Constructive Listening

“Sinawa (the Great Spirit) gave us two ears and one mouth in order that we might listen twice as much as we talk” Native American saying

Read Modes of Listening Pages 32-33 Ripples of Hope - Building Relationships for Educational Change by Julian Weissglass

Modes of Listening Active Listening - reflect and then interpret what the talker is communicating Passive Listening - listener does not say a word but indicates interest with nodding or smiling Inattentive Listening - little attempt to comprehend or respond to talker Pretend Listening - looks interested but thinking about something else Conversational listening - role of talker and listener alternates Argumentative listening - listener is passionate and looks for flaw in talker’s argument.

Constructive Listening Read pages 33-35 from Ripples.

Constructive Listening is useful for: Helping you think clearly and act intelligently when addressing sensitive issues Creating the safety people need to speak authentically about their feelings and beliefs Building alliances and fostering cooperation Helping reduce stress and anxiety

Constructivist listening is a tool for facilitating change.

Change Cannot Be Mandated Change happens when “individuals and groups develop new understanding, build trust, decide to do things differently, and follow through on these decisions.” “Attempting to mandate change is the antithesis of empowerment.”

Support Structures for Constructivist Listening Dyad Personal Experience Sharing Group (PES) Personal Experience Panel (PEP)

Guidelines for PES and PEP Each person is given equal time to talk (a timer is used) The listener does not interpret, paraphrase, analyze, give advice, or break in with a personal story Confidentiality is maintained The talker is not to criticize or complain about the listener or mutual acquaintances in his/her turn

Guidelines for PES and PEP CELL PHONES OFF!

Sample PES The good, the bad, and the ugly!

PES Groups Jeff Fawn Chris Maria Heather Sandy Vicki Emily Kathy Echo Christina Ryan Erin Megan Deana Marilyn Elayne Helen Sheryl Monica Michelle Rene Jeni Kate Rocio

PES Questions What do you want the group to know about you? (First 2 minutes) When do you remember being listened to attentively? How did you feel? When were you not listened to well? How did you feel? What are some memories of good conversations you have had? How did the conversation differ from just being listened to?