Or, What Not to Say and When Not to Say it Tact Or, What Not to Say and When Not to Say it

What is tact? We are going to read 4 quotes. When we are doing reading, you will THINK for 15 seconds about the answer to the question above (What is tact?). Then, you will talk with a partner/group for 30 seconds about your answer. Finally, a few volunteers will share their thoughts.

“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.” - Isaac Newton

“Respond intelligently, even to unintelligent treatment.” Lau-Tzu

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” Benjamin Franklin

“I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.”  Chelsea Handler

Think, Pair, Share: What is tact?

Why do we need tact? Tact is telling the truth in a way that is polite and doesn’t hurt others’ feelings If we are not tactful, we might… Have friends that get mad at us because we insulted them Make our parents feel annoyed because they worked hard on dinner but we said it was disgusting Make strangers feel hurt because we call them ugly Have classmates that don’t want to work with us because we call others stupid

Just because you think it doesn’t mean you should say it… Tact is our brain’s filter When we follow the rules of tact… We can decide WHICH feelings we express and which ones we keep silent We can decide HOW to express our feelings We can decide WHERE to express our feelings We can decide to WHOM we express our feelings

Example… You are playing Pokemon at lunch with your friends. Another student (who isn’t really your friend) sits down to join. Every time he joins, you have a little bit less fun because he’s kind of annoying. You should: A. Tell the student “You are kind of annoying. Go away.” B. Tell your friends, loudly, “This guy is annoying.” C. Stand up, pack up your cards, and walk away without saying anything. D. NONE OF THE ABOVE!

TACT Memory Helper T- THINK: Think about whether hearing these words would hurt YOUR feelings. Does what you’re about to say really need to be said at all? A- ALONE: Sensitive topics should be discussed when you are ALONE with someone, not in front of others. C- COMPLIMENT SANDWICH: If you have to say something negative, ease the hurt by saying something before it and after it that is positive. This is a Compliment Sandwich. Maybe while you’re thinking of the positive things, you’ll realize you don’t need to say the negative thing after all! T- TURN IT AROUND: Use “I statements” to be more tactful. Instead of “Meatloaf is disgusting!” Turn it around and say “I don’t like meatloaf.” Instead of telling Grandma her pink shirt is ugly, tell her “I like your purple shirt better.”

Practice time! In groups, you will now practice responding to some situations with tact! Some of the scripts will be guided– you will read the words EXACTLY as they appear on the page. Notice the elements of tact in the scripts! At the end of each of these scripts will be a chance for you to discuss what you saw! Some of the scripts will be open– they will leave opportunities for you to respond. This is a chance for you to use your tact skills! GOOD LUCK!

White Lies White lies are a form of tact. Social white lies are very similar to using tact—using our brain’s filter to think before we speak and to choose words that are polite and not hurtful. This means sometimes choosing not to be overly honest or very blunt about certain things. Watch until 1:30: http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/liar-liar/grown-ups-lie

White Lies vs. Bold-Faced Lies Untruths told to be nice or avoid hurting someone’s feelings Involve words and body language The purpose is to help others feel better Are socially appropriate and should be used if needed Untruths told to avoid getting in trouble or to gain something for yourself Involve words and body language The purpose is to deceive- these lies hurt people Are socially inappropriate and should not be used

Practice time! Scenarios: Discuss: For these scenarios, we will all pretend that we are at a birthday party together. Each scenario takes place at this birthday party. Be prepared to act/respond in a way that shows you know how to use white lies. Discuss: How do we know the difference between bold-faced and white lies? When should we use each? Is there ever a good time to use bold-faced lies? Is there ever a time when we should NOT use white lies?