Conflict and Conflict Resolution Presented by Mr P J A John Barrouallie Central Leeward Secondary School

Complete these statements truthfully… Most people fight or argue when they: Most people fight or argue over: One good thing people get from arguing or fighting is: One bad thing about arguing and fighting is: People generally respond to conflicts by

Complete these statements truthfully… I fight or argue when: I get upset or angry when other students: I make others angry when I: When I'm talking to someone else who is really angry or upset, the most important thing to do is:

When I'm really angry or upset with someone, the most important thing for me to do is: When I'm upset at, mad at, or bothered by another student I can (list three): When I have a disagreement or conflict with someone, we can agree to:

This lesson explores how conflicts can be resolved by looking at things fairly, and how a mediator can help to make this happen.

What is conflict? “A struggle to resist or overcome; contest of opposing forces or powers; strife; battle. A state or condition of opposition; antagonism; discord. A painful tension set up by a clash between opposed and contradictory impulses." The dictionary defines "conflict" as "a struggle to resist or overcome; contest of opposing forces or powers; strife; battle. A state or condition of opposition; antagonism; discord. A painful tension set up by a clash between opposed and contradictory impulses." No matter how hard we try to avoid it, conflict periodically enters our lives.

Causes of conflict There is a perceived breach of faith and trust between individual There is unresolved disagreement that has escalated to an emotional level There is miscommunication leading to unclear expectations Give handouts.

Causes of conflict There are personality clashes There are differences in acquired values There is underlying stress and tension There are ego problems There are combinations of the above

Is conflict good? A certain degree of conflict is a healthy sign Too much conflict; communication problems No conflict; disinterest amongst the members of the group and lack of input Arises from unclear aims and objectives Don’t make disagreements personal Conflict can help improve the level of quality Conflict – can conflict increase productivity? A certain degree of conflict is useful and is a sign that the group is functioning healthily. Too much conflict suggests communication problems which must be resolved. No conflict suggests apathy or lack of input from the whole group. Conflict usually arises from unclear aims and objectives. To avoid this, set down the aims and objectives of the group for the whole project at all levels as early as possible. Disagreements should never be personal. Conflict raises the level of discussion, critical thinking and reasoning skills.

RESOLVING CONFLICT

The 7 Steps to Conflict Resolution

To Resolve a Conflict What to say or do? Why? 1. Calm yourself Take a deep breath, say "relax" Clears thinking, models control 2. Restore order  Take a "Time Out" Stops the fight, contains the damage 3. Hear their stories  "Help me understand your concern." Gathers information, defuses tension

To Resolve a Conflict What to say or do? Why? 4. Listen carefully Eye contact, don't interrupt Honors the need to be heard 5. Generate solutions  "How could we resolve this?" Moves from accusations to solutions 6. Agree on a solution "Would this work for you?" Moves to resolution, brings closure

To Resolve a Conflict What to say or do? Why? 7. Test for satisfaction  "Are you sure this will work for you?" Assures clear communication

When we get into arguments with people, the problem won’t be sorted until both parties feel that they have been treated fairly. Grrrrr….. Grrrrr…..

In order to make things fair, all parties have to: Understand Avoid making things worse Work together Find a solution

First we have to try to understand – by putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

Each person must be allowed to say how they feel – without being interrupted. In order for it to work: Each person must listen carefully to what the other has to say.

NO: fighting, kicking, pushing! screaming or shouting put downs Everyone must make sure they don’t make the situation worse … so NO: put downs revealing of secrets screaming or shouting fighting, kicking, pushing!

Each person must be determined to work together with the others. This means: Taking turns Speaking quietly, but firmly Active listening Talking about how you feel, without blaming anyone.

Think of as many ideas as possible! Now find a solution by brainstorming together. Think of as many ideas as possible!

All parties must take responsibility for their part of the agreement. And stick to what has been decided.

…. And be prepared to talk again if things aren’t improving. How’s about another chat? O.K. That’s cool!

The short tale of a lemon

Once there were two women who both wanted a lemon. However, as luck would have, it there was only one left in the shop.

Without discussion they both agreed to take half.

One woman took her half lemon home and squeezed it to make a drink. The juice barely covered the bottom of the glass!

The other grated the rind to make an lemon flavoured cake (although it wasn’t as flavoursome as she had hoped). The juice went everywhere!

Think about it !

Had they taken the time to talk and negotiate with each other, they both could have had what they wanted- the juice or the rind of a whole lemon!

Key points to remember Be a model of calm and control Don't give in to emotional outbursts Don't assume people are being difficult intentionally Find a quiet place in to resolve conflicts....privately Key Principles in Resolving Conflict Take shared responsibility for the conflict Recognize and appreciate differences among people Preserve individual dignity Listen carefully and with empathy, listen to understand, communicate, don't debate Be calm...don't give in to emotional outbursts or reactions Vulnerability is a key to successful resolution, therefore open up and share your feelings Don't assume people are being difficult intentionally Choose a safe place or person with whom you can vent and clarify the issues for yourself Generate solutions...find agreement Follow-up to assure resolution and modify as necessary 

Key points to remember Set some ground rules for the discussion: No raising of voices This is not a debate Speak only for yourself..."I" phrases Confront the issues, not the people Maintain or enhance self-esteem

Talking can often lead to solutions which benefit every one!

Glossary Communicate – to talk things out Negotiate - to discuss something Mediate – to act as a go between Arbitrate – to act to solve the problem Litigate – to go to court Legislate – to pass laws or set up rules Resolve – to make your mind up