Punctuation

A panda walks into a café, sits down and orders a sandwich A panda walks into a café, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a panda! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and reads the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white colouring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

“Eats shoots and leaves!”

Comma quiz L1/2

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? Girls, who have red hair, are very lucky.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? He asked, where his hat was. He asked, where was his hat.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? They are, one might say true believers.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? Rashid arrived in Peterborough hoping to get a good job. Rashid arrived in Peterborough, hoping to get a good job. Rashid, arrived in Peterborough, hoping to get a good job. Rashid, arrived in Peterborough hoping to get a good job.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? On July 20, 1969, astronauts landed on the moon for the first time. On July 20 1969, astronauts landed, on the moon for the first time. On July 20, 1969 astronauts landed on the moon for the first time. On July 20 1969 astronauts landed, on the moon, for the first time.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? I told you Adilah never to ask me that question again! I told you Adilah never to ask me, that question again! I told you, Adilah, never to ask me that question again! I told, you Adilah, never to ask me that question again!

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? It is drizzling not pouring.

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? What a delicious appetising meal!

WHICH VERSION IS RIGHT? Yes, I can be ready in five minutes.

Which comma is wrong? Ladies! Wondering what to get the hubby and kids for Christmas? Why not issue them all, with their personal little hoover? Now they can scoop up the crumbs before they stand up, scattering crumbs everywhere. In iconic red and black and a range of noise levels, from a whisper to Jumbo Jet, this will suit all the family.

Which comma is wrong? Lost your remote control? This handy, universal gadget can be used for all appliances in your home. Programmable for all the major, and some minor, makes it can switch on anything from your TV, to your microwave.

An English professor wrote the words “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation is powerful!

Dear Jack I want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men I yearn for you I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart I can be forever happy will you let me be yours Jill

Dear Jack I want a man who knows what love is all about Dear Jack   I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People, who are not like you, admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?   Jill  

Dear Jack, I want a man who knows what love is Dear Jack,  I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me! For other men I yearn; for you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?  Yours, Jill