent or other caring adult? Why or why not? What is one way you might use the information in this activity now or in the future?

Sexual behavior and risk While there are many positive things about engaging in sexual behaviors when a person is mature and ready, most sexual behaviors come with a risk. Sometimes the risk is emotional, such as guilt or hurt feelings, and sometimes the risk is physical, such as an unintended pregnancy and/or an sexually transmitted infection (STI).

What is the risk activity High Risk, Some Risk, Low Risk, No Risk Hugging Kissing Touching under clothes Having oral intercourse Asking someone on a date Masturbation Having vaginal intercourse Having anal intercourse

Process Questions Why is it important for us to understand risk levels? How does information about condoms change the way you think about risk?

Sexuality is a lifelong process While sexuality is a part of life, most people choose not to engage in many sexual behaviors until they are older. Sexual behaviors can occur over the course of a lifetime, and most seventh graders do not have any form of sexual intercourse. There are plenty of ways to show affection for someone without having sex.

Dating Why do people date? Spending time with someone you like Wanting to get to know someone Wanting to do what others are doing Any other reasons you can think of? Dating can be about showing affection, but not necessarily in a sexual way.

All of these behaviors are normal Some young people are interested in dating; some are not. Some go out with groups of friends; some go out alone or as a couple. Some parents give permission to date; some parents don’t. Some young people are happy to hang out with close friends; some are too busy with sports, school and other activities to have time to date.

It’s up to you For each person, the age for first engaging in a romantic relationship will be different, and that’s OK! When someone does make the decision to “date,” it’s important to know how to have a healthy, safe, and fun relationship.

Reflect on your personal values Turn to page 19 in your Get Real workbook and complete the What’s Important to Me? Activity. Your answers can help you clarify the type of person you may want to date now or in the future.